A
male
age
41-50,
*ublicius
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with a girl I met 4 months ago. Even though we were in college together, we weren't friends until recently when I reconnected with her on facebook. Since then we have been in touch via yahoo messanger and on the phone.We seemed to immediately click and really got on just fine until she told me she had been with 9 guys out of which one of them was an affair with a married man, who she had been seeing until a few weeks before I met her. Another thing is that in one of her relationships, she broke up twice with the guy and in between had flings with two guys in a space of 6 months. She keeps saying she was unstable when she did this.Since then I have been struggling to deal with the information. On the one hand she came clean to tell me all that she did. On the other hand though I keep getting the feeling that she has a weak will and has the tendency to have flings. Even though I would have liked to really commit to her, I am afraid I may be doing the wrong thing.I dont know what to make of it all as I feel we have a good chemistry and that she is sincerely trying to be a better person.I need sound advice. Thanks guys.
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female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Publicius,
I see. The best thing to know is that she's trying. Though it may take for you to tell her, then that's the way it's going to be for a while until she can start learning on her own. But it also depends on you. Are you willing to start helping her to become a better person and be worthy of your trust?
If not, by all means, leave this girl. Her mind is obviously cluttered right now, but at least she's trying by breaking off contact with the married man.
Still, keep your distance and give it time. You don't want to have your heart broken. Let her know she has to prove herself, and believe me, your relationship with her will last.
Good luck to you!
A
male
reader, publicius +, writes (9 April 2010):
publicius is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. You know Isa123, she had been in touch with 2 of the guys. She was actually still talking to the married guy who she said just wanted to be friends. After I gave her a talking to, she called him and broke off contact. The problem is did it have to take me telling her it was wrong for her to know she had to break contact with a married man?
I dont know if that counts for anything. Maybe the tidiest thing to do is to just walk away from all this. Even though I am clearly finding it hard to do.
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A
male
reader, soul83  +, writes (9 April 2010):
Proceed with caution. But by all means if you feel in your heart that you could give it a go, then try. Just weigh up whether or not you would need to be constantly watching out for her actions. Would you trust her 100%?
If not, save yourself the heartache in the long-run. But like I said, just go for it and maybe you will find that she is changing like she says.
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (9 April 2010):
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities) and sadly it was the cause to my breakup with a guy I was with for four years. In my current relationship, I told my boyfriend straight off of my situation.It's *somewhat* the same situation, but it sounds like she is basically trying to tell you before you find out on your own or before you guys start having a relationship. I know all the information is difficult to take, but give it time for the both of you. She's obviously pretty experienced and it's been just recently that she's had a relationship. The most important thing for you to know is if she still keeps contact with them. If she does, it isn't worth it. Really sit down at tell her that you're concerned about all of this, and ask her to be very honest if she is truly trying to be a better person. If she is, then give time before you start a relationship. Make it memorable =).Good luck to you!
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