A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel of love
writes:Hi! All through my life I have never stomached asking other people for help or advice very well. I love to help other people more than anything. Satisfying other people and helping them through tough times always made me feel important...needed. Getting to the point, this is one situation that I cannot help myself out of. One that I actually need others to help me out.I'm dating this amazing guy. He sweet, sensitive and above all else he's honest. He constantly tells me that he loves me and I say it back because I know that that's what he wants to hear. I don't have it in my heart to tell him otherwise. How do you tell the man that loves you that you don't know if you could ever love him? That hearing him say I love you makes your skin crawl. For more than a few years I thought that maybe we could have been forever. When we broke up the first time it nearly broke me. I went on a downward spiral from that and I just finally got back to the person I used to be. I find that I'm happier now and in a safe place in my life.Majority of myself feels that it isn't right to be with him if I don't feel the same way as he does. Don't get me wrong...I used to be in love with him. So far in love that I didn't anything could break us up...and then we did. I got back with him because I thought that we could just pick up from where we left off. That I could finally get what I want. It seems now that I'm only giving him everything he wants.To make things worse I have sex with him when ever he wants because I know that otherwise would hurt his feelings and break his heart. I should be happy that I finally found a place in my life where someone loves me and wants to always be with me. So why do I always feel empty after we have sex? Why do I pray for him to be done as fast as he possible can while we're doing it?I want to make him happy and I never want to hurt him, but don't I matter too? Shouldn't I put myself before him when it comes to the matters of the heart? Shouldn't I be with someone that I can truly love and want to be with? Someone that makes me eager to get into bed with him and just as eager to hear about there day. Someone that can satisfy me sexual and nonsexually? Please help me! I feel that the longer I stay with him the more I'm losing myself...and the me that I just finally got back to being. What do I do? And how do I do it without hurting him?
View related questions:
broke up, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): You can't hurt him anymore than you're hurting yourself by trying to please him. Break it off now, before you stay too long and look back years later wondering why you wasted those years of your life. If you move on now, you'll have the chance to be mutually happy with someone else. It sounds like you're holding yourself back from taking other chances in life, just to ensure your b/f's heart isn't broken. Honesty has to come first in every relationship, or you won't experience true happiness. If honesty is what will help drive you away from him then use it anyway. There's no sense dragging yourself through emptiness. If you're in a comfort zone with him, don't let it change your mind either.
A
male
reader, soul83  +, writes (9 April 2010):
Unfortunately you need to make a final decision on what you want. Yes it's painful to watch someone so caring (someone that loves you) when you know your heart is no longer into the relationship. The longer you play this out, the more and more depressed you will become. And you will only drag down a sinking ship.I feel your pain! My gf appears to have given up on what was once a fantastic relationship between us. I feel like she is only hanging around for the very reasons you talk about and it's killing me inside :( She's said things that have only worsened things for me. I've been trying to repair what I can, but I think that once the heart is lost to something, it's hard for it to recover and get back to where things once were. Then again, relationships are built on 2 people so it will take the combined effort of the both of you to try and make things work or go back to a place where they might have been before. I suggest that you think about what it is that you wish you could see in him that would make you happy? Can you honestly sit down and hint at these things still?Don't just stick around out of obligation, you will only hurt him further when he finds out that your heart has been looking elsewhere while you have been with him. Trust me on that one!
...............................
|
