A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Torn between two men and I can't decide. One is patient, kind, buys me lots of nice things and treats me well. But I'm not really attracted to him. He is very quiet, and I don't feel close to him; I don't feel lik I really know him even after many years of being together. Our relationship is empty but pleasant. We have nothing in common.The other man, is passionate, sexy, exciting -- but a little volatile. He has a quick temper, lashes out verbally and hurts my feelings alot. The sex is amazing but he isn't romantic very often. It's just so hard to decide which one I want to be with. I'm treated like gold in one relationship, but bored to death. I'm stimulated in the other relationship but never feel secure. I'm not young enough to ditch them both and start dating again. I'm just afraid of making the wrong choice. Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): You said: "I'm not young enough to ditch them both and start dating again."
I'm sorry, I have to say BS to that. We're about the same age, you and I, and I am telling you you are never too old to do the right thing for yourself. There's nothing wrong with rejecting both of them, neither of whom sound like good choices, and finding someone with the best qualities of both. What you're doing is talking about settling, and using your age as an excuse to pick one of 2 bad choices.
Personally, I say let them both go. I would. There's a song (one of my personal favorites) that goes "I would rather be alone than be unhappy" and also says "I can do bad all by myself." You need to think that to yourself. Sorry, Mr. Excitement sounds like the kind of guy we stop dealing with in our 20s because we know how those situations end up, and its never for the good. That said, you're just not into Mr. Quiet (and I don't blame you), and you shouldn't have to settle for him for the priveledge of saying, "I have a man." Trust me, there's nothing wrong with just being on your own. There is some man out there who can treat you as well as Mr. Quiet without the foolishness and drama and that Mr. Excitement will bring into your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Stick with the one the shows you more love and is there for you. The one that has a quick temper, thats not good.
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female
reader, confused dee  +, writes (10 February 2009):
Good boy IN bad boy OUT !!!OK I must admit we all love the bad boys but not until reality hits and we seek for that caring romantic sweet guy. A bad boy will always be bad and make you feel insecure.i mean if you make a list of positives and neagtives of each guy i know for a fact the nice guy would win by far. the nice treats you like you should be treated in the long run you need that person in your life not a bad boy whos gonna do your head in and forget special days and as you mentioned his noit that type to be romantic, i mean if his rarely romantic now give it a few years and romance would be long gone forgoten. the nice guy would care for you when your ill make you hot tea when your sick in bed "reflecting back on past experince" he would be concernd about you and treat you like a queen. bad good loking boys dont seem to care for others maybe this is beacuse they have been centre of attention and they know there sexy and exciting and can see people adore them . i guess we make them feel like there something special and they never feel the need to be that sweet caring guy they just rely on their looks and if there good in bed.good luck hope you make the right choice, just remember in the longrun if you were to grow old with that person which would you prefer?
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 And here in a nutshell we got the answer to 33% of the questions on dearcupid. "Why can't I find a nice guy".
Because nice guys are BORING. Some women just want the guys that hurt them. It really isn't that suprising. We feel most alive when things are happening. That is why we love rollercoasters. The thrill, the sensation, the fear. It doesn't last long and involves hours of pure boredom that say the magic teacup ride doesn't have but it is clear which one draws the crowds.
You don't have much choice. Mr. Exciting will hurt you and make you miserable but so will Mr. Quiet as you will keep wondering if there isn't something more exciting out there if you with him.
Basically, your screwed. You are a woman who knows she got to loose weight but just can't resist chocolate. Mr. Exiciting is bad for your health but damn he tastes good, am I right? Mr Boring isn't however the answer. He is celery and going strictly celery will kill you (contains less energy then it takes to digest so you would starve no matter how much you eat of it).
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Hi there, I would say its almost like deciding between a fat piece of death by chocolate cake, or a bunch of salary sticks, dear you could never have been with this man for years if you did not love him to, yea things seem exciting right now, but the chances of him getting bored whit you, that’s quite huge, you have to be careful in what you do here, coz this will chance the rest of your life, if you are so bored in this relationship tell me are you doing things to make it less boring?? Relationships are tough but when you find a man that truly loves you and respects you it will be insanely stupid to give it up, for a guy that treats you worse than shit, and you say his sexy, how much difference is that sexy gona make in 30 years from now when hes a shriveled up old man? Look into your heart before you decide what you wanna do, we cant tell you what to do, but merely give our opinions and in my opinion you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and not only for yourself but also this man that treats you like a queen, Think about it please And please do let us know what you have decided to do, have a splendid day
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 Dump the exiting one because he will just break your heart, i know the type ive been there done that too, give the nice guy a chance, he will grow on you trust me, start appreciating him for the nice guy that he is.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (10 February 2009):
 I did not read in the post that you were married to either one. So i am quite confuse by mothermother's answer.
While I was reading your post, something struck me. You are a lot like me. We like bad boys. The ones with the edge, the fun, crazy ones. While the nice guys who will treat us great, we don't feel anything towards them. There is no passion because there is no dysfunction.
After having my heart broken too many times by the bad boy, I am on the lookout for a nice guy. Who will care for me and treat me right.
You can go for the exciting guy if you want drama in your life. And maybe you do because you're not in a healthy place yourself.
But i say give the nice guy a chance. You're not attracted to him now because maybe secretly you don't think you deserve to be treated good. Whatever the case,..those bad boys are all the same. They will leave you in tears.
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female
reader, mothermother  +, writes (10 February 2009):
Well i suggest time to your self, maybe their both wrong.some single time will help you see things clearer.maybe you and your husband have got stuck in a rutso this other man seems more attractive coz it has the naughty factor..try time alone its probly the best advise coz you dont want someone else making that choice for you, ie your husband finds out, you dont wanna decide its him you want when he is saying no.try some new stuff with your husband, you might suprise yourself, coz there was a reason you married in the first place hey...good luck
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