A
female
age
41-50,
*lm
writes:please help im trying so hard to deal with my husbands emotional affair/flirting with a woman at work.we have only been married 17 months and im really trying but im so hurt and upset about it i cant stop the sadness.a few months ago when i was on my hubbys phone i noticed that hed googled the girl he works with,when i asked him he said he didnt know why hed done it i had no proof of anything so just put it to the back of my mind.thursday i picked up his work phone and noticed hed tried to delete messages he sent her but hadnt done it it properly i found messages reading (morning beautifull )i went mad bcause id known all along that somthing was going on we had a really bad weekend him saying nothing was going on.on monday i called the woman and she told me the same as he did office banter (i dont beleive it ) then she told me he had told her friday that i had seent the texts i didnt see any from her as they had all been deleted i cant help feling that im being made a fool of as i said to him if there was nothing to hide he wouldnt have gone to so much trouble to hide it from me.please help i need good advice i really dont know what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I agree with the post below, Good morning beautiful is a greeting used for someone you are very close to and maybe even intimate.
I should know, I am having an affair with my co-worker and he always sends, Good morning beautiful, EVERY DAY! He did before we were intimate and still does now that we are intimate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): We are all different and we have our own tolerance levels...you sound very un-married to me ..but you may be willing to work at it and make it work.
I think you deserve so much more and find it sad that your man is untrue to you. I would most certainly divorce him but i am not you.
I wish you well in whatever you decide to do, but if you stay with him just know that he will always be a liar and weak....you will never know truth and real love with this man ...it all depends on what YOU WANT from life...
Good luck...Remember you are also beautiful...that text message should have been for you!!!!!!his wife.
spunky monkey.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Yes - i have to say - i really fancy one of my colleagues who has actually tried to kiss me on the mouth before- i spend about an hour every day talking to him and flirting - yet STILL I do not have his NUMBER and i would never dream of addressing him in such a way. Your husband is acting totally inappropriately. Why does he say he has her telephone number and how did he get it??
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (12 May 2011):
If this guy cared about being married to you then he would want to make amends, talk to you why he did this, and try figure out with you how to get past it.
But it sounds more like he doesn't care that you've found out, and that he will continue doing as he pleases with this woman. This is not good in any relationship, but 17 months in to marriage. Have you made a big mistake in marring this guy?
Even if you have totally got the wrong end of the stick, and it is all entirely innocent, I would still expect that he would be able to reassure you, and do whatever he could to make you happy.
For you to even contemplate continuing this relationship, he needs to first admit that he's actually doing something very wrong and want to sort it out. Until he does.. what are you supposed to do?
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE  +, writes (12 May 2011):
I certainly understand why you are upset and sad. I would be in the same shoes had I experienced what you have. Cell phones can create so many problems for relationships when they should be a God sent device when it comes to keeping us in contact with our loved ones. We often take possession of our cell phones unlike our home telephones and feel they are our line of communication to the outside world and some of the outside world we should have no contact with.You have asked your husband about the texts and the telephone calls as well as the woman that he has been texting and calling. Both of them tell you that nothing is going on. That really does not surprise me...did that reply surprise you? I would be extremely concerned with the "morning beautiful"...in my book, that is not a greeting for a casual aquaintance at the office, a neighbor, a close friend, or anybody other than someone I am in a relationship with such as a girlfriend or wife. Perhaps, I am a little wet behind the ears when it comes to how men and women approach, text, and talk to co workers.I would certainly let my husband know that I am very uncomfortable with the relationship he has established with co-workers. I would also inform him that "sexual harrasment" is also a big thing in the work place and telephone text and telephone calling where caller id is available are certainly pieces of evidence in sexual harrassment acusations.I would also inform my husband that I am uncomfortable with the "morning beautiful" and explain that, that is not a phrase or greeting used to address just a co-worker. After expressing your discomfort, it will then be up to your husband to create a distance and stop the texting since you are not comfortable with it. Of course, if he does not want to stop the communication and the type of communication he has with this co-worker, then it will not stop. He will just get better in deleting all text and phone calls to that person. We do not have the power to make someone stop doing what they want to do. It is their choice. And since you have expressed you discomfort with the texting and the phone calls, I feel it is your husbands responsibility to make things right in this situation.Keep your head up and I hope this can be resolved!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): It´s a tough situation but just a matter of strong decision.
If you can then please leave this man. I know that you´ll be
destroying your matrimony but keep in mind that he has little respect for you.
I don´t know if you´re a working woman but believe me women always have an advantage over men when they´re in power.
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