A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why does it seem that i am to blame for everything in my relationship? Any argument that we have, any fall out it is always me to blame, even when its not my fault ! My girlfriend and i have been together for a few years and on the most part have had a happy relationship, however recentley i have felt that her interest in me has started to fade a bit, she no longer wants to kiss as much anymore, she makes excuses not to. She no longer feels that we need to say 'i love you' to each other anymore even though we always did before and it makes me happy when we say it. Our sex life has fizzled out a bit although not completely. Not wanting to bottle this up but wanting to resolve the issue, i ask her why the changes now? This always seems to cause an argument though and im not sure why, im just trying to solve a problem in our relationship and to make us happy. She just gets defensive though and starts arguing with me and then we dont talk for a while until it gets to a point where i end up having to apologise even though i dont think its my fault ! She never apologises to me or admits shes wrong, its always me that has to. We then make up and everything goes back to how it was with her not seeming interested until it explodes again. How can i break us out of this cycle and get us back to how we were before?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): it happened again today ! The bit that really got me today though was she asked me what was wrong, so i told her exactly what was on my mind. Yet again she started an argument with me only this time she started calling me possesive and insecure for saying this all the time ! Im not possesive and insecure, id gladly shut up if she gave me an answer instead of going off on one and getting all defensive !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I think somebody who THINKS they are never wrong, never needs to say sorry etc...are more than capable of cheating??because they are the TYPE that cheat themselves...i would be a little more observant of her antics that she get's defensive about....sorry but it sounds odd.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE  +, writes (12 May 2011):
Boy!! This is usually a complaint that women surrender all the time. Few men ever really take the necessary steps to find out what is wrong in a relationship when they feel things are not going right. We as women are always trying to be the ones to talk things out and get things in order. I take my hat off to you!
Life brings about so many issues and problems. Sometimes those issues and problems are not easily resolved and things may seem so bleak for us. Life always has a way of changing things as well. Sometimes we outgrow some friendships and relationships. Things are in constant change.
I am concerned when you wrote that she does not like to kiss anymore and at one time she did. That my friend, to me, is a BIG RED FLAG!! I would take a step back and not engage in kissing with her until she feels confortable again in doing so, and believe me, you will know when she is comfortable in doing so again because she will make that lip to lip contact with you.
In a relationship where love is involved, we as human beings like to feel love and be told that we are loved. again, a RED FLAG should go up when it is not spoken. I would stop telling her that you love her. Perhaps, you may feel so empowered with love that you feel overwhelmed to tell her...perhaps she does not feel the same way. I hate being on the ther side of the phone and telling my lover that I love him and I get no positive response. I would be crushed if I was standing in front of my lover and I told him that I loved him and he did not respond.
Has your love life not fizzled out because...when she has an urge to meet her sexual needs she turns to you for sex. How is the give and take in the sexual arena? Is she as giving as in the past? I would definetly be watch and looking for any clues in the sex department that is unusual and different from the past.
Perhaps, the next explosion should be one that you share everything that is on your mind...if discussion takes place and there is an effort to fix the problems then I believe you are headed in the right direction. If she blows up without trying to straighten problems out, then I would be the one to sit back and wait for her to approach me with concrete solutions and answers to these ever pressing issues.
It takes two to be in a relationship...it is not a very comfortable situation when we are in a relationship alone or we feel that we are alone. Good luck!
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