A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why wont he let me move on. My problem is my ex partner we were together for 7yrs and had 2 children together, we only lived together a short time and he moved out in july last yr. The problem was i suspected he had a thing going on with his ex. I had read messages etc. I know that he has known her a long time and they have history together as they had a son at 16 together, however they are both now 42 and still send regular texts. I dont have a problem with a simply friendship but it has seemed more than that to me. Our children are 3 and 6. This little cycle has begun to appear. Whenever we fall out he befriends her. Only recently he left his facebook page open and she had sent him a message that read she feels used as when everything is ok he ignores her and that she will change her plans around so she can see him. I felt really hurt by this as it appears they do have more contact than he says. i have also seen messages on his phone wishing her a goodnight. If i confront him as i have before he will deny anything. Is the truth staring me in the face, i am stuck between wanting to stay together for the kids sake but know im being lied to. I cant cut off contact with him as he looks after my children a few hours a evening. But want him to realise im ready to move on without him. He has been violent in the past with and dont want to cause any arguments. How do you deal with a man who is this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): So...you're staying with a (violent) piece of crap for the sake of your kids?? Come on, that's about as plausible as him "not letting" you leave. My mother put up with a man like that for 18 years, and it certainly wasn't for MY sake; it was because her self-esteem was shot to hell. Get into counseling YESTERDAY and start getting it back so you can get your kids (who are STUCK until YOU as their mother stop worrying about what your asshole of a boyfriend will LET you do and start worrying about how this is affecting them) out of a dangerous situation.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 I agree you need to put an end to this relationship completely. It should be over for good. He doesnt make you happy anymore, he lies to you, cheats and is violent this is not good and its not good for the children either. If he can be violent to you who is to say that he cant be violent to the children? I would ask yourself that question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncould i please just add that i dont use my ex as a babysitter, i work evening as im supporting my children, im stuck in between a rock and a hard place where i need his help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): "Why wont he let me move on" That makes no sense OP. The real question is why can't you let him go. He's not your master, he doesn't control you so it's not about him "letting" you do anything.
How do you deal with a violent, lying, cheating abuser who has emotional affairs all the time? You tell me. If the convenience of having him as a babysitter is worth all the other stuff, then you just stay and slowly have your life shredded to pieces. Or you could snap out of it and realize that if you really did want whats best for your kids you get them as far away from this man's influence and the pain he is causing their mother as possible, just a thought.
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