A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were only friends for about a month before we started dating. He was afraid of us dating initially because he really liked us as friends. All of his guy friends are assholes and I was the only one with a "soul" so he said. We really couldn't help falling in love and ended up dating for 5 months.We broke up because we "were on different levels" so he said. I agreed with it at the time. I was always so picky with him about being perfect that it sometimes lead to arguments. They were always fixable things I thought. The different levels is that he's 26 and has been in a 6 year relationship before where he's done "everything", and I'm 19 and still wanted that lovey dovy young love shit. Which I don't really give a shit about anymore. He said he still loved me.Anyways, after the breakup we hung out the same (almost everyday) and even cuddled and had sex twice. The second time he said that we probably should stop since it's probably hurting me, which it did. So we stopped being physically close. But after that day we stopped hanging out altogether. Then at 2 months after our official breakup, he started dating some girl he hates. Honestly... we hated her. She is annoying and a drunk, but they have been friends for years now. They hung out while we were together and he told e he wasn't cheating or anything. But it still hurts.I can understand that he probably has known her longer and they probably have some secret feelings that were finally unleashed. But it's so frustrating. I really want to TRY to get back with him AT SOME POINT in my life... even if it takes 4 years. Like I want to be his new girl. Where they were friends forever then finally something happened I guess. And I'm only saying this because as short of a relationship as ours was, i feel we were emotionally close. He called me his best friend and now we don't talk at all. I'm really really trying to be cool about this. I try to think of this as an opportunity to become mentally close with him instead of relationship/physical shit. At least he's not dead. And we even promised to always be friends. He's not the to just skip over that part.. I see a lot of potential with us.I don't really know what I'm asking here... I just need some sympathy.. or a "that's the spirit" or just ANY motivational phrases or stories to help me deal with trying to be FRIENDS. Because we loved us when we were friends.. dating was just a small piece of our relationship as a whole. But I can't say I'm over him.. or I'll ever be over him. Any advice on trying to pull us back together again?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 No darling, that's not the spirit. That's the spirit of wishful thinking, you'll get stuck for ages this way.
He stopped altogether seeing you when he decided to stop sex.Does not this suggest you anything ?
He called you his best friend... and now you don't talk at all. Then, he could not really mean it, right ? Either he lied, or he changed his mind. A " best friendship " that lasts 5 months ? It can't have been that solid to begin with.
As soon as he started dating someone new, you were out of his radar. It sucks, it's sad, but... it's normal. You dated for just 5 months, he found you are at different stages in life and you have different needs in a relationship ( which is not surprisisng since a 7 years age difference is nothing later on, but it's big between 19 and 26 ) and he moved on.
The emotional connection you feel you had, it's part nostalgia and part wishful thinking. The proof is in the pudding. If you had been really so connected, you'd have stayed connected.
Plus, you say that you want the opportunity to be mentally connected and to be friends... and the line after you say you are not over him and you want him back !
Ergo, what you really want is the chance to get sniffing around him in the hope to rekindle what you had. His friendship only would never be enough for you.
He seems to have moved on, and not just because of the new girl- you should move on too. Look forward not backward.
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