A
male
age
30-35,
*antas
writes:Hi DC membersThis is a sex related question. I would like your honest comments about having several sex partners before you settle in life(find your soul mate/Mr. or Mrs Right to start a family with). I mean all the people you have been involved with sexually, irrespective whether it was a one night, an acquaintance, a relationship an affair or a failed marriage. In this context how has/does the sex experience with several partners before settling in life affected your sex life as a married spouse. Does it make your sex life satisfactory or unsatisfactory or what? Do you wish you had less sex partners/experiences before settling down in life and why? How exactly do you feel about yourself regarding your past sex life? In the end does is make it hard/easier to relate sexually with your partner? Is possible for to cope to having one permanent sex partner only(your spouse).Only Honest comments Please. Thank you for spending your time on this. Hoping to get as many response as possible.Thanks in Advance!!!
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affair, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, santas +, writes (10 November 2011):
santas is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear dark heart x, you are right on that. The society also plays a big role in this. once again thanks for your input.
A
male
reader, santas +, writes (9 November 2011):
santas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah Justhelpinagain I totally agree with you...the more sexual relatinships one encounters the more problems they have in committing to a long-term relationship/marriage. Thanks so much for your input.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (9 November 2011):
You only have to scan the columns here on DC to see many people are significantly affected by their past sexual relationships. Lives are completely changed by unplanned pregnancy or sexual infections. I think it is also an average statement that the more relationships one experiences the less effort we put into repairing a damaged relationship. Easier to throw away and find a new one. Doesnt mean we dont still have lots of fun though!
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A
male
reader, santas +, writes (8 November 2011):
santas is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear dark heart x, your suggestion sounds a good idea to me I will definitively check out the film,Thanks!!!I like your open-mindedness.
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A
male
reader, santas +, writes (8 November 2011):
santas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for your response.I appreciate it much. @ so very confused thanks for your data I like the way you have put your answer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 I"m here to skew your data
age: 51
sex: female
three husbands
getting a divorce
going to marry again (4th husband)
multiple sex partners both male and female sometimes more than one at a time....
the man I am with now, I wish not to share and we are monogamous at this time....
I have had more sexual experience than he has had.. and he's fine with it and so am I.
what's past is past
what matters for us is the here and now.
nope none if it made me a better lover or gave me better orgasms...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Male anon you are being immature yourself. What negative things are there, and if they are so likely howcome you didn't mention any? Because you don't have the experience to know if it actually affects the relationship in a negative way?
I've been with men who were virgins (close to year long relationship), and I've been with men who have had just as many sex partners in the past as me (a year and a half long relationship). I've also been with a man who had fewer sexual partners than me (year and a half there too). There was ZERO impact of this on our sex life, no problems or situations arose that couldn't have come up with anyone else regardless of their number of sexual partners. The chemistry between two people is not determined by number of partners. I have honestly never experienced my past sex life as interfering with any of the relationships I've entered. I even asked the latest one, who was a virgin when we met, how he felt about me having had previous partners and.. well, he doesn't care... So there you have it.. Nor do I care what number of sexual partners any of my boyfriends have had.
So what were you implying?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): If your past sex life has made you a better lover and taught you to know yourself better, then it has affected your present sex life.
And once you have acknowledged that your past sex life DOES affect your present sex life, you might wanna be mature and admit that there is the possibility (probability) of other effects that are not always positive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): I didn't get married until I was in my 40s because I couldn't find the "right" person.I only had sex with 3 people other than my wife, partly because I was saving sex for marriage when I was younger. I've always tended to view sex as something that should be special between two people.My wife has had sex with quite a few men, and she said she loved it with all but one of them. She seems to view sex as something you do because it feels good, not because you think the other person is in some way special.The way things have worked out for me, I wish I had been much more promiscuous when I was younger. "Saving" it for someone "special" turned out to be a complete failure. I think it created/perpetuated unrealistic expectations for me. My wife doesn't view sex as being special, so there's a mismatch between us in terms of what sex means.I never did find a "soulmate"/ideal person as I'd envisioned when I was younger. I settled for someone who's attractive and who I get along with reasonably well. No one likes to admit it, but almost everyone settles to some degree.But, each person is different, so I doubt that my experience provides much guidance for someone else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 November 2011):
I haven't settled down yet, but I have been in 3 relationships all lasting a year and a half, so I know what it's like to have ONE partner and stick to it.
I don't think past sex life has any impact on sex life with a spouse at all. If anything, experience makes you better at knowing what you like and don't like, and makes it easier to work out solutions if things aren't working. Also, if you've had sex before marriage, then it is safe to assume you already know wether or not you and your spouse are a good sexual match.
I don't know how many people I have had sex with. In terms of intercourse I will say about 15-20? But other sexual acts such as oral sex, handjobs/fingering, I haven't counted. Maybe about 30-40? People I have kissed must be up closer to 100, I honestly have no idea.
However, for one year now I have only been with one man, my now ex, and I haven't been involved with anyone else since, nor do I have the desire to. Just because you've had many sexual partners does not mean you must always have new sexual partners. I can go for a stretch without having sex, although I do prefer to have sex. I've never cheated either, nor ever had the desire to cheat.
I think what my past sex life says about me is that I am a woman who enjoys sex. What that means for the future is that I will most likely continue to enjoy sex, and want it frequently. But there is no reason why this should have a negative impact on a long term relationship. I want to get married, I'd prefer to have one partner and have a good sex life with someone I love, because that is what is the best. "Is possible for to cope to having one permanent sex partner only(your spouse)." YES.
Cheating is cheating, any number of sexual partners says nothing about a person being a cheater or not. The only indication that a person will cheat is if they actually cheat.. So being faithful has nothing to do with a number of partners before marriage.
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A
male
reader, santas +, writes (7 November 2011):
santas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsageoldguy1465 thank you for your response, would please state the number of sex partners before you settled down and your current age please...and other DC members who will be responding to this question add the number and your current age please it will be of great help thank you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I would say that my past sexual experience has had virtually NO IMPACT on my S.P.R.E.P.O.....
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