A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a few problems and I hope this isn't going to be too confusing, but I really need some help.I'm bisexual - out to only a small group of LGBTQ friends, one of which is my best friend, one of which is a friend I've fallen for.We've been flirting, (at least I hope it's flirting) for a while. It's that kind of shy flirting where you don't want them to know you're flirting but you are, (at least I am, and she seems to be doing it back). So this is the first problem, because I don't know whether this is real or not, and it's getting pretty serious for me, and i don't know whether I should ask her what this is, or how to ask her, or how to know if it's flirting or not. We've arranged to go out somewhere during summer.Neither me nor her are out to our parents, or anyone outside of out LGBTQ group of friends, which is the second problem, because if anything were to happen between us, we'd have to tell people eventually. I don't really know how to approach this topic with my parents, (even though they'd have no problems with me being bi), I'm just an anxious person and I don't really like to talk about my feelings. While I'm pretty sure they already know I'm bi, I think I should tell them personally rather than rocking up one day with a girlfriend. And then there's the coming out to other friends. While I don't think any of them would have a problem, both me and her are very conscious of what people think of us, and things spread very quickly in school. I wouldn't want to have to hide a relationship with her, but I think or our own safety, we'd have to. Would this cause romantic strain?The last issue is my best friend. She's bi, like me, and I was talking to her about this girl the other day and she was saying about how she'd thought I'd liked her and stuff. And then she made me promise that nothing between me and her would change - that we'd still be just as close. Of course I promised because I love her to bits. The problem here is that I'm really close with her (I actually thought it would be me and her ending up in a relationship) and would our closeness have to stop if I got a girlfriend? I don't want it to end, but I feel like it would cause problems.Thanks for taking the time to read this. I think I'm likely reading way too much into this, and stressing out too much. It's likely not even going to happen, but any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
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best friend, flirt, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 There is nothing embarrassing about liking this girl, you are both bisexual therefore it wont come as a big shock if you make this confession to her. I think you should talk to her and ask her would she like to go on a date. Just simple and light hearted and take it from there, am sure she likes you back.
As for the situation with your parents. I understand that this is fragile and you do not want to talk about your feelings. Am sure that your parents know this already if you don't talk to them about how you feel. Maybe in this situation it would be best to write them a letter, put how you feel in to the letter instead of words.
As for your best friend, yes I could see this being an issue. It obviously depends on how demanding both girls are off your attention, but you will need to ensure that neither girl is feeling neglected. It is important though if you get in to a relationship that you both spend alone time together . Good luck.
A
female
reader, tiakef  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 ok, so first up your innocent shy flirting, well there are subtle signs you would see if she was doing it back like accidentally bumping shoulders but it really wasn't an accident and so on. You probably should try talking to her about this. However if you feel too shy then you can always ask a friend to relay the i like you message to her or her thoughts on you. Second being out to your parents: that is a bit tricky, some people's parents wouldn't take the matter lightly, but you have the advantage of understanding parents. The fact that your anxious is perfectly normal but in order to have a successful relationship, some amount of talking about feeling will have to be done. Think of your outing with your parents as practice for talking about feelings with your other friends and people around you including your girlfriend, Yes you will face some negativity but the important thing is that you try to make others understand the situation, you might never know, you might just make another person accept LGBTQ. The chances of people not accepting you guys causing a romantic strain are at best 50/50, you never know with these things. Third: best friend, mmm its understandable that she doesn't want things to change if you get your girlfriend but at the same time maybe your friend likes you and feel threatened that you won't have time for her anymore because of your girlfriend. The closeness doesn't have to stop but you will have to balance attention between your girl friend and your best friend. The chances of jealousy because of lack of attention is high, but your going to have to handle it. At the same time your best friend will have to understand that there will be times you can't be around her because your busy with your girlfriend but you should never neglect your best friend
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