A
male
age
41-50,
*arkmyquestions
writes:Hi there, i have been through the adoption process with my 13 year old son and we are not fully sorted and happy father/son relationship, but recently i walked into the bathroom to find him masturbating. Which is fine, we all do it, but not he isnt talking to me. He was sat on the toilet with his feet in the air using his other had to stimulate his behind, i just looked at him and walked out. He slammed around the house for a while then since hasnt said 2 words to me. We were just getting into a healthy relationship and now he isnt talking to me. I have tried to explain that all men wank etc, but he really isn't interested now. what do i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): Just act like it hasn't happend (as everyone else said because they are smart). I didn't get caught when I was a kid and I have been wanking since I was 9 and I didn't get caught ever. Just knock before you go into his room and wait a while for him to pull his pants up or on the chance that he wanks naked ask if it is ok to come in, if he says wait a minute, then wait!
A
male
reader, geo55  +, writes (13 April 2009):
Ok first dont describe anything ok unless really necessary.
Now what i suggest is buy him lubricant, magazines and leave a note in his room saying your sorry for barging in on him and that what he was doing is okay and if you get the supplies tell him what they are four thats all you can do.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (12 April 2009):
 Give him time to calm down, the poor lad must be so embarrassed and having you try and give him "the talk" is going to help much.
Act as though nothing has happened and he will get over it, you're not that old, that you don't remember being a sulky teenager are you?
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (12 April 2009):
 His being adopted perhaps play a little bit in this, but teenagers being teenagers and their hormones, his behaviour sounds "normal" to me. The sulking, the raging hormones, the embarrassment, the mood swings are not that uncommon amongst teenagers, adopted or not. If you find it difficult to talk to him, maybe you can find a book, or a magazine, or links (which you can email him) on puberty and masturbation in young boys. And a small post it note to apologize him walking into the bathroom and accidentally found him there. And yes, ask him that the next time, to lock the bathroom when he is in there. Put a smiley on your note. Then close the subject, unless he wants to bring it up himself.I know in some households, bathrooms do not have locks, for various reasons (e.g. when elderly or sick people are also in the house, or when it is just two people husband/wife in the house, or when you're on your own). A closed bathroom door, for instance, is already an indication that it is occupied. So perhaps, if your bathroom does not have a lock, and there are no elderly or sick people in the house, you need to put a lock in that door. Preferably, one that can be opened with a key on either side, in case of emergencies.Hope your father/son relationship will improve soon.Cat
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): He's obviously embarrassed. Confront it by saying to him, "Heh, it's no big deal, it's natural to be curious about your body. Just lock the door." And don't ever bring it up again. It'll be a BIG trust issue/test for him. If you tell, or discuss it further, he will never trust you again. ANd let him sulk about it for as long as he wants. Don;t bring it up again. He'll get over the embarrassment, if he thinks/knows that you won;t bring it up again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Its puzzling to me that you would describe how he was doing it...That has nothing to do with this question. Well if you are legitimate:What you do, is you KNOCK, before you go in the bathroom. That and awkwardness over you seeing what he didn't want you to see, no doubt has him furious at you.anyway, give it time. But don't don't don't, try to talk about it with him. Just act like it never happened. He'll eventually get over it.
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