A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel addicted to my ex even though he treated me badly. I finished the relationship but he keeps contacting me even though I asked him to stop each time. I don't contact him but we spoke for an hour the other day after 2 months.I know he's no good for me and he won't change. I don't know what to do.I've done all the 'right' things: started dance classes, art classes, decorated the house, haven't contacted him etc I was just beginning to feel better when he contacted me out of the blue to "see how you are". Now I'm desperately missing him.How do I move on? What do I do if he gets in contact again? I have already told him that it's over and to leave me alone again and again but he still got in contact.What should I do as I'm feeling very vulnerable.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I agree there is nothing wrong with you. Even though he treated you badly you still cant help who you fall for whether they treat you good or not. You obviously jut got used to having him in your life and fell in to a routine and now you miss that, that is totally normal so dont beat yourself up about it sweetie. He knows what to say and what buttons to push because he knows that deep down you still want him and thats why he is messing with your head. Its time to show him that you are a strong independant woman and you dont need him in your life. Goodluck i wish you all the happiness in the future, and remember keep strong you can do this.
A
female
reader, littleBB  +, writes (2 May 2011):
You have done nothing wrong. He is the one at fault here and he has used you. There is nothing wrong with you, you just were unlucky to meet this person. Perhaps you have low self esteem?(don't read this as an accusation!) Don't beat yourself up, you are acting the right way, you are very brave, keep up with the good work, focus on yourself and love yourself, you will find a good man who loves you, there are good men in the world too. Love and peace
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have found out that it's going to cost to change my cell number so I am changing providers instead. Just to let you know what I am taking this seriously and thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much! I feel so alone and vulnerable and I'm hurting so much. I KNOW I can't go back to the relationship as he didn't treat me with any respect at all. It's just so hard knowing that there is nothing I can do and all that is left is to move on.I will change my number. At least that way I will not be looking at the phone all the time waiting for a message or a call. I have blocked him on facebook and I will be downloading software to block him and get a friend to do the password for me in case I get weak.He wasn't physically abusive he was just inconsiderate, insensitive, disrespectful and parasitical. He said all the right stuff but didn't act on what he said. In the end I told him to get his stuff, return my key and leave. I mailed his stuff back to him and told him to stop contacting me.He didn't so I sent him a letter on facebook telling him why the relationship didn't work and to leave me alone.I have got rid off all his stuff, I did that the moment we broke up. I deleted his number. I changed the apartment and decorated to keep myself busy.Things got so bad that I started having panic attacks and severe anxiety. I'm taking Beta Blockers and was on valium just to be able to move. I was in so much pain.I don't understand. The relationship didn't even have a honeymoon period. He wasn't even interested in sex, he said, "Why would I want something I can have any time I want?" He was always late, (by four hours) he never wanted to take me out or do anything, he would tell me to shut up when he was watching TV, he ate all my food and was chasing girls on facebook...OMG! There is something very wrong with me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. I have found out that I can't block him from my cell provider BUT I have just 'rejected' him on my phone. I hope that works.
I really need to know what I do should he get through because last time he got through via a computer and I didn't recognise his number...then I ended up talking to him for ages.
I said at one point "Well if you're going to be like that I'll hang up" and he said, "But you don't want to do you."
I said nothing. A part of me is screaming out for us to get back together and if he actually changed some of his behaviour, I would. Another part of me is thinking he won't change, he's an ass and I should move on.
I don't even know why he's contacting me as he didn't care about me when we were together...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 May 2011):
Change your number so that he can not contact your phone anymore, or simply just hang up the phone, tell him leave you alone and leave it at that. You have come this far so now is not the time to be going backwards, its the time to be moving on and realising that you are worth so much more. You have already accepted that he is no good for you. Therefore just keep that in your mind and if you can I highly suggest changing your number or else ringing your telephone provider and asking them to block his number from ringing you.
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A
female
reader, AguaSwimGurl  +, writes (1 May 2011):
Hello there. I am 23 and going through the exact same thing right now. I actually posted on here "I don't want to care about him but how do I get over him." if you want to take a look. I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 4 months ago which lasted for about a year and a half. It's been very difficult because I still know what is going on in his life because of friends that are mutual and through facebook. I've tried to move on, date, keep myself busy but there are still times that I have a pit in my stomach/a feeling that I miss him despite his bad behavior and abusive ways...crazy right?
I think what definitely helps is writing about your feelings as well as writing a list about what you didn't like about the person you were with. If you look at the list everytime you are missing him I think eventually you will begin to see why he wasn't right for you.
Also, in terms of him contacting you I would maybe change your phone number so that he doesn't have your number and then he won't be able to contact you. If he tries emailing you or what not I would change your email as well. Doing all of these things will definitely deter and hopefully make him leave you alone. Also, I think its great you are getting out there and trying new things and keeping yourself busy. I am trying the exact same thing although sometimes it is tough because I am still in school.
Lastly, I would just have fun get out there and start dating new people and also try to get rid of anything that relates to your ex. (at least stuff it in a big box for way later to look at) This is what I did.
You deserve someone that treats you better and I think he is trying to now talk to you because he is alone and because he wants you to feel as bad as he does about himself. You deserve better and can find better. Sometimes its tough I admit, I know from my experience to think you can find someone else out there but there is always hope and there are a lot of fish in the sea! :)
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, littleBB +, writes (1 May 2011):
Change your phone number, disappear,pretend you live in another country, dont pick up the phone, avoid him,he will eventually fade. He realizes you cannot resist him that's why he disrespects your boundaries, and by the way that's what he does: he disrespects your will. If you told him not to contact you he should respect that. If he comes in person around you get a restraining order. The addiction you feel is due to his mistreatment, it is very complicated to explain this but some people who get abused might develop intense guilt and addiction to the abuser, like Stockolm syndrome. Try to stay strong and don't go back to him, if he abused you he didnt love you in the first place, you need to heal and love yourself more.
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