A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all reading this.I am a very strong individual and never imagined i would be even writing here to ask for help but im so much entangled in this situation i just do not know what to do. Please help me. We met over a matrimonial site and fell in love: I was from the UK and he from the US. He told his parents about me: His father was unhappy about it as he wanted him to marry to one of his cousins from abroad. The guy stood up for me and he insisted he would marry me or would never marry anyone else. Due to the above the parents came to the UK, did act funny towards my family but when they saw my dad all calm despite of their behaviour we finally got engaged.May I add before we even got engaged the guy introduced me to his oldest brother (bro that he is very close to and loves the most). The bro did not really seem to have a problem with me and we talked for over 1 hour on the phone. The following day i spoke to his wife and after that I started hearing all negative comments from his brother and wife through the guy. The guy told me that the bro and wife feel i am not good for him. I personally think it is due to his brother's wife that all this started (she found me too confident and bold about myself). They started saying I would control the guy coz i am too strong in terms of personality so coz of that i would not be suitable for him. Despite all of that we still got engaged.After we got engaged i talked to his whole family over the phone and they all sounded sweet and nice to me. After just 2 weeks of our engagement the oldest brother's wife started putting me down on facebook and being all rude to me which i did not tolerate and told her off right to her face on fb. The oldest bro intervened and send me a very rude msg. Automatically my MIL (mother in law) got involved and to sort all this out I was asked to say sorry regardless of the fact that it was not my fault. The guy who loved me asked me to say sorry and i let down my guard (accepted to this trash and said sorry). This grinded me till today and i ended up telling him several times. He ended up telling his oldest bro and his bro's wife (the lady told him oh for ur happiness i could tell her a sorry). The guy i love broke my trust by telling his bro and his bro's wife that we were having issues coz of them (despite of me telling him never ever to tell them). I completely broke down coz i told him u know how petty that looks now that their behaviour can come in between us both and told him it was over, our relationship. I told off his oldest bro and the oldest bro wife telling them to keep away from our relationship. He disrespected me with rude words. the guy became fine after me telling him i would not leave himAn incident after the above resulted in the guy i love turning his phone off which left me worried so i called my MIL and asked if there was a landline number i could call to where my lover lives (Lives currently with older bro and (SIL)wife). She lied saying No and was also rude with me on the phone. After that she told my lover i was rude to her which was a lie as i was very calm talking to her.I just feel that pain in my heart. I feel scared moving to the US after all the above. He assures me its gonna be alright. They brainwash him, several times his different. He keeps telling me that if i go he would go in front of a car and get hit or die. I do love him i know but i just am confused whether i should really marry him or not? His family dosent like me. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Marry him and you marry all his dysfunctional family. Don't do it. It really won't work. You are lucky to have found out what an awful swamp you would be jumping into. You would be crazy to even go there for a life of misery.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Dont punish him just because his family are being horrible to you. Obviously the dont like your personality and think you are not good for him, but that is his choice and his choice only, there is only two people in a relationship and if he wants to marry you well then he should.
In saying that his family will probably keep giving the both of you trouble and he is going to need to stand up for you and tell them to leave you alone. I know it will be hard for him because at the end of the day he loves you but he also loves his family. I guess you just need to ask yourself is he really worth making such a big move over and settling down with. Because if he is then dont let his family win.
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