A
female
age
36-40,
*aluf
writes:i have just discoverd that my hubby hav been cheating with a widow who is far more older than me i am 25.he never sleeps outside,but i started to worry two weeks ago, when he told me he was going to work on a saterday, he went the whole day and came home late. we fought and the following week i saw messages from another woman and it seemed she wanted to see him again and also telling him how much she loves him because he takes care of her. i ended up calling her and at the time i was furious, i did not call her names i just told her that i'm giving him to her so it does not need to be a secret anymore,she then called my husband and complained to him. he told me that she is someone who does not exist and she was trying to lure him. she called me the following day and appologised fo rhaving an affair with my husband even though she knew he had a wife. i am very hurt, i dont know what to say when i'm with him and now i have a pain behind my head and i cant seem to move my body flexibly,i feel like i can do something very bad to her just to make her feel my pain. i cant even make love to him, he irritate me. i feel i have to forgive but i cant bring myself to do that. but there has to be peace even for the sake of our son.
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female
reader, raluf +, writes (31 May 2010):
raluf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANK YOU ALL FRO RESPONDING.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): this beyrayal is all too new, therefore you are hurting, it is too unreal and you cannot make head or tail of all this.
i find it annoying/unacceptable/unrealistic that he expects you to just carry on as per previous. you cannot. also please stop blaming yourself. he cheated because he wanted to. now he expects you to make love to him without going through the emotional turmoil. this is not fair. it means that you both have not dealt with the problems and cheating and that he doesn't fully understand the effects of his betrayal. you will not be alright for a while. using sex as a reward doesn't make his cheating go away. you have to heal and work at your marriage and start being honest with each other. open communication is key here.
good luck. the only way to reconcile is to address his cheating. plse do not only blame the other woman. it is your hb who cheated on you. also do not sweep this under the carpet. check yourself for any HIV/STDs, this is a reality. this reconciliation is long term, your trust issue and other marriage issues cannot be fixed overnight. remember it was your hb who caused your pain, he is the guilty one and so often wives only focus on the other woman and the cheating hb gets away scot free. plse do not make this mistake.
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A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 If you still feel love for your husband, and he is sincere that he will not do anything with this woman, then you can forgive him. Forgiveness takes strength, and it will make you feel better. Tell your husband that you are very hurt and it is for him to make you feel better. Also tell him, you will not accept such things in future.
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