A
female
age
51-59,
*ysterygirl37
writes:I have been in a relationship with this man for 12 yrs. and it's been off and on. He's been cheating, lying and he's even gotten the women he cheats with pregnant, he doesn't respect me, doesn't appreciates me, and when me and him get into an argument he always has a way of turning it around and making it my fault and tells me I have to go or he will leave and I won't see him for days. I wanna leave, but I have become so dependent on this man and I think he knows that and he uses it to his advantage. I love him and I know he doesn't love me or care about me like I do him, but how do I make myself come to terms that whatever I do this man is never gonna love me and he's never gonna have feelings for me or care about me. Right now my self-esteem is so low I feel as though I have no choice but to put up with this abuse from him cause I don't know how to leave and accept the fact that he doesn't want me. Help me tell me what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 How are dependent on this man?...Financially?....or Emotionally?....If it's financially then find a job, start setting aside some money secretly and when you have a nice little nestegg you should pack your things when he's gone and move the hell out. If it's emotionally you're just going to have to find the strength and that is a much harder thing to do. You obviously love him more than he loves you. And I'm sure you deserve someone better. Rally your friends to help you in this area. When you love and respect yourself, you will not put up with this kind of treatment. Try counseling. It may help you be stronger. I wish you the best.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 I can tell you what to do: leave the man. However, it is you who needs to gather the strength to do just that. It will be very hard, but that's the only way you'll be free.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): im sorry for your pain...tears came to my eyes as i read your post...i would say try to sit him down and have a one on one...find out if his future plans include you...it sounds like he loves you just as much as you love him...the mere fact may be that he just simply isn't IN love with you anymore, and doesn't know how to end the relationship without feeling like a failure...men have a ego thing about thereselves...and even though he's cheating he hasn't got up enough nerve to leave you...so you can be with someone that knows how to treat you...if i were you i'd start looking for a job asap...this will show him that you do have the ability to be independent...men lose respect for woman in some instances when they don't have any security of their own...this may sound weird, but im in a similar situation...only im the other woman...sad...i know...but the fact is it happens...if we only knew from the jump what you as main gf went through...i believe it would be easier for us to let these guys go...the guy im involved with isn't married nor does he and his gf share children, but i shared with her what he was saying about he's not in love with her anymore, and he's always depressed and angry...and she knew it to be true because she lives with him...on some occassions these men could just be going through mid-life crisis...he's 40 and im 28...but i don't know...im at a stand still currently with this guy...i know i probably didn't fully help you but i'd just wanted to give you a different perspective...and for the record i have been married and cheated on by my husband who eventually left me and said he was no longer in love with me...for the record im not proud im involved with another womans man...but it is what it is...your still young if you know all you said to be true about the way he's treating you and he doesn't have any sympathy for your feelings and well being i'd advise you to carefully plan a way out...maybe go over a friend or relatives house until you can come up with a plan...if he doesn't beg for you to come back, you'll know that he's just been waiting for you to make the first move....best hopes and God bless
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