A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I desperately need advice as I have nowhere else to turn. I broke up with my boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years recently as he was very abusive both verbally and recently, physically. My friends noticed I had changed and was depressed and so they confronted me about him and helped me move out of the condo we own.The biggest reason I need help is I have put money into the place and want most of it back after this split. I don't think its unreasonable ($4000) but I also don't want to go to court. I did consult a lawyer friend who says I AM owed the money but how can I get him to pay? Once again, I want to keep this out of the court system cause it will cost more money to go that route.Also, my friends now don't want to talk about him after what he did to me, but I'm so emotionally hurt. Any advice from those who have been in my shoes on not thinking of him moving on or thinking he'll change for the next person and that I wasn't worth his best self? I'm almost 24 and had to move back in with my parents after this and he says I'm a loser for living at home at my age. I feel like a loser after this relationship. Help!
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Well first off give yourself credit for getting out of an abusive relationship. Most women are battered, in denial and can't bring themselves to get out of the relationship.
I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and after it finally ended, I had to seek counseling afterwards to help with my tattered mental state. I too lived with my parents (the economy was going down the drain) and had to start life all over again. It was so worth it, because I had a chance to be happy again. So do you.
So what if you have to live at home? It's only temporary.
The only loser here is your ex because he gets satisfaction from abusing women. One day a woman will have enough of his ways and call the police on him.
As far as getting $$ out of him, the only way is to take legal action. Do you have the receipts proving the amount of $$ you put into the condo? You can't make him pay otherwise, unless you want to threaten him. But I doubt he will take kindly to threats or be remotely frightened into paying you back. Can your lawyer friend not take you on pro bono?
A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (29 April 2012):
Good for you for having the courage to get out of the relationship before it went on any further! This is going to take some time to heal from, but you are already on the right track. Okay, in a nut shell you can't tip toe around him & be afraid to take him to court. You may not get it from him any other way. You can go to small claims court, represent yourself for a small fee of about $200 dollars. This can put some fire under him & let him know your serious.
As far as dealing with the break up....your going to have to cold turkey any contact with him! He's abusive, mentally & physically! Stop allowing him to bring you down, you've moved out for this reason. Keep yourself busy, the gym, social groups, girl friends, family, take a class. You need to fill that dead space with positive things & people. Yes, he will move on with some other victim, but NO...he will not change. He will just do the same thing to someone else, if they let him.
I know it hurts, but be thankful you got out of this toxic relationship ALIVE! It will get better...
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