A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some help/advice/opinions. So i recently contacted an old flame. First of all, Im terrified of rejection, so I'm generally not too forward when it comes to relationships. But I feel so strongly for this man I took the chance and contacted him. Things started off seemingly well, until he just stopped all contact without reason. Which struck me as odd, since we seemed to hit it off. Its been almost a month and I've heard nothing from him. I've since been told that he's had a girlfriend for the past year and broke up with her three weeks ago. One week after I initially contacted him.(I had no idea he had an SO) I don't know what to think or what to do. Do I send another message? Give him time? Maybe Im being immature here, but the fact that he completely ignored me bothers me to no end! I can understand that he's most likely going through a rough time but does that justify his abrupt cut off. I truly like him and do not want to let him go again. What can I do? Thanks in advance! I don't want this to be rejection, my worst fear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments everyone. I actually had contacted him via email. I considered it the safest option. And I would never for one moment think that I was the cause of his breakup, Im not that naive. I am however hopeful that this isn't the end. We had never actually officially dated, the timing was off. The connection was there, we both knew it, but of course I had to be my usual self and act aloof to it all. We were extremely close, we have numerous things in common, I cant even begin to name. In fact, it kind of scared me. I understand the roller coaster of emotions that come with a breakup, hence the reason Im not sure what to do. I know I shouldn't expect a direct response as to why he stopped messaging me, but I cant help but be a little hurt. Ill give it time. One more try cant hurt, right?
A
female
reader, LilWun23  +, writes (6 March 2009):
i definetly agree with emilysanswers, you never know what could have happened to his phone or whatever it is. i would definetly try one more time and leave a message or something like HEY HOW ARE YOU DOING? ITS BEEN A WHILE HOWS LIFE TREATING YOU... whatever you do DO NOT mention that you know about his recent breakup and for that matter that you know that it happened while you were contacting him, you arent necessarily the reason he broke up with his former girlfriend so dont get your hopes up.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 March 2009):
 If I were you I would actually leave pretty much well alone. You have to remember that it was you who contacted him. He was polite to you, as men usually are, but if he really would have wanted to restart things with you again, he would have been the one to get in touch first.
I know this sounds harsh and unfair but you have to accept that it has been you who has made the connection, not him.
He has his own recent break up to deal with and your probably one of the last people he wishes to speak to.
As you said yourself ' you fear rejection' you really want him' 'you dont want to let go again'. Maybe you are trying to prove something to yourself? Either way you should accept that ties have been severed again and move on with your own life. Hard to go through but its just a matter of time before you begin to feel better about yourself.
Good luck to you hunny xxx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 March 2009):
He could have lost his phone, he could be having emotional breakdowns over his girlfriend, they might be trying again on the condition that he stop talking to ex girlfriends, he could have been hit by a bus!
90% of the time it's not about you.
You haven't said HOW you are in contact with him. May I suggest you try a different method like calling him on his land line or going round to see him.
Just say that you noticed his sudden disappearance and wanted to check he was ok.
Good Luck!! xx
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