A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old and i have been married for almost 3 years. My husband is 24. We have 2 kids together, a 3yr old and a 5 month old. I don't know if i still love him. He is a good father and provider.He does not cheat on me. But to me he is not thankful for me and he does not apreciate what i do for him. I stay at home with the kids and I'm trying to find an online school to finsh my college. He does not want me to put the kids in day care to go to school during the day because he works at night, and sleeps in the day. There is not really a sex life if we do have sex it is maybe once a week or once every two weeks. when we do have sex it is quick and meaningless to me. Also he thinks that everytime we get the chance to have sex that i should give hime oral sex first, i have told him that i dont like to do that all the time but still insists on it. We do not go out just him and i. I feel guilty to want to leave him but I want to be happy. I dont know if it is best for the kids either. So my question is if i should stay and if so what could i do to love hime again? Or if i should leave and start a new chapter of my life? What should i do???
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you tux you are absolutely right about everything i have tried to talk to him but did not exactly tell him all that i feel. i feel very guilty for this because i know that he does love me. but how do i tell him, how do i start it out in a conversation? i dont want to be mean but i want him to understand and really listen. i dont want him to say sorry and it go to exactly the same. i know that it is not all his fault it is mine too for not taking care of the problem in the very begining. we did everything so fast in our life that it became overwhelming. please help me to love my husband and be attracted to him again, that is what i really want. i know now that i dont want to leave him!!!!
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (5 March 2009):
 You need to talk to him! Learn how to communicate, it is important to a relationship. From the way you wrote, it does not sound like you have brought this up to him before and he is probably walking around like nothing is wrong or he feels that you are pulling away from him. You say that he isn't thankful for you and don't appreciate what you do for him, but remember that not everyone shows appreciation or thankfulness in the same way and he may be doing something to show you this, but you are reading it as something else.
I think the new chapter of your life is to talk to him and discuss this between the two of you. If you already have then, that's different. but either way perhaps marriage counseling will help...?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): What's best for the kids does not necessarily mean you two have to be together. This scenario depends on how each of you take care of this problem. If you two can break up but still maintain the mentality that your kids come first and know how to deal with your own problems, then things can work out. Again, this depends on the maturity and ego of each person.
If you have tried to make this relationship work and it simply feels that it won't work, then speak to someone who can give you ideas on how to provide love and care for the kids, while you go through this separation. A lot of people believe that giving the illusion of a family to their children while the parents are very unhappy is the 'right' thing to do, but I've seen families go through the exact problem and the kids don't come out quite right. They pick up on things and question them. If they have any conscience, they would start to feel your frustrations and misery too.
However, before you set out on your journey, ask yourself: "Will I be able to take care of the children financially, emotionally and time/energy-wise when I go out there on my own?" If you answer "yes", then go for it. If you answer "maybe" or "no", then don't do it.
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