A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a lesbian who had a mutual understanding relationship with a married woman - nothing intimate, we just go out and have dinner. We'd keep in touch through a famous social network, usually through private messages. I usually joke a lot and in our last conversation, it seems she got offended with one of my jokes (realized it after 4 days). She abruptly stopped all communications with me and even blocked my account. I was so confused since I did not know what I actually did. I left messages through text, called her and before she blocked my account, I sent her messages asking what happened. I apologized even without being certain what really caused her anger. I felt hurt and found her rude. This morning, after three days of not bothering her and hoping her anger has settled, I called her phone, but no answer. Just to spite her, I repeatedly rang her up until she turned off her phone. I sent her a text before that if she does not want to talk to me, at least I need to know why she got mad at me in the first place. But again no answer.I am trying to move on, but it really hurts. I deleted her number (though stupid me, I memorized it w/o knowing it), deleted her pictures and messages in my phone, deleted all songs which reminded me of her. I want to get mad at her, but most of the time, my love for her prevails. I'll get mad at myself for falling in love with her. She was the one who made known to me that she has a crush on me, but despite all caution I did, I eventually fell for her. Mind you, I am not blaming her for it. But I just wish I took more caution then and avoided her.. But I realized either way, I would still be hurting... Now all I have are memories of her... A friend told me that she was just being "testy" but after my calls, I doubt it if that is the case anymore.Sometimes, I look for a way to communicate with her. A common friend asked me if I wanted her to be our middleman but I was afraid that she will earn the anger of my Ex, so I politely declined. Was I right? I have no illusions of us being together again. I just want us to have a more pleasant break-up, and for my sanity, I just want to know why she got mad. Should I use someone to talk to her?
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crush, lesbian, married woman, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Good for you! Think of this as a necessary learning experience and seek comfort in knowing that the ones we truly love the most are those who have the biggest roles in shaping who we are--even if it comes from us losing them.
Whenever you miss her, think of the ways she's touched your life and 'absourbed' into you. Little pieces of her are now little pieces of you, be thankful for that. It's the most amazing way we can ever show appreciation another human being! Keep those aspects a part of you as long as they work for you, and carry your life on from here knowing that her and everyone else you've loved along the line has helped you to become who you are today in every way possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, its been helpful. I realized that I have to own my actions, and I've accepted that there is no one here to blame but me, no excuses. I allowed myself to be sucked in this situation, so it's only me who can squeeze my way out.
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A
female
reader, this_years_love +, writes (14 March 2012):
To put it bluntly (which you need to hear), it's your behaviour that has caused this to escalate to this point, period. You harassed this woman when she probably only needed a bit of space to figure some things out and deal with her decisions accordingly. If ANY of my friends were as blatently inconsiderate and disrespectful to me as you have been to this woman, I would cut them out immediately because it just shows FAR too much about character. It's not one bad mistake, you repeatedly and conciously called her again and again 'just to spite her', as you admitted, and found a way (technology) of intruding upon her and chasing her up like a rapid dog even after she indicated she wished you to stop by not responding to you. If you're as old as your profile says you REALLY need to watch your actions because this is enough to arise legal concern. If I was in the married woman's shoes, I'd be considering whether or not to alert my local police about this type of overbearing, clingy, and frightning behaviour by this point. This is harrassment, and you're making an utter fool of yourself. You need to CARE what other people are feeling enough to admit it when hurt it caused by you and do EVERYTHING you can to not hurt someone anymore. This is just an appauling way to represent yourself and carry yourself, if this is a 'regular' thing for you or if behaviour like this is common with you, I honestly suggest you seek some kind of help, be it from friends or someone in the mental help field, to deal with your anger, attachment issues, and lack of empathy. Especially your willingness to make rash decisions out of anger that you KNOW are hurting others and that you do with the INTENTION of hurting others. This is the stuff of BAD jr. high break ups, this is absolutely not appropriate in adults and no potential partner you meet in the future is going to be willing to deal with harrasment and out of control rash decision making to be with you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Look, she is married and you should have known from the start there is no future in this. Yes it hurts when the person you love doesnt want you in their life anymore, but you have opened yourself up to this scenario as you got involved with a married woman.
If you want a chance at a happy relationship without all this heartache date a single woman. Everyone knows the having an affair with a married person is painful and is never easy - you knew this from the start so this outcome should not have come as a surprise to you. You brought this on yourself, so now you have to deal with it.
Break-ups are never pleasant, affairs and cheating are never pleasant - I'm sorry but you are not going to get this lovely 'lets still be friends' break up you want.
Rather than wondering why she broke off this relationship (chances are her husband was getting suspicious, or she wants to work on things with him) - focus on moving forward. Looking back isnt going to make things better, and getting an answer isnt going to help you either. Even if you knew the true reason, it still wouldnt bring her back.
What has happened is for the best - she is married so she could never be yours in the way you want. Accept that this break up is final, it is the right thing for both of you and now you are free to move on and be happy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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