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anonymous
writes: Last year, I got pregnant and subsequently had an abortion. During this upsetting period, my family and I learned that my sister was having her first baby. It was so hard to cope, although I was so happy for her. Since then, I have wanted to break things off with my boyfriend so that I can really move on. We haven't had sex since I found out as I feel too nervous of what might happen. No one knows about this, my family would be very upset and my boyfriend and I have many mutual friends and I'm worried they would take sides with my boyfriend, as he wanted to keep the baby. Also, if we were to break up, I feel my friends would abandon me in favour of my boyfriend. Please help me.
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female
reader, sarah_06 +, writes (10 July 2006):
i no what you are going through i am 16 and this is my second time that i have fell pregnant in the same year. you need to talk to someone you dont no i dont want to get rid of this baby because i have just had an abortion not long ago but my boyfriend wants me to i think i will leave him if i have to go through it again. xx
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reader, sammi +, writes (25 March 2005):
Good god, if anyone were to "take sides" I would think that they wouldn't understand. Obviously you made the right desision for you, if your "boyfriend" loved or cared for you he would understand. If you feel that the only way you can be at peace with this ordeal is to break up with him, then do it, just tell him that you need some time to sort things out in your head and that you will still be there if he wants to talk. He should be OK about this. But from where I am standing I'm backing you all the way, girlfriend. I can honestly say you have made the right choice on this one!!
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A reader, rach, writes (14 January 2005): mate having an abortion is a very big thing for you to go through.but you really need to think about yourself first and whats right for you ie i had an abortion last year and i still think of it to this day but at the time i was at university and i am still following my career path.at the end of the day you thought about yourself which is what you should do
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 January 2005):
 Hi,You sound like you're in real turmoil, which is understandable. You've just made a tremendously difficult and sad decision at a time when so much attention was focussed on babies, due to your sister's pregnancy. It seems that the situation is a nightmare that you want to put behind you ASAP. I understand that, too.However, I don't think that keeping all this tension and fear bottled up inside yourself is the way to deal with it. Your really need to share the details with a trusted friend or someone trained in counselling women after abortions, because if you don't recognise the hurt, you won't be able to heal. You need to know that the decision that you made was right for you, and therefore, OK. No one else was carrying this pregnancy, and although your boyfriend's opinion was important, ultimately the choice to terminate the pregnancy was yours alone. Your friends' opinions - or your parent's - aren't relevant.You don't say how old you and your boyfriend are or how long you've been together, so whether or not the two of you were emotionally and financially ready for the responsibility of kids is something that only you will know. However, the fact that your expressed concern is that your friends might take your boyfriend's side over yours suggests that you're fairly young and/or that you have self-esteem issues. The reason I bring this up is to make it clear that your family and your real friends are entitled to their opinions, but they will not love you less because you had to make a decision they don't agree with. Your parents, especially, will know that children are not a fashion accessory, to be disregarded when they get boring. They'll know that kids are difficult, expensive and a lifelong commitment.I suggest that you need to unburden yourself. If you don't feel that you can say to your parents "I've been through an awful experience and it would make me feel better to tell you about it", then look in the phone book, under the government listings for Women's Counselling services. There are professional, trained people who work as volunteers who can help you get on top of this and who can help you get beyond the fear and panic. They can also make some suggestions to help you find more reliable contraception, so that you don't find yourself pregnant again, before you're ready for it.As for breaking it off with your boyfriend, again that's your decision. Just don't feel that you have to leave him because he was part and parcel of what you've recently been through. If you two don't have the same attachment for each other as you did before, that's one thing; but if you feel you want to break up just because he reminds you of this trauma, then think twice. Your b/f is about the only other person who knows what you've been through. If you're still friends, he could be a great source of support for you.Finally, any 'friends' who would abandon you in this situation don't fit the description of any friends that you really need and I think you may be worrying too much about them taking sides.Take care of yourself and I hope it works out.
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