A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22 and the only relationship I have ever been In lasted 3 years before he came out gay. It was a very complicated break up with a lot of mixed feelings and we would still spend time together and end up sleeping together for around a year afterwards. It's been 3 years since we split now and we still remain best friends, not a day goes by when I don't speak to him. For the last year he's been in a new relationship with a man who has also become a very good friend to me. At first I found their relationship very hard to deal with but this has become much easier over time. I am still however finding it very difficult to date people myself and can get very jealous. I haven't been on a single date since we split and other than one night stands or casual hook ups nobody has shown any real interest in me. It's starting to really upset me what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2017): You have to stop being a third-wheel in your ex-boyfriend's love-life. You have cutoff your own visibility and availability; by nurturing your romance-turned-friendship, while inadvertently neglecting your own love-life.
Never a day goes by that you don't speak to him. Then stop!
Flush him out of your system, and stop hanging-on to him!
You're not taking any other men seriously; by trying to compete with or avert your boyfriend's male romantic-interests. Constantly being the wedge that won't budge!
How convenient that you've also befriended his new boyfriend?!! The better to stay safely-positioned in your ex's life, my dear! You would just love to gut him like a fish!
You're deflecting the interests and pursuits of other men who show interest in you; because you still have an air of being "taken." Probably brushing-off advances and snubbing flirtations. Always comparing everybody to your ex.
They don't make you feel like he made you feel. News flash, sister! They're not supposed to!!! Time for a new flavor! A little less fruity! Gay humor! It's okay to chuckle!
I can imagine seeing you there when they go clubbing, there when they go shopping, at every party, at every celebration; including on his birthday. Always a part of the furnishings and landscape of your boyfriend's life. Always being his most loyal fan. Taking fashion-tips, and getting sex on the side!
You can't meet straight-men in gay bars! You might want to keep your straight-life separate; as not to invite more bisexual men, more attracted to your ex than you!
Your "loyalty" is nothing more than infatuation (unrequited love) disguised as friendship. He likes they way you jump when he snaps his fingers!
Time to cut the cord, girlfriend! That ship has sailed, and it's time for you to shed the old skin and move on and be you. You are too young to be sentenced to being your boyfriend's eternal fag-hag! Your story isn't new. If he was a real friend, he would encourage you to move on; and wish you happiness and love.
Tell him you have decided to take a little break from the friendship, and you won't be seeing him for awhile. You need some space and you need to get-out and find yourself. That means go no-contact and ghosting yourself on social media.
Time to establish your social and romantic independence. You are no longer his beard and fruit-fly. You are an intelligent attractive young woman; who deserves to get out there and find your own life and romance. Take a lone holiday somewhere exotic or tropical. Get your groove back and re-establish your femininity and power of attraction.
He's being a cock-blocker, and doing his best to hold-on to a part of himself he no longer ascribes to. You're not a reminder of his heterosexuality, or a side-dish. You're a main-dish and dessert! Get yourself a straight-guy!
He is officially gay-dating, and you're just there to boost his ego and to attest to the fact he has the ability to be "bisexual." A selling-point for a lot of guys with one foot still in the closet. Switch-hitting! It appeases their parents, straight-buddies, and homophobic family-members.
He can still profess to the label of "bisexual;" with proof available on demand. Gays tend to like that illusion; as if they have nabbed themselves a "straight-guy." I have seen this a lot. I'm a gay man. It's a bunch of hooey!
Sweetheart, you're emotionally-unavailable and spending too much time with your gay friends. Time to go back to the hetero-world and make yourself accessible. You're getting in your own way, trying to hold-on to the past.
He's not just a friend; you're emotionally holding-out. Waiting for him to find his way back home. Sorry, but he's out of the closet and on his journey to finding himself. Ask him to leave you alone to do the same.
Trust me, sweetheart! He's not going through a phase!
Your jealousy is crippling your single-life. Chasing a man who is attracted to men. You can't concentrate on your own business; because you're too busy keeping track of your ex.
Your post is a good sign! You're frustrated! It's the first-step to realizing this is not good for you. You're on the verge of letting go. Here's a good push!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): I don't think you should give up on the friendship or take a year out .. but I do think you need to let go and please please stop hooking up .. if your looking for something more give a guy sex isn't going to get him .. honestly it's not .Now; everyone peaks and dips .. and this is your little dip .. also girls who are looking for guys come off as desperate so you need to think .. what the hell.. I love dancing .. do you ? I also love having a great time out with my friends so concentrate on them if guys come over .. be a lil distant and lil mysterious just be quiet it will do their box in trying to talk with you . Just smile sweetly and say your the quiet one out the bunch .. If you don't have girls to hang out with then you need to proactively meet some new going out socialing buddies ( not your now gay friends .. do not call him an ex .. keep saying my friends who are gay - this is not to be horrid it's to 1. Let you acknowledge this guy's sexuality , he cared for you so much he literally gave up his sexuality for a long time to be honest with you .. and it crumbled .. he now found someone else who he cares for and sexual is in sync with .. and 2ndly your reminding yourself you two are best friends, close friends . So don't give that part up .. ). Don't penalise him for being honest and coming out of the shadow .. Get out there mingling so if you see them lots in a week take it down to twice or even once . If once is too hard make it every fortnight while you get out mix and mingle and find yourself .. I'm not meaning with meaningless sex .. you are worth so much more sweetie .. and you will find the right one .. may have to kiss a few frogs on the way ..though .. teasing and flirting but not giving it .. until the guy has at least proved himself to be worthy of such a great girl .. Chin up sweetie x
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 October 2017):
 You should free yourself of your ex and put some distance between you so that you can put a real end to your relationship. You have never really split up. Your heart is still with him. Nobody wants to play second fiddle to someone's ex.
Tell him that you NEED to stop having contact with him for a while (I would say at least a year) so that your feelings for him have chance to abate. In the meantime, enjoy going out with friends and enjoy being single. It is usually, when you are least looking for it, that new love will enter your life.
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