A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so this is long, but I need help.April 2006. I met someone - I didn't know then that he would change my entire life. How could I have possibly known? It started out easily enough, that much was true. We just talked online at first. It was sort of similar to You've Got Mail, I guess. His name is Stephen. And he is the first person I ever had true feelings for or cared about. He was also the first person who was able to see past my looks and into my heart. (Admittedly, I wasn't the cutest rising freshman.) By June 2006, we were dating. He was the person who changed my life for the better. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone in my life. I thought that, if any couple in the world was capable of lasting forever, we would be the one. I thought wrong.Everything was pretty standard and normal for the first 6 months or so, and then it ended abruptly. I didn't know why at the time. I couldn't comprehend it. He was everything I always wanted, and he had led me to believe he felt the same about me. Sure enough, the empty words he spoke held no meaning after she came in the picture. He left me on the 1st of January, and he had moved on by the 10th. I was emotionally crushed, and I took it terribly. This was most likely due to my inexperience with love and heartbreak. I took a downward spiral, and it took me five months to recover. But, unfortunately, recovery is not the same thing as moving on. Although Stephen was happy and still with his new girlfriend, I pined for him. It was impossible for me to get over him, no matter what I did. Every thought came back to him - everything I saw reminded me of him. I felt pathetic and miserable 24/7. Although I finally came to terms with the fact that he didn't see me in the way he had anymore (and probably never would), I still hoped that he would rediscover how much I really meant to him.Two years went by. Things stayed the same, relatively. Stephen was still with his girlfriend, and I had had several boyfriends in between. None of them were sticking though - none of them I felt seriously about. I knew the reason why, of course. Every single one of them reminded me of Stephen. I had a problem. I could not get him out of my head, out of my heart. Things were always worse when we would hang out because I would hope and hope that he would feel the feelings I felt, each time my hopes grew feebler and feebler. Finally, I couldn't take the constant heartache anymore. I wrote him a letter, and I sent it to him. I exposed my true feelings for him, and I begged him to see how I felt and understand how seriously I felt about him. How I had never been able to get over him - I needed him to either come back to me, or I needed him to give me some hell of a form of closure. He gave me neither - he is a vague boy. This is something I've had to learn about him over the past 3 years that I've known him. Somehow, though, the letter I sent him gave me more closure than anything he said to me. It felt nice to actually tell him how I felt instead of holding it in. We established honesty and trust between one another again, and I was confident and able to tell him anything I felt like saying.My life was changed again a month after I sent the letter. I finally met the boy that enabled me to finally forget about my deep feelings for Stephen - more than any of the other boys I had dated. I loved this new feeling, and I eventually loved the boy. His name is Alex. He is, quite possibly, one of the most beautiful and sincere people I have ever known. We have been together for nearly 7 months, and I just have feelings for him that I've never had before. I am happy with him.(Just 3 days ago, Stephen left for college. 4 hours away from here. Alex lives 6 hours away, but now he only lives 3 hours away because he is going to college closer.)Disclaimer finished...And now, the real point begins. Five months into my relationship with Alex, Stephen ended his relationship with his girlfriend. The one he left me for. Quite literally the day after they broke up, he came back to me. He was not asking me to be with him, but he was asking me to spend time with him (and distract him from the sad emotions he was feeling). Naturally, I agreed. Looking back on this, I wonder if it was a mistake. As soon as I spent the day with Stephen - the one I remembered, instead of the stranger she had turned him into (she wouldn't allow us to hang out) - I melted. He was sad, helpless, dying for comfort, and I felt like I couldn't be there for him in the way that I wanted to be. He thanked me very sincerely for being there for him, nonetheless, and for the rest of the summer, we got closer and closer. As friends. What we were supposed to have been since January of 2007, but what I didn't feel like until June of 2009. Although I was happy with Alex, with every minute I spent with Stephen, I remembered a little bit more and more why I had fallen in love with him so long ago. He was just as I remembered, too. It was like time had frozen in 2007 and waited until 2009 to start up again.The day that Stephen left for college, I sent him another letter that explained all of the confusing emotions I had felt about him during the brief amount of time we had spent together. He revealed to me that, after all this time, he had recovered the feelings he used to have for me. But he didn't want to act on them - the main reasons being the distance, college starting, and (most importantly) the fact that I had a boyfriend. I agreed with him, but it took me by complete surprise.I love Alex more than any boyfriend I have ever had, but it has been the hardest thing in the world to remember that during this confusing weekend. I have pictured running back into Stephen's arms, after all this time, and how it would feel. I can imagine it would feel more right than anything that has ever happened. But I also feel like I just feel this way because it is so fresh. I have to keep reminding myself that Stephen hurt me more than anyone ever has. I wish that the answers would just present themselves to me, but I know that they will not. It is impossible.. If only, if only.I just can't believe that, after everything I've been through, now is the time for him to reveal his true feelings for me. After I met the man I have felt like is the right one for me, the one I've been pining for for 3 years has re-entered my life. I hope that I make the right decision, but I don't trust myself. I had to write about it in the hopes that venting would keep me from making a rash decision.I just need some advice - some thoughts. I'm kinda desperate for help, if you can't tell.
View related questions:
broke up, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice!
I have decided to stay with Alex - I think he is the one I'm supposed to be with. =]
A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 If i was in this situation, i would go for Alex. Stephen wasn't there for you when you needed it and liked that there was two girls out there who liked him. Now that his relationship has ended, he is going after you, to get comfort. He is most likely using you as a rebound. Stephen has left you once and got easily do it again. I know that you could give him a second chance and all, but Alex is a good guy here and you'd probably regret it later if you left him. You said you never felt like this, the feeling for Alex. It obvious that you love Alex more, but Stephen won't let you forget how you felt for him. If Stephen honestly loved you, he would let you be happy instead of letting you suffer for so long. Stephen could have had you, but choose not to. His loss, your gain. Yes, he said he had realised that he actually likes you, but not enough as he did all those things to you. Why did he not like you as much before Stephen had his girlfriend? You were the same peson then as you are now. You seemed like an easy target then and now that you are happy with a good boyfriend, he wants you. He probably sees you as a challenge and may even get bored of you when he has you. You have found out that you can love someone even more that you loved Stephen and i think you should stick with him.Hope this helps X
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Stay with Alex. You never know when Stephen will dump you again. There is a reason it did not work out the first time. History has a habit of repeating itself. You should not have been there for Stephen. I ask you teh following questions:1. Where was Stephen when you were hurting?2.If he truely loved you why would he not fight for you now?3.Are you willing to take a risk with Stephen?4.Are you in love with Stephen or is it an obsession as you claim to love Alex?5. Can you handle teh rejection from Stephen again and is he that worth it?
...............................
|
