A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i do not know what to do so i thought i would come here for some help.I am 18 years old and in a very confused state of mind. It is really a long story but i will shorten it and please any feedback to this is great because i need some advice.I knew a guy who is 33 for 9 months and we met over the internet and talked every second of every day and we made plans for him to come see me. he lives 11,000 miles away and he knew coming here we were friends but he always wanted to be more. we would text each other and have sex text and phone sex but i didn't want a relationship with him because he was going through a divorce and he has two kids. so i said maybe we could have something in the future because i liked him to. his family also didn't like me because i was so young so i told him we should wait if we do want a relationship. i constantly fought with his family over him.So he came to see me for two weeks and we ended up having sex within two days that he got here and we had sex everyday like three times a day. I treated him like a king and waited on him hand and foot. He said he loved me and he can't believe he fell in love with me and he was going to be sad when he left but we would keep in contact and he would come see me in October. I was so sad that he was leaving but knew nothing would change. That morning he left he texted me said he loved me and he had a wonderful time.I texted him the next day and he didnt respond. then i went on facebook and posted something on his wall and some girl starts going after me saying im disgusting trying to get with a 33 year old cuz i was 18. This girl who said this stuff to me was only 23 herself and she was trying to get with the guy. so i started fighting with her. The guy called me and asked me to stop fighting with this girl so i did but she kept going after me. so i called him and i asked him why he hasnt talked to me like we used to and he said because he has been busy. the next day the other girl wrote on his wall i miss you and love you baby. that broke my heart so i called him and we started arguing and he told me he had sex with the girl two weeks after me. i broke down crying and said i hated him. He told me to loose his info and his number and never talk to him again.So i said whatever and told him to have fun being single the rest of his life because he gets into girls hearts and breaks them. we didn't talk for three days. i happened to miss my period so i went to the doctors and got a pregnancy test. doctor said i am pregnant. i texted this guy cuz he wouldnt answer my calls and just told him i was pregnant over text. i told him that i didnt want his money and if he wasnt going to be around i dont want him in the childs life. then e comes up wit bullcrap that im lying and im just trying to keep him hostage so he will talk to me. so i told him to leave me alone and in maybe 9 months he would step up and be a father.He texted me apoligizing and saying sorry and that he loved me and he messed up and im the best thing that has ever happened to him. we are still texting and he doesnt believe im pregnant. i dont want to text him but i want him to be a father and i still love him and i want him to step up. i want a relationship with him but i dint deserve to get hurt again. im due in march and im going on 2 and a half months. im in college right now and that means i have to quit after one semester in january so i can take care of my baby. i don't know what to do should i tell him goodbye and be a single mom or try to make things work even though he treated me like garbage and broke my heart after everything i did for him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCERBERUS:
With the money situation i am good i have been working and saving for a very long time and i plan on trying to continue with the job when I have the baby. I know I can do it but it is just hard. I know should cry because of what he has done and the ain he has put me through but I refuse to cry over him much longer he is not worth it. He just called me like 3 hours ago and said he loves me and we need to make things work. But I know I can not trust him. Even if things did start to work out I don't want to have him walk out on our baby when he feels like cheating again or leaving. I am in such a big mess. I have no regrets I just eish things worked out differently and he stayed where he is at now.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Don't be hurt. By all means cry. Cry until you can't anymore. The wounds will heal and the sadness will fade. Especially since you'll rarely be seeing him.
The child will have your love. There's nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her child.
Personally, I've never had a good relationship with my father and I don't regret it. He was just like the man you described.
My mother raised me and my siblings on her own with little money. Never lose hope. Nowadays, people have many options. In times of financial need, turn to the government to help you and your child.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCERBERUS:
Thank you for that. I hope to find a man who loves me and doesn't build my heart up like that. I cry everyday for him but this past week I have been moving on saying forget him. It is so hard though because we are having a child together and I can't just take this man out the picture. I still love him and he has a hold on me but I do not want to get hurt again. The next time i am going to see him is in December. He said october but he changed his mind. That is no kind of relationship for us to have if i see him twice every year. My friends do not care enough to listen to me and my family has disowned me for being with him so I have nobody. I am doing the best I can but i don't know which way to turn. If this guy is only going to come around twice a year then i do not want him in my child's life because that is not a father. And i do not want his money because that is not all a child needs the child needs love in person not money. I don't know anymore.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (29 August 2010):
Think about it for a minute. Is this the kind of man you want as the father of your child? A man who leads you to believe that he loves you before breaking your heart over the phone?
He has a moral and (depending on the laws there) a legal obligation to support you and your child.
Do you have any friends that could help you through this? Go to them, your family, whoever you can to help you. You need someone during this time and I hope that one day you can find someone who can love you and your child without hurting you for some other girl.
I hope that helps.
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