A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Firstly,my dad has never abused or molested me growing up and he was actually very protective of me and my sister. Now even as an adult my father will do anything for me and he has expressed that I'm his favorite child. I never felt weird around my father until a couple of months ago. I model so in the beginning I would show my parents my pictures and they would want to see them for support. So the first incident happened a couple of months ago when my father had told that he saw my recent pictures and stated that he forgot that I was his daughter. I immediately felt uncomfortable and he asked if I felt uncomfortable which I thought was even more weird so I decided to change the subject. The second incident also happened a couple of months ago. I had moved out of my parents home last year and they took it pretty hard because I was the last child to move out but I was 27 and thought it was about time. So to make them feel better, I would come over on Friday nights to hang out with them. One Friday night my dad had been drinking, we all were but I wasn't drunk. My mom had went upstairs to grab something and as soon as she went upstairs my dad had asked to see some of my modeling pictures. So I agreed thinking he wanted to see my work but as soon as he saw my picture he looked at it and me like a piece of meat. I was disgusted and couldn't believe his behavior. The rest of the night he was staring at me in a sexual way but I kept trying not to notice. Finally, it was late so both of my parents suggested that I spend the night and I agreed. Once I got into bed my dad kept knocking on the door. I kept trying to pretend I was sleep but he was persistent. Once I opened the door he kept asking to see my pictures. I kept telling him no until my mom heard me. My mom immediately began yelling at my dad and telling him to come back to bed and his behavior stopped. The next day my dad had called me to apologize and blamed his behavior on his drinking. I forgave him and blew the situation under the rug until recently. So last week my dad had called me while I was at work and had asked for me to come over this Friday because him and my mom miss me. I agreed and he then asked if I had did any photo shoots lately and I automatically became sick to my stomach but I again tried to brush it off. I came over that night we had a good time until my dad starting drinking. He started to get a little touchy first saying that there was something in my hair then he proceeds to grab my neck. I pushed his hand away. Then he suggested that I spend the night but I declined. He apologizes again for making feel uncomfortable last time but he then touches my waist. WTF! Lastly when I was saying my goodbyes and I gave him a hug he grabs my butt and I immediately slap him. My mom was there the whole time but she acted like nothing happened. So I went home confused and hurt. My mom had called me later that night I guessed out of guilt and told me that she had some things to give to me the next day. We had a family get together that Sunday and I decided to bring my boyfriend because I still felt uncomfortable and I guessed my dad felt some kind of guilt because he could barely look me in the eye and he didn't say much to me. I really don't know what to do at this point because I love both my parents and we're a close knit family but I'm very confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2019): There is definitely a symptom of dementia and/or Alzheimers which is where the person who suffers with this condition loses the boundaries that are normally in place and start to act in an inappropriate manner, usually sexual.
Wise Owl has obviously never heard of this and he should not dismiss this possibility out of hand. Especially as your father has never exhibited this kind of behaviour before. Ask care workers and nurses and other families who have a member who suffers with this condition. There are articles written about this and books on Alzheimers and dementia mention this symptom.
Fathers of two of my friends have done this when they have been a sufferer of this condition. It may not be the case here, but I think it is something that definitely warrants consideration.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 May 2019):
 Look at this list of signs of Alzheimers. Especially part 22/27.
https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/alzheimers-25-signs-never-to-ignore/22/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2019): I’m not sure whether your Dad has a condition like dementia but I think the extreme drinking has to be taken into account.
My elder sister is a lesbian and once tried to kiss me because I’d come home late from a party, all dressed up and she was blind drunk and didn’t recognise me. She is also very mentally ill.
Of course I felt upset but realised it was the drinking and mental illness affecting her.
With your Dad he seems sexually frustrated and your Mum is definitely turning a blind eye to it. Talk to your Mum.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 May 2019):
... yuck! Your dad cleary has forgotten that you are his daughter. So weird for this to start out of the blue? And also weird that he plays «favourite». Either he is a pervert, and in which case I highly doubt this has come overnight. I would check the house for peepholes and hidden cameras. Had he had any other weird behaviors? Could be onset Alzheimers, and that he truly has forgotten that you are his daughter. I would not go over there again while he is there. You need to protect yourself, he is already groping you and knocking on your bedroom door at night. Take no further risks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2019): Could it be your dad is developing picks dementia? Look into it
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 May 2019):
 What has my attention on this one is the fact that this is new behavior, that he wasn't like that growing up with your or your siblings, and you never mentioned whether or not he was a porn addict growing up (i.e. Playboy stash or pictures on the walls or things like that), so this is very new behavior.
Also, and this was MUCH more telling -- your mom's reaction to the entire ordeal. She yelled at your father to "go back to bed" the first time, and that was it. The second time, she ignored it. This means that SHE KNOWS that there's something wrong with your father.
The person you need to talk to at length about this first is YOUR MOTHER. She knows something about him that she hasn't told you, and you need her to know that it's not acceptable for her to keep turning a blind eye in denial at the changes she's seeing in him, and that if this issue is that he took up the bottle heavily after you left, or like another poster said, he may have some mild dementia that is exacerbated by the drinking, either way, it has to be faced and treated.
George Bush Sr., who was an old president of ours, developed mild dementia and started telling lewd jokes and grabbing the butts of young women when he was a man of staunch family values beforehand. He died soon after. Also, there is a story in the Bible about a father who got blackout drunk and impregnated his own daughters, so it DOES and CAN happen.
Talk to your mom first and tell her that she can no longer live in denial, that he needs intensive professional care. In the meantime, keep your boyfriend with you or only visit him in public until he gets that care, like in a restaurant or ball game or someplace with lots of people.
He can't be drinking like this! Who knows what trouble he could get himself into, and if he's dealing with depression and dementia and god knows what else, it's NO EXCUSE for behavior, and it's HIS RESPONSIBILITY to get beyond simply not meeting your eyeline, but to get himself the help he needs to go back to being the loving, honorable dad he has been his whole life with you.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 May 2019):
I don't want this to come off as defending your dad, but I think he may not realize how upsetting his behavior is to you. Make it very clear. Don't allow any chance of a misunderstanding.
It'll be an awkward conversation, but it's better than being uncomfortable around him forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2019): What your dad has done is literally a prosecutabe crime in all fifty states! I feel offended as a man, a dad. a brother and a law enfocement officer! Your dad has two demons, which are repressed lust, and alcohol, which brings the evil genie out of the bottle. If you have sisters ask them if dad has acted out with them. Whether alone or collectively, speak with your local district atty, states atty, or commonwealths atty! Ask that prosecuter to intervene on your behalf, in person, or by letter, to advise your mom and dad,of the criminal penalties for sexual assault, and to advise dad that the next visit, if needed, will be from the police! Good Luck and may GOD Bless You!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2019): It was grossly and most assuredly the most inappropriate behavior for a parent...ever!!!
I know this was tough to write about; and at most, humiliating. Even though you wrote it anonymously.
I recommend you never be left alone with your father when he is drinking; because he allows alcohol to lower his inhibitions. He is making passes at you. We have to address it for what it is. Nothing is worse than when your own mother will not face it, and deal with it. Being intoxicated is no excuse for such misconduct. It's a crime, and immoral. He didn't commit any actual act; but he made inappropriate passes. What did he expect to occur? What particular pleasure would he get from viewing pictures of his own daughter? Face-up to it without being in-denial.
There will come the time the behavior has to be addressed with both of them. You can pull your father aside (while 100% sober), and tell him how badly it makes you feel when he behaves that way around you. You will no longer voluntarily offer him your photos upon request. They will be shared only with your mother present. Then pull your mother aside, and tell her what you told us. This is not the sort of thing you sweep aside, or hide under the rug. In either case, allow no room for denial. Nip this at the bud!
It comes as a great shock, and it is very painful for you. You have to be courageous. He and your mother are already fighting about it! Believe me they are! Not in-front of you, only to spare your feelings and not to make it too blatantly apparent what happened! They will pretend all is normal in your presence; but the issue is a family-matter that must be dealt with once and for all.
They both love you dearly; so there should be no fear of losing their love. The point is to shake that lustful demon out of your father; and put him back into his usual and loving fatherly-mind. Let him know you will not stand for it, and that will keep him on his best behavior. Regardless of whether you're alone, or someone else is in the room.
As for Alzheimer's or dementia? Unlikely! There is no criminal or moral defense for such abhorrent behavior. He doesn't show any other signs of the disease. His described actions were deliberate, although subtle. Under any circumstances, they were clearly amorous advances made towards you. On more than one occasion! That framed them in a more definitive and less subjective sense.
Worse comes to worse, suggest he get therapy; and you will spend less time with him until he does. There are boundaries we never cross, and trust is essential to keep families loving and united.
It's a very delicate matter, I know; but it is also one that should be handled and corrected. Don't wait until it has gotten so out-of-hand; you will start avoiding your own parents.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (28 May 2019):
 You tell him once more (in written proof!) that it’s has to stop or you will report him to the police. This isn’t just creepy; it’s harassment. Also, do NOT drink with him or be alone together any time soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2019): I can only imagine how difficult this all is for you. But you MUST react NOW!
Whether or not you talk to him, you should also talk to your mom. She needs to know. This behavior is dangerous.
Drinking is NOT causing this. He is fully aware of what he is doing and how wrong it is and I'm not talking about the guilt - he waited for your mom to leave the room. People who are drunk/drugged out of their minds (this is not an excuse though) do not care whether someone else is there or not. Guilt is just a part of denial which abusers use to protect themselves from acknowledging the harm they have caused.
There are many things we do not know about our parents.
You and yous sister were lucky that he didn't express this kind of "interest" for you when you were young and helpless. Now, you are an adult and can defend yourself.
This kind of behavior does not come out of nowhere. Do not keep this for yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2019): I agree with the other posters. Talk to him, or have your mom do it as soon as humanly possible. His behavior must stop for you to continue to have a good relationship with him, which I assume is what you want. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t worry what he or your mom will think if you speak up. It’s his behavior that needs to change, not yours. You need to be able to trust and feel comfortable around your own father. Don’t let him use being drunk as an excuse. Drunk or not, he knows you’re his daughter, and he knows his behavior is inappropriate.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2019):
 I agree with N91, it needs to stop. ASAP.
And I would talk to him first (however, like N91 mentioned if that is too hard for you, start with mom).
He needs to look at his own behavior and realize that it's totally UNACCEPTABLE and INAPPROPRIATE and that you will NOT be around him if this doesn't stop.
While he might think... that he is "supportive" of your modeling career his behavior is NOT.
And for now I'd stop the Friday hangouts with drinking with him. It's just not helping. Spend your Friday with your BF or BRING him along.
Being drunk is NO excuse to behave the way he did. YOU modelling is NO excuse to behave the way he did.
You need to put him on notice.
You dad ought to be ashamed of himself.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 May 2019):
 You need to nip this in the bud. This is creepy as hell, you can’t just keep ignoring it like nothing is happening. Call the guy out, his behaviour is crossing the line and is downright disgusting.
If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to your dad directly about it then speak to your mother and ask her to do it for you. His behaviour needs to stop immediately, it’s highly inappropriate.
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female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (28 May 2019):
This sounds quite bizarre. What is more shocking is that your mum saw it and chose to ignore it. If that was my daughter, I'd slit his throat and watch him bleed out before he got to touch her again. I have a 16 year old girl so I don't take any chances.
Honey, as hard as this is. You need to sit both of your parents down and have it out with them. Discuss your Dads behaviour and make him see it is perverted, inappropriate and down right disguting and if he keeps it up then you will report him to the police. Then speak to your mother and tell her how disloyal she was to ignore what had happened to you by your Dad. She is there to protect you and you've lost trust in her to be able to do this.
Speak with your boyfriedna and tell him everything that has been going on. When going to visit your parents at home, bring him always. If that isn't possible then meet them in a public place and never have them over in your home.
I wish you luck in this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2019): Gross.You poor thing.Tell your mom no more Friday night's visits with dad until...He goes to the doctor and gets an evaluation.Sounds like dementia or Alzheimer disease to me.The only reason I say this is that this is a new thing.People act out like this when they have it.Insist on him going to the doctor if he does not never visit again for your safety.
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