A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, i would like an honest answer to my situation please.Since getting married my life has been a total roller coaster, i am married now for over 2 years. after a few months of marriage my husband left me, we got back after 3 months but had broken up once more. i moved country to be with him, after staying there 6 months, as i totally unhappy we discussed coming back to my country uk(we had lived here previously for 6 years) he was aware when i met him i would never live anywhere but the uk.I am now back in UK, looking for a job, doing up an old house belonged to my parents so we can live rent free, have no money, my husband says he as none to give me as he has a credit card to pay off even though he is working full time, he also says to me that the house better be ready or he will not be coming over at the end of Sept. he refused point blank to live for a little while with my parents, if the house is not ready. I am totally stressed and find it hard to cope and afraid the house will not be ready.I honestly think at this stage of my life (i am 34) i need to seriously think whether or not i want to be with my husband, as i honestly feel no matter what i do when he comes back nothing will be good enough. I feel i have no one to lean on in the relationship..i have to be the strong on the whole time. 2 years into a marriage and it has been nothing but alot of stress and hard work, so good times along the way but there are always problems.i dont want to end up alone, but i feel i would be better off than living this life.Please help.thanks
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female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (1 August 2008):
 I would never tell someone that I thought they should give up their marriage because I believe it is a serious decision that only they can make.
So, I will say this instead.
Think about all the things that mean "the perfect marriage" to you. Write a list if you have to.
Now think about your marriage and see how many of the things on your list you can tick off and say "Yes, we have that."
Finally, think about the things that you haven't ticked and mark those that you think you could realistically work together and get.
If you still have lots of items with no mark against them, and from your description I suspect you will, you can then make a decision that probably involves telling him not to bother coming over in September and moving on with the rest of your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): You are struggling financially. Let's see. You can stick it out, pay off the cards, and things will turn out alright, especially when you don't have to pay those high interest rates. Look at it like it is the best financial investment you will ever make. Or you can call the divorce attorney, pay them an arm and a leg, which your husband will probably get saddled with, have a nasty custody battle, if you got kids, and end up bitter.
You say "2 years into a marriage and it has been nothing but alot of stress and hard work, so good times along the way but there are always problems." Guess what. All marriages require hard work and can be stressful. All marriages face problems, except for those in fairy tales. You can divorce him, but it's not going to be any better the next time around. Work through the problems and enjoy those good times when they do come around.
If your hubby decides to walk out on this marriage, that's his problem, and he will have to pay whatever. Don't stress out too much about having the house ready. Guys say that stuff sometimes. Just be honest with him about your progress on where you are with preparing it, and what might be hindering you or slowing you down. Most guys are business like, and they tend to treat the home the way they treat a business. That's wrong, but if you just treat it like a work project, he will go along. Better yet, get your dad to do it.
Good luck & stick it out. Don't let anyone else tell you to quit. Marriage is hard work, but very rewarding.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (1 August 2008):
 The Wiz is right, I don't think you'll ever be happy with this man.
My advice to you is break away from him, he's clearly got no respect for you, and you deserve so much more, especially if you've been putting all your effort into trying to set up the marital home for you both.
And he repays you ~ by telling you it had better be finished before he gets back?! Bloody cheek!
If in your heart you don't love him and can't see him changing his selfish, chauvinistic attitude toward you, then tell him not to bother coming home.
You wont be on your own for long, once you get out there and start your new job, you'll be making new friends before you know it.
I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, topsy turvy  +, writes (1 August 2008):
Yeah, it is time for you to move on. He doesnt sound like he is really commited to you and a life with you as much as he should be. I pray that there are no children, and if there arent you can go without looking back.
Even with children you have a full life ahead that shouldnt be stressful and tied down to a tired man.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, geordiegirl22 +, writes (1 August 2008):
 Hun, I think deep down you already know the answer!!!!
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