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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My problem is really complicated, but Ill try my best to simplify it. Ok, it involves me and a boy who is 17/18. Basically, he used to be a total ass with me. Used to be nasty, give me evils (childish for a lad of his age, I know, but there you go!), call me things, belittle me and I hated him for it. I hated his over-inflated ego, too. It hurt though because he treat me like that when I was the only one out of the people around us that made him laugh and be happy – he told me this once on the odd occasion where he was nice. Anyway, he used to flirt with my mate. Text her, play fight with her, mess with her hair, hug her, try to undo her bra and stuff. In all, he was trying to bed her (which is horrible considering her age!!!). Her mum found out about this and made her cut all ties with him and end all contact, so she did. Three or four months later, he started being nice with me, but only over text. When we were around each other and Id talk to him, he’d act as if he didn’t know wtf I was on about and rejected all my attempts of conversation/flirting, but later flirted so badly in texts. Things have moved forward now and I’ve grown to like him. We talk so much, but again not face-to-face. He tells me all the time he thinks I’m good-looking and got a real nice body and I just don’t believe – I CAN’T bring to myself to believe him! He wants to know why I don’t believe him and up until now, I’ve only told him half of the reason – because I personally think I’m ugly. No lads have really fancied me before – why should he? The real reason is because of what’s gone on in the past and what’s happening now – he made his flirting public with my friend but seems “embarrassed” with me. I so badly want to tell him this and list to him all the times he flirted in public with her and all the times he’s fobbed me off and I want to see what he says, but I’m scared that if I do I’m scared that I’ll lose him (not in a partner way because were not actually bf and gf but in a kind of friend sense, but mainly I don’t want to lose his attention.)I’m scared he’ll think I’m whiney and cling on to the past too much. I’m worried that my insecurities, in a way, will scare him and ruin things. Basically, my question is: do I tell him the truth and risk losing him or keep it to myself??Thanks xx
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female
reader, cassie_17  +, writes (1 August 2008):
hi there
you really need 2 tell him just how bad he as made u feel he is very insecure himself and acts that way with u because he knows he will get away with it.
you do feel like nobody likes you have no confidence your self so you put up with it.
you must stand up 2 him and then and only then you will know and feel you are worth more and feel like you are worth it.
you mention you dont want to lose him, but why would you want to do that to your self, you are worth more than that you relly are.
you need to resect your self and learn to like yourself and when you do that you will realise you are a nice person and one day u will find the right one who makes you special
love cassie
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (1 August 2008):
 I would like to add to what emily says. Basically, this boy (man???) does not want to have it known that you and he are conversing. He has this little private affair which he does not want made public. My experience has been (and lots of it) that he is not interested in you in the way you would like him to be. He will play this game as long as you let him and to him, it is a game. Yes, he probably would like to have sex with you and if this continues, that is where it will end up. But I guarantee it will be a private affair and he will hide it and not let on that he was ever with you.
He is not proud of you. But it isn't because you are ugly, because I do not believe you are. He wouldn't be having this private fantasy with you if you were so get over that right now. An important life lesson you need to learn today is that YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. So, if you think you are ugly, you will act like that and people will perceive you like that. So start believing in yourself and start believing you an do better than this manboy.
I think you should send one last text. "I have grown tired of this, please stop texting me." Then block him. If you see him and he speaks to you you simply say, "I deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with me." and walk away. I guarantee that if you take the upper hand in this you will feel like a million bucks and let's not worry how he will feel (but he will start to question his manhood.)
This "relationship" will NEVER go beyond private with him. He is not being true to you. So, there is nothing to lose, nothing. If you continue with this you will prevent yourself from finding someone wonderful and who knows who he is sharing these texts with.
Take care,
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2008):
Oh sweetie, the reason he's texting you now is because you have LOW SELF ESTEEM written across your face.
I am sure you are not ugly, but he knows you think you are will not mind being treated like crap if he says nice things by text afterwards.
Any man who ignores you in public and will only text is clearly after sex.
The fact that at 18, he's trying to undo young girls bras says to me he's a pervert who'll push his luck with you because older girls would slap him and walk away. He's pathetic.
Cut contact. Your friend's mum was right about him. Take her advice and walk away and delete his texts when they come.
Good Luck!! xx
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