A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have a problem, I am a male teacher in the UK I am 25. I teach 16 -17 year olds. Having seen all the young ladies on this site who are in love with their teachers it terrifies me!I have a student in my class who has a bit of a crush. Not sure why, must be my charm and good looks(Kidding!)Anyway my problem is this, I over heard a conversation between her and her friends a few weeks ago and the student thinks that I have feelings for her also which I DO NOT!. Apparently she thinks that by watching her in class I am "so into her". Not true at all, I watch all of my students (normally to make sure they are awake). Anyway I decided to leave it alone as it's just a little crush... so I thought. Now this girl won't leave me alone!. I don't like to turn students away as sometimes they need someone to talk too. Having said this this girl is in my office every five seconds. Also I have no idea how but this young lass has gotten hold of my email addy and sends me emails (6) per day. Telling me her feelings about an "older man" It's out of control. I have tried to speak with her about it in a nice manner and it just seems to go over her head.I have spoken to my boss about this and she agrees it's a problem she has also tried to talk to her.My GF is not too pleased about the situation although she just laughs it off (really what would I want with a 16 year old?).Its getting to the point that I don't want to go to work each day. I am actually looking to transfer to a boys school as I feel really really uncomfortable around the school. (whispers have started in the ranks of the older girls about my "feelings" toward this girl..again all untrue.Sorry to bable on but just a tad confused, I struggle to understand my beautiful GF half the time, so I am stuffed when it comes to a teenage girl!!PS, To all the girls out there "in love" with their teachers and wanting to tell us...PLEASE DON'T. It's never going to happen and you just put us in a situation that is unhealthy and career limiting!.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): ah, i think it was right for you to say that you don't feel anything for the girl which i totally agree because it is aginst the law and you might get jailed or fired.However, if you did not have a girl friend would your opinions remian the same. i think you should not only look at the problem with your own perspective , maybe you can try to talk to her more, like you say she always email you or go to your office , you can email her back and tell her the truth that you don't like her and you have a GF !!! you don;t have to joke about it with other people as it might hurt the innocent , deeply in love girl ecause you mean everything to her but she does not mean anything to you. She might think that you love her which you dun so try to talk to other girls the same way you do with her, this will stop her from sinking deeper into the mistake. The girl is not wrong either , she might just be facing some problems at her home like lack of concern or love from her parents that she needs to seek comfort and protection from someone outside and you had seemed to fulfill the requirement . if you got waht i mean.
A
female
reader, iwillalwaysluvyou +, writes (21 February 2009):
 okaiii so i know that this is a really late answer and u have souted this all out with this girl. and this was tottaly understandable why your uncomfatable about it and that girl was out of order, but to say what you said at the end of your update is not always true , that is your veiw alone. to be honest why does age really matter, i have looked a pervious people saying that they love their teacher and their teacher loves them back, so let them be if that teacher really loved this girl he would quit his job for herr. im in the same situation myself, i know i love my teacher and recently he has feeling for me and we are working on this at the mo and hes willing to quit his job. there problem solved i really do not know what all the fuss is about... u just have to be carefull about these situations deal with it before it gets out of hand before the people think somthing fishey is going on. you cant help love and u cant help age. but yes it is wrong to encourage your teacher and give them harrasment .... and it is wrong to seduce them for fun, for us it happend from us talking alot no sexual tension or anything it just came all natural..... so thats what i think about it
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female
reader, xxsecretsxx  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 It sounds like this girl needs a reality check. But i can understand how "some" girls feel when they see that their teacher watches them often. At first it can be realyl uncomfortable and and make you wonder why their eyes are constantly meeting yours or it seems they don't look away. I'm not saying you do this trust me, but a teacher has admitted his feelings to me at one point and i know how it feels to be in a flipped situation about that. I hope this clears up for you. -trich.
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reader, Angels Eyes +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Hi,thanks for posting this cause i am one of those girls in love with their teacher!
It was good to read it from a teachers side of things!My situation did get abit messy but it wasn't my fault.But i think the girl you were speaking about had went quite beyond the obssesive/infatuation point!And i'm glad it all worked out for you.
xxxANGELS EYESxxx
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A
female
reader, HeartyGal  +, writes (9 July 2008):
Halo, glad to see that your problem has been solved. I actually got to this page because of DiovanLestat who had a link here from another page. Your problem seemed quite serious. And yes I learnt from it because it gave me some insight into a male teacher's mind. I will mention this fact though. I am one of those girls "in love" as people has mentioned, with my lecturer. Yes, I do know for a fact these feelings are true. I am currently looking at it from an adult's point of view. Reading this makes me think again if i'm just deluding myself about my lecturer being attracted to me. It also serves to remind me if my actions towards him are inappropiate. For me, i choose to wait and see. I would never try to do anything that might jeopardize his career. My point of view would be, if he weren't my lecturer, i might stand a chance. Of course, i can oly hope.
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reader, Jovial  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Shooo!
good for you its all over kinda messy though, I believe you are relieved now. This was more than a crush i think the girl is way too much obsessed with you, I never expected it to go that far, however am glad you came out alright.
Its sad how a young girl can put her future at risk like this and the life of the so called 'man she loves'. lets hope she will be open to the couselling thing and get better with time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): **UPDATE****ITS ME BUT I FORGOT MY LOGIN THING!! **UPDATE**Hi everyone,Thank you for your replies its been very useful.. Update:Ok, so I spoke to the head teacher, that didnt really do much good to be honest. I saved all the emails and things she had been sending, some of which were sexual in nature all realting to the "older man".My GF (now my fiance) started to get a bit miffed at the late night "emergency" phone calls. (I have no idea how the young lady got hold of my number) always needing to talk about something to do with school or with friends.and always when I was at home. It felt as if she was invading my home space and my time with my other half.Anway a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday night we went out with some friends to a party not far from where I live and guess who was there?? Not invited but just lotering out the front, My other half had had a few too many so she just had a meltdown (fair enough too).. walked outside and told her what for. Unfortunatly it didnt do much to help. It resulted in my GF getting a slap and a brick put through her car window and a few verbal death threats.Monday comes around and the young lady was in my office stating that as a friend she was worried for me as my GF seemed off her rocker and not safe to be around!! The cheek of it!I didn't say a word as I was too angry, walked out, straight into the head teachers office and made her call the police. I know some of you will think that is too much but I am not going to risk my fiance's well being, health or have anymore of this nonsence because a pathetic little school girl has a crush!! (sorry I am just really angry now)The police have been fantastic and very understanding, her parents are somewhat mortified and have agreed to transfer her and pay for the damage so that we don't press charges.We are more than happy with that.I did speak with her parents and I explained that I think she is a bright girl with a good future but maybe some type of councelling would be in order. they agree.As for the young lady in question I have only had one more email from her, declaring her love for me, and telling me that her life is over (very OTT). I hope that this nightmare is now over.Thank you all for your help on this matter, it was great to see I was not alone and again for all those young ladies out there who have crushes/ or are "in love" just leave it alone.Cheers
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reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Hi! please keep us informed of your situation! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): I'm not really sure there is a huge amount you can do other than ignore this girl, and make it very clear (in writing, if needs be) to your boss that the feelings are most definitely not reciprocated. You don't want this girl to cost you your job.There were a lot of girls at my school who were convinced that various teachers were in love with them. One girl even started telling people that she and a teacher whom I happened to become very good friends with (and remain to this day) were sleeping together. I knew this wasn't true, but most of my other friends believed her. These rumours are incredibly easy to begin, and something scandalous like that spreads fast.He eventually had it sorted by calling the girl's parents into a meeting with he and the Headmistress. They explained what the girl had been telling people to the parents, and lo and behold, it stopped immediately.I hope this all turns out ok for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): No, your not hard loveobsession, not harsh at all. I looked up your "limerence disorder" and yes of course people fall in love obsessively all the time.
But it's not thoughts, feelings or desires I object to but actions which put Teachers in jeapody of jail, unemployment, stalking and harrasment. It's not fair. If your love becomes a problem to somebody else, especially someone who has no feelings for you, and cannot choose not to associate with you, then you need to talk to someone like a doctor or a counsellor before you ruin somebody elses life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): As you have seen, we deal with many stupid little girls on this site who have "fallen in LURVE....." and expect their teacher to love them back.
Unfortunately I have no time with this behaviour. The girl loves you because your handsome, wise and kind. It's no wonder she loves you. But as others have said it's not fair for her to put your reputation, relationships and job at risk. If it's love, then she would do anything in her power to hide it so it causes no harm to you.
I have very little patience with this, I don't understand trying to hurt a man you profess to love. To me, calling in parents, headmasters etc... Is very formal and only to be used as a last resort.
Personally, I would arrange a meeting with the girl and a female teacher. (For protection) I would then be very harsh and very rude with her, explaining how unhappy and frightened her behaviour is making me feel. I would tell her that my girlfriend is upset, other teachers talk about me and I want to quit my job to work with only males.
I would break her silly heart, so she realises that she can't act on every desire, and harrasment is a nasty thing to do to anybody. I would tell her that I like women, fully grown and sensible, not stupid little girls with "hairless pussies." But I'm not a nice person, and some of the other solutions offered by the Aunts and Uncles may suit your purposes better and cause less pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I'd leave parent-teacher conference to the absoulute last ditch attempt because they would probably upset her one hell of a lot and a whole new rush of bad negative comments comes your way through bitching.
As I was saying...
It's not a behaviour, and it's hard to get around older people's heads, but it is like falling in love like when your older, except it feels more obsessive, more powerful and it's not really love, but infatuation.
It's fortunate she's not depressed about it, yet obviously for you she's almost diluded. Trust me it's not you that's making her think that - it's an automatic brain thing that teenagers have that makes them imagine and think they have what they want.
I'd seriously stop being so nice to her, pull her aside one lunch and tell her out straight it's got to stop now or her parents will be involved - I'm shocked she wasn't so angry about your boss talking to her.
Good Luck anywayy,,,
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Admittedly, adolescents are always persistent. Once they are obsessed to something, it is very difficult for them to give it up until they replace the addiction with another one.
I understand that you are in a predicament. You want to be friendly to your students, but you end up facing suspicion and rumours. I don't think you have sent any wrong signal. That naive girl must have got the mistaken impression from her friends. You should have spoken with her in a serious manner, telling her that what she has done had a very bad influence on your reputation. It could also discourage other girls from gossiping.
Some teachers are worried that their female students may make false accusation against them in revenge for being rejected. Personally I don't think it will happen in any of the cases on Dear Cupid. I have seen many rebellious teenage girls. I can assure that none of them have enough courage to falsely accuse their teachers of sexual harassment. Moreover, there are many young ladies who have a strong feeling for their teachers on Dear Cupid. Most of them are aware that their love is unrequited. It seems to me that none of them expects anything from their teachers. So I don't think you have to worry too much.
I think you could have avoided the embarrassment if you stopped her earlier. You have done the right thing by informing your supervisor about that. I think that girl will be punished for spreading the rumours. Hopefully people will forget about it after the summer vacation.
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reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (28 May 2008):
Hi there! I myself, am a student in love with a teacher.Your situation sounds really awkward, it's interesting to hear a teacher's point of view of a predicament like this. I agree that this girl is acting very inappropriately, she sounds the dangerous type - One who would carelessly, put her teacher's job at risk, if she didn't get what she wanted from you. When a teenage girl is turned down by her teacher, she can turn on him. Perhaps by making accusations against him? therefore putting his job in jeapardy!Such situations are usually taken seriously. Mine for instance; I wrote a letter to mine (saying how much he meant to me, but also assuring him that I expected NOTHING from him) Within 2 days of him recieving it, My parents were informed and the 3 of us had to attend a meeting with the headteacher to discuss what i'd done and basically lectured me for what I thought were 'innocent' actions. I was devastated that he'd reported me and was avoiding me for some time after, but i do realise that this letter was innaproppriate. The guilt will always be with me, for putting him through such an awkward situation. But that's just me, some girls are immature and all they care about is getting what they want. In this case; Hooking up with a teacher - which is unacceptable. Tell the headmistress that you demand something to be done about it! You cannot let this girl ruin your reputation. It's only a matter of time before she could turn on you! To prevent this, I think you should just act normal with her (I know it's hard) and don't treat her differently to other pupils in a way that is obvious. You need to tell the headteacher that you're very concerned about the issue and demand it to be sorted out. They can then inform her parents and perhaps (if necessary) arrange for them to come in for a chat. My parents gave me so much grief after what i'd done, so maybe this would force her to change her behaviour towards you? And put a stop to those emails she's always sending you (Have you considered blocking her email addy?) It would be ideal if you did! I hope it all works out for you.Please do feel free to personal message me! x
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reader, Jovial +, writes (28 May 2008):
Hello
Sorry its too long.
What a predicament! You know what this doesn’t surprise me at all because it’s easy for school girls her age to have crush on their teachers. You are still very young and had just started your career so I totally understand where you come from. Remember one thing this is a teenager we are talking about only that her crush is misplaced because she was supposed to feel like this towards boys her age! Is that true? Ideally yes….. at this age girls wants to experience with older men because they think they are old enough to be treated like women, so I gez now you understand why a 16 year old would want you.
I understand your reason to want to leave the school however I don’t support it. How do you know you are not going to encounter the same problem? Deal with a problem head on, running away from it worsens it, remember this is your career, you can not allow a girl who lacks self control to determine your future. Who said boys don’t have crush on their male teachers? Well they do in case you didn’t know.
Let me tell you a little story there was a teacher who used to make me feel so uncomfortable he will just stare at me in class, gave me a lot of attention, ask me questions even when I didn’t raise my hand and my friends will tease me that he was indeed into me, I wanted nothing to do with him that if I meet him outside the class I wouldn’t greet him because I wanted to discourage whatever he was feeling for me.
What is puzzling about my story is that: I didn’t know for sure if he did like me I just read his actions and what my friends were saying and I draw the bottom line because I didn’t like him at all he was my teacher and a ‘parent’ I was 15 and he was in his twenties like you but that’s how teachers were perceived at the time, teachers were like second parents.
What if I threw myself at him and he says I don’t feel anything for you I was just watching if u were awake like I do with other students? Would I have believed that? Maybe not! When this girl raises her eyebrows she caught you watching her and maybe at times your eyes even met. And believe me for a girl who has a crush on you that says a lot. Understand that this is a teenager with raging hormones. She wants to see what her crazy head is telling her nothing more nothing less.
What if u do stare at her? innocently of course, don’t you think looking at your behaviour in class might help your case? Have someone in class sitting in and allow him/her to evaluate your body language, maybe the way you watch is playful and the girls finds it attractive you might find that she is not the only one who thinks you are after her, it might be those who are not after you they just don’t care or like u but are definitely aware of your stares.
Did you ask exactly why she would think you have feelings for her, were you firm in your confrontations? Make sure that the way you are handling the situation is not seen as encouraging on her side you know the ‘play hard to get’ concept? Because failure to handle this maturely will taint your name in the education industry and will also have bad repercussions for her.
What is the school head doing about this situation after she tried handling the matter? If the school counselor/ psychologist have not been involved in this matter I think it’s about time, if all this had been done maybe its time to involve the parents. This girl needs to understand that she had her fun now it’s over, let her know she is not the first and will not be the last to have a crush on her teacher, however such behaviour is not encouraged and is embarrassing to both of you and is interfering with your work.
Jovial
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female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 You have done the right thing by trying to let her down gently. If she hasn't got the hint, then now may be the time to be a little more blunt about it - cruel to be kind, as they say.
Teenage girls often find it hard to drop an idea once they get a hold of it - I was the same way at 16 (all of two years ago... ha), and as a teacher, you probably realize this anyway.
Don't give her /any/ reason to believe you might be interested. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are not interested, that this can not go any further, and that you are uncomfortable with the whole situation. Tell her in person, and re-iterate via e-mail. She seems like the type who will need it drilled into her.
Block her e-mail address, and try to spend as little time around her outside class as possible.
If she continues, perhaps a meeting with parents or the principal is in order - but hopefully it won't come to such measures.
Good luck to you.
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hi,
wow, its good to see someone else having the same problem I did years ago. Well, its not good but I can certainly empathise.
I used to teach History at Hornsey Girls School in London in the 1990's ,1300 girls years 7-13.
In my first year a Year 7 student started to take a shine to me, then her friends said she wanted to lose her virginity to me, then she started following me home.
And that was only the half of it. For the next 4 years I taught I would have had at least 6 girls ( from memory ) who let me know that they were open for offers. It is most unsettling.
Here's what I did.
1. Told her class teacher, and the head of year. They talked to her and thankfully she desisted.
2. Made sure that I was never alone in an empty classroom ( they will find you out , the word gets around in seconds that Mr Daniels is in his room and before you know it :"HI sir!").
the key here is to make sure you are never alone in a classrom or anywhere for that matter. If a girl came in I used to simply say "Out"!! . You are a teacher you can say this stuff, and my girls knew that unless there were at least two of them they shouldnt approach me.
the good thing for you is schools are aware of this problem these days. And you yourself only have to look around in the staff room to see that as a man you are most likely outnumbered 5 or 10 to 1. So they will not want to lose you.
I suggest you arrange a meeting with the headmaster/mistress. Tell her/him that you are concerned about your reputation , it is upsetting your home life, and you are thinking about quitting if the school does not address this situation immediately.
You are in a more precarious situation than I , the fact that she is emailing you is a huge concern and she may turn on you if you keep rejecting her ( as 16-17 girls are wont to do). This is why you have to take the bull by the horns and get this problem addressed now.
good luck
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