A
female
age
30-35,
*mina58484
writes:i had never slept with anyone neither had sex but still i lose my virginity due to severe injury doing gymnastic but my boy frend is not ready to accept this can any one plz tell me whot to do because i dont want to lose him i really love him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): First things first. Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. I mean doesn't he know anything about the female parts?You hymen can be broken through many different ways, but losing your virginity means actually penetration. And like most others have already said. You are a true virgin. And if he doesn't accept that dump his ass and find someone else.
A
female
reader, amina58484 +, writes (9 December 2010):
amina58484 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yup ,,,,, em doing the same ,,,, trying to keep him calm ,,, he is so over possesive,,,, but em also doing my best to resolve this matter ..... thnx 2 all who supported me on this site
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Then you have to be strong and not let him use that as ammunition in an argument. Seriously if you're arguing about something and he says that. Walk away form the argument. Seriously do not let him keep using that, if you're discussing something and he brings that up then the discussion is over. Walk away from the discussion. That's all there is to it.
Next time he mentions it, stop talking to him and go do something else, do this every time. Do not get into another argument about it, because he said he's trusts you then the discussion is over.
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A
female
reader, amina58484 +, writes (7 December 2010):
amina58484 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni m confused ,,, he told me that he trust me ,,,, but when eva we had some argue he starts tounting me abouty this that i lied to him ,,,, i m just going through hell
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): If I were you-as excruciatingly embarrasing as it may be,I'd get your doctor/old gymnastic coach/teammate to have a word with him and prove it-or mabey show him the answers on this page.if he still dosen't want you he is a weirdo with a fetish who sees you as a sex object,I'm sorry,just stating what I think
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): I am a virgin man who wants a virgin wife. But I don't understand the hymen obsession that some men have. Virginity is when you have chosen never to have sex before. Broken hymens are like being raped, they should not count as a loss of virginity if there was no consensual sex.
If your BF does not think you are telling him the truth then you need to educate him about the female body and how it can happen. If he believes that you never had sex but he just doesn't want you anyway, he's a moron.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 If I were in his shoes, I'd believe you. He obviously places a ton of importance in virginity..is he one? If not the double stardard is alive and well. Take it from an old guy, if he doesn't believe you now he's not worth the effort. PS, Virginity is highly over-rated. bursting the hymen is no big deal. guys all think it's a big thing but it doesn't add a ton of sensation or anything it's just a mental feeling of conquest or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Explain to him that many girls hymen breaks without actually having sex and losing their virginity. It is actually a very common thing with girls who play sports, even riding a bike could cause it to happen. (that's when it happened to me) You have to get him to understand that your Hymen breaking from such a thing does not mean you are no longer a virgin. If he STILL does not believe you seek out a doctor to explain it to him.
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A
female
reader, alice0110  +, writes (4 December 2010):
a hymen can get broken many ways before someone has lost their virginity. it can happen by riding a horse and like you said, injuries. Maybe try and make him aware of this and also, find out if he really trusts you. relationships are built up around trust so if hes not willing to believe you in this situation, maybe he wont in others too?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I believe you.
You are a virgin in all respects. He should be respecting the validity of your words.
Many women who use tampons destroy their hymen themselves.
And you are correct. A car accident or a sporting accident can certainly do the same.
Some females have very little of a hymen, while others have a more substantial one.
And some women fly to London to get a new hymen reconstructed by a plastic surgeon in London so they don't have to explain anything to their future husband.
Can you see a senior specialist female Doctor and take your mother too?
And track back to find all the documentation relating to your injury. Take all that paperwork to the specialist doctor above.
This matter needs to be sorted and the men in his family and your family need to be completely assured of the validity of your statements and the documents to support what is the truth before any marriage can take place.
And do not allow you to touch you physically before marriage, as you know
that is taboo in your culture.
Doctor first. Iman with your family next.
This is a serious issue in your country. But i do find your man's attitude very sad.
He should not be doubting you for a
moment.
But his attitude is indicative of a society where there is great emphasis placed on the virginity of the woman. Even though the men may not be virgins.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Loosing the hymen does NOT mean you have lost your virginity. You only loose your virginity if you have had sex with a man. So do not have sex with anyone if they claim you can because you are no longer virgin. You are still a virgin, and if your boyfriend tells you you are not then you should leave him. I question his intentions with you. If he will not marry you because he claims you are not a virgin I believe he might just be with you because he wants to have sex outside of marriage with you.
If your boyfriend will not accept you as you are, and accept that you in fact are a virgin, then you need to leave him and find another boyfriend.
Just how you go about this in your culture I am not sure, so please, do tell us how it works in your country if you have a boyfriend/want a boyfriend. Do you need to wait for family to appoint one, or wait for them to approach you, can you at all leave him?
Whatever he tells you, you are still a virgin. You only loose your virginity if you have had sex with a man and a penis inside of you. That is the only way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Go see if you can go get a doctors certificate to state that this is the reason. You can get a copy of your medical records if you required treatment for that injury then you can get a signed declaration from your doctor stating that.
It might also be worth going talking to your imam about it. Virginity and the loss of a hymen through other means is something that he will have had experience in dealing with from a religious perspective. He will be able to guide you and perhaps there might even be some kind of oath or custom available to you to swear by.
Your boyfriend should trust you though, it's not a good sign that he doesn't but go and seek religious counsel. Go seek a medical opinion too. Doctors will also have experience dealing with this kind of thing.
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