A
male
age
30-35,
a-g55
writes:Truth is that its just not a natural phenomena for two humans to have what we call a relationship. So that means its down to management and people skills.Most people don’t possess these skills. They let their emotions drive their decisions and actions straight from the first time they meet a girl. This usually mean people jump straight into relationships within a couple of months of meeting them. You suddenly adopt unwritten rules similar to those that are in marriage. Eg. You must love and cherish for better or for worse. Trouble is because you’ve jumped strait into a relationship you may not be on the same wavelength and one person might feel they have to do certain things and that can end up in one side of the relationship crossing into their personal space. Your used to learning more about people whilst trying to maintain a relationship. Suddenly there are conflicts like the competition. The fact that u like her so much you don’t want to loose her which creates a fear of loosing her which is portrayed in body language and what you say. This can be on either part. Its negative. A relationship can be simplified into a model. There can be more complex relationship models than this but there is no better way to describe a relationship in the metaphor of a house!A house has 3 main components. Foundations, walls and a roof. If we imagine sex being the roof and walls being security then that leaves foundations. What might foundations symbolise? Foundations is the time you have spent getting to know and understand a person and their core values. This can take as little or as much time as you like. It could mean that you still have sex and make physical contact like kissing and holding hands. But you still give each other space and you respect each others freedom. If she does want to go out clubbing with her friends. Yes she might have a one night stand but who cares your both free. Your basically friends with benefits. Now a lot of people do still ask “will you go out with me” and they do have sit down chats where you express that you like each other and you should take it to the next level but that is where it all goes wrong. Your basically building your house upon the sand. The walls shouldn’t be erected! They should be built with blocks upon strong foundations. Until you form a solid structure that is built to last. Here is a thought for you. Lets add the metaphor of central heating in there and we will call it emotions. What you feel for each other and how relaxed you feel about each other and your well being in the relationship and many more. When you have a strong foundations and no walls you feel relaxed and free to act how u like about each other. And everything is positive and the heat can escape but it doesn’t. it naturally stays within your site perimeter. Without the use of walls. If you suddenly throw up a cheap wall to gain a sense of security without any trust being earned then the heat is just going to escape thru them. This is a detailed general analysis of what happens when people are driven by emotion to make the decision u should go serious. Its only when you demolish those ill constructed walls so all the negative condensation can escape. What you will find is the positive heat from the central heating will stay in the perimeter still. that’s why u always find that they admit their true feeling once your separated. And its nothing to do with you personally. Its just because you don’t manage relationships smartly. The bad walls just collapse because the foundations are weak and the wind comes thru and frees all the condensation and cobwebs until your just left with the “ I still love you” at the end which can be a renewal invitation.Comments?
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cheap, clubbing, friend with benefits, kissing, one night stand Reply to this Article
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Interesting article, a-g55, thank you for posting it.
To draw on your analogy further, if a house is well-constructed, well-heated and well-insulated, with a roof that doesn't leak, things are going along well. (And the utility bills stay low too.)
And then if a hurricaine sweeps through and rips the roof off, tears open the walls and throws everything you have along a 10 mile sweep, you can still rebuild it, IF you have the good foundation to begin with.
So the hurricaine could be infidelity or sickness or death in the family, whatever might happen to a strong house...
Thanks for the article!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): And cheating is like knocking down a wall maybe? Makes it harder for the house to stand, and nobody trusts a wobbly house. I'd hope.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): That's a great article well done, and I agree with the metaphor of a relationship being like a house, and those aspects you need to build a good one. And that also explains some marriages, where the boiler stops working and the central heating no longer works - but there can still be the trust and security with the foundations and the roof!
And this is why a lot of teenage relationships don't last long - when there's only a roof!
Thanks for the article it was interesting to read :)
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