A
female
age
30-35,
*hite_Lilly
writes:Hi,I have a friend who is just super-nice to me and that is what is bothering me. He is just so nice. He's a friend, and we've been friends for about 2 years now and we met through mutual friends. A few months ago, he relocated near my area, and we see each other often. He would take me out to nice places and always takes me to smart restaurants and he never lets me pay. At first I thought it's because he expects sex from me as a return, but he's never made any hints and have never tried to initiate anything. Many of my girl friends say he's being so nice to me because he wants to have sex or a relationship or he's a really really nice guy, and he's a very rare type!!!The meals out aren't the only thing. He's so considerate, and make sure I'm comfortable when we go to the theater, and he walks me to my door, respects my friends, is always there and makes time to talk to me on the phone. He buys me small gifts most times.Unlike other guys, he never ever belittles me, and always is really nice to me. We've been in this very good friendship for 8 months now. Can I have your views? do such nice guys exist?? or is there something to be aware of?? Sorry, he's just so good to me that I'm suspicious. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, White_Lilly +, writes (15 February 2013):
White_Lilly is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone, It's been over a year since I posted and the guy is as nice as ever, and does the same things as I mentioned in the original post. He's such a caring guy.
I asked him if he wants to date me, but he said that he's asexual and likes me for who I am and has no sexual intentions. This all makes sense, and I can see him being a friend forever! x
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Interesting post. This guy sounds awfully like how i used to be. I maintained a similar way in treating women until i realized i was to rare to ever not mean any bad intention. I say that respectfully. Reformed and ill say albeit educated with the psychology and rules in attracting women this guy sounds genuine as can be. No man on earth would chase a woman for 8 months just to get laid. Also i think if he just wanted that you wouldve sensed it right away. Your friends need to be left out of this situation. They dont know him and do not see him as often as u and do not directly experience the friendship hes given u. This guy a true chance at a close relationship. Use those instincts.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 They do exist, but when something is too good to be true it usually is. So he is a nice guy, as far as you know. But when he is nice in some areas he is bound to have other areas where he isn't mr. perfect. He is, after all, only human and not some super being. The problem when you meet such a "too good to be true" guy is that you build up so many expectations of him being great in all other aspects that when you realize he isn't... it's a big drop.
You probably don't see his other sides as you aren't that close to him yet, or you are looking at him through pink coloured glasses, since you are a friend and care for him. If you look at him more objectively I am sure you can see a slightly different picture.
Just because he doesn't belittle you and is nice to you doesn't mean he wont, for example, throw a fit should you happen to mention something he hates talking about, even if it's a stupid thing. Or maybe he whines if you were to travel with him, or maybe he gambles all his money away etc etc. There could be tons of not so nice things about him. Just remember that he is human, and that you aren't seeing the full picture as a friend. As a friend you only see him partially for who he is.
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A
female
reader, White_Lilly +, writes (8 January 2012):
White_Lilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear what you say.
Thing is, it bothers me that I find the whole thing to be 'too good to be true'. Friendship is two-way i agree, and he always insists on taking care of me, though when I buy him gifts back he accepts them and tell me how grateful he is.
I find it suspicious because other guys i've me and been with, even boyfriend have never been as nice as this guy has been. He has been brought up well and his manners are just excellent.
I would really, really love to keep him as a friend, and there isn't anything screaming out that tells me he wants something more as he has had 2 years to say. I am reluctant to talk to him because I don't want to frighten him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Don't be so negative, yes there are a lot of bad guys out there, but there are also good ones, and it sounds like you have found a proper gentleman. So don't doubt the man, he was obviously raised very well and he is a decent man so be thankful for that and don't set out looking for faults. If you like him well then bite the bullet and tell him how you feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): He may well have an ulterior motive in wanting to know you better. But I don't understand why you consider that a bad thing. Why do you have such a strong sense that his spending time with you with a hope that it might lead to a relationship would be such a dreadful thing?
You write as the passive partner in all of this. But equally, you have been spending a lot of quality time with him for eight months. He may well have decided that you have an ulterior motive. If you do not have such a motive then he may well feel as though you have been leading him on.
Either way, it seems a heart-to-heart discussion about where you both see your friendship in five years time is in order.
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (8 January 2012):
i don't mean to make you sad, but in my opinion if it lasts for over 8 months now and nothing has happened yet, it could easily go on for a year more and nothing would have happened either.
he's just a really charming, chivalrous, lovely and good mannered guy.
have you ever gave him the slightest hint you'd be up for something more than a friendship? i would do that to be absolutely sure what his intentions are.
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