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female
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anonymous
writes:Has anyone else had such a deep connection with someone and felt so much in love on a soulmate level that even though you feel so much is wrong with the relationship and you feel they treat you so badly - not talking any abuse but so many things wrong but you cannot leave the other person. You feel they love you as much too and have the same connection - you feel it physically when they hold you you know they love you as much too - it was so beautiful in the beginning - it was as if you are alive for the first time - a love like nothing you could have imagined but as time went on all the beauty faded and they start behaving badly but you are left with this connection that you cannot walk away from even though so much of the relationship is not working. You keep saying to yourself I dont want this anymore but when you have the chance to walk away you absolutely cannot do it because you feel you will not be able to live without them in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): I have felt like that, yeah. That's all I can say.. I just, have...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): It is pure fear. I had a very destructive relationship with a man for 10 years and it was terrible in terms of emotional abuse but I worshipped the ground he walked on - and did love him very very much. So what gave me the strength to leave? People can shoot me down in flames for saying this but.... it was meeting someone else. I realise now that the relationship was over but I was clinging to this rotten piece of driftwood for my life. When I met someone quite by chance (was not looking proactively) I realised so quickly what was wrong and when the 10 year relationship ended I was absolutely relieved. You can do it - but what method or reason you take I'm afraid will be totally unique to you and your situation. All I can say is you might just be surprised at the delight of the sense of freedom.
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female
reader, tsarina  +, writes (19 February 2008):
This is so similar to where I am at the moment, but I made the choice to take it NO MORE. It is not easy. You will experience major uncertainty, insecurity, fear of the unknown and cry till you feel there are no more tears. But you will have to go through it. Picture yourself in the future without him. Re-affirm that image frequently and you may find it easier to come to terms with the loss. Life is short - someone IS out there who deserves you - I believe that now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): To the person that asked what was the question, obviously you have not been through this particular trama and so had no understanding of what I was writing about. I was not asking for answers, I was inviting people who have been through the same emotional crisis to share their experiences with me and that is just what many others so kindly did. Their replies which they took their valuable time to write helped so much in clarifying many of the aspects of the problem I am suffering. As one wrote, ending the relationship was the hardest thing he had to do in his life and I fully understand that. I think all of us who been through this share a deep empathy and thankyou so very much for your replies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Yes I'm in the same situation at the moment. Can't live with him or without him. I love him but he damages the relationship and I feel like he is throwing it all down the drain. It is killing me inside. I'd love to walk away but can't right now because it literally is as if he is part of me and I can't imagine my life without him but I know that if it carries on like this one day I will have to bite the bullet and leave. I'm just giving it all I have got for now, taking it a day at a time and trying to just communicate with him as much as possible. The thing is, we probably CAN live without them but it would hard whilst we are getting over them and we don't want to be apart from them. I'm 38 and this is a 3 yr relationship and the first time I have felt like this. I know what you mean but I don't have answers at this time but I have loads of empathy and wanted to send you this message as some support. Good luck and take care xx
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Wow. Well done. You've described the situation I was in so well. I am still getting over it thirteen months later. And puzzled why my heart can't understand clear practical logic.
There ought to be a Government Health Warning.
Richard
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I'm in that exact situation right now! Everyday i wonder where i will get the strength to leave him for good. I even find myself wishing he would break up with me so i wont be the cause of the break up. I just love him so much more than anything. And i know we could of having a great lfe together. What it all boils down to though is that i know he isnt the one. I know it in my heart and soul. If i was a different person to him or if he was a different person to me it might of worked...But you cant fix what isnt broken.If he isnt the one thats just the way it works...its so unfair. Maybe one day you will get the strength of maybe someone else will come along...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): if you and this person believe it can work out despite the problems and also if there is any kids involved then you will both have to be mature and tough it out,bet there is loads of couples reading this and saying"remember us" and that was 20yrs ago, so its really down to what you both want to do about it, good luck to you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): What was the question?
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reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Yeah I've been there. In the end though you have to decide can you really carry on with it? I had to walk away from a relationship where I was madly in love. However, it took a while of things building up I got so sick of it I had to leave for my own sake.
My head and heart were torn and that's what made it so hard. My heart said I love her and want to stick by her and be there with her in my life.
My head said this isn't right. It's not working and, despite my feelings, I had to get out.
It took a while for me head and my heart to align. I've moved on with my life, and while I suppose I do miss the good times and that closeness, I certainly don't miss the bad parts at all.
I have to say it's one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life and you have to be very strong to do it and NOT go back.
Fact is you had a life before this person was in it and you'll have a life afterwards too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): deep connection,yes couldnt forget about them,yes however loving someone is knowing when to let go i have been in love for around three years and whilst i cant stop thinking about her i try to do whats best for her not me i just want her to be happy even if the guy she is with isnt me.she is the first person i think of when i get up in the morning and the last before i go to sleep.loving someone is good but when you decide to do absolutely anything to be with the one you love that is wrong(just look at the trojan war lol)
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reader, MissyMinnie +, writes (18 February 2008):
 I know exactly how that feels, I'm going through that at the minute. I really love him with all my heart but a part of me is so irritated with him and so angry at him for all his mistakes and the hurt he's caused me, but I can't lose him, I can't let him go. He's as much a part of me as my right arm. I know I'm in love with him, but at the same time I want to be far away from him. Im confused. but I know that all relationships have bad patches and if I feel this strongly about him, then he's worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): i was like this with my ex for months, we kept splitting up and getting back together, and we found it impossible to let go. we eventually did split up for good, and though it was awful at first, i'm much happier since, as is he.
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