A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months, he was talking to a girl about 3 weeks later and they started dating about a week after that. He lied to me when i asked about her and i asked several times, later on he said he just didnt want to think that he didnt love me and that i meant nothing to him. He said somehow it just happened and it was because he never thought we would be together again.Ok, so i see him in class about 2 months while he is dating this girl, he says nothing to me he just leaves and doesnt say anything the last day he just left also, i left him a message and said i hoped things could be fine between us. A couple weeks later he calls trying and saying he is sorry n that he wishes he could start over i asked if he was drunk he said no and we talked all nite and he said he was so confused cuz he thought we would really never be fine again and now we were (by talking on the phone) So a couple days later, we met, make out, and ever since than he has been cold to me. Anytime i just try to be nice and say "u can contact me if u ever need me" he just is mean. This was only about 3 weeks ago, and he told me i would always have a hold on him and it kills him. Could any guys translate this for me? I was his first real love.And now only 3 weeks later, he is saying he has no feelings towards me and that he is trying to make his new relationship work and that he has everything under control.Can this honestly be true, just 3 weeks ago he was professing his love for me and said i would always have a hold on him, and now he says he has no feelings at all? I know guys hide there real emotions and always want to appear they have everything under control hes done this ever since we broke up but now he is just mean to me when i contact him when hes the one who contacted me first saying he was confused and that he loved me.Now he spends every minute with this new girl and they do everything together is he just trying to distract himself he clearly isnt over me, why do guys put up a front and act like they have moved on and are doing so great and say they dont love you at all only a couple months down the line to come running back?A word from the guys would be great!! Thanks :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hendrix +, writes (14 May 2010):
i'm going to answer your question"why does your ex-boyfriend act this way" simply because they think their lovers of many girls, thats their attitude about having their cake and eating too, it's makes them feel loved, see you have too go back into their background, too answer some of these questios about your ex's behavior, some guys think yheir so fine that they can get who ever they want, others play the manipulating charm game exspecially if you still love them, its a guy thing but you have to be smarted enough to play the game with him, you can't let him know that your using his tactics against him "the player roll" i'll tell you this, it works every time "play the hard to roll dice" meaning let him sweat it out slowly, don't say or do anything period. he'll be back, you have to be very patient, if you want him back, yes, it will bother you, but be strong minded, don't give in to his whims, and just sit back and watch what happens, like i said what every your thinking to yourself, stop it, example: this won't work, i waited to long, i should have done this or that, just be paient, and don't chase him down, now! that really won't work at all, just relax,take it slow, he's not going any where beleive me. (o.k. ladies) chinese proverb; all good things comes to those who wait
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy question really is, why did even talk to me just not that long ago and now he is acting like he has it all together (which is clearly doesn't) i can already tell the relationship with his new girl isnt going to work. As he has already cheated on her with me now is so "committed" to making it work, the way i see it SHE will end up fucking him over and giving him a dose of his own medicine that he gave to me and then he'll come running back saying he was wrong blah blah blah.
And im just wondering from a guys perspective why do they hurt the ones they love the most and then THEY settle for 2nd best (only thinking there the greatest thing ever) until one day BAM she fucks him over and he goes back to his ex-girlfriend that he mistreated and really loved all along. I wont be his back up when things go wrong because i will have already gotten over him by the time he gets his karma. I think that the way he has treated me and completely cut me out of his life and acts like a total jerk will come back around to him.
I just wanna know why are guys SO DUMB that they mistreat the goods ones and are so BLIND when they start "rebounding" then they get too serious with the "reboundee" and REALLY invest there feelings in a girl that dont even really see a future with they just pretend so they wont think of there ex girlfriend.
Thats why im saying-from a guys point of you, why do you all just go get so serious with another girl only to have it backfire and they you realize the one you really love all along and thats ur ex and then u come begging and pleaing because you eventually realize in everything you did said to her you were WRONG? Why does it take ur life crashing and burning before you realize?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Guys (some I should say), like to have a back up option should it go wrong. I think that's what this guy is doing. He's trying to make it with this other girl, but on the off chance it goes wrong, you're still there. So the answer is not to be there. AT ALL. Delete his number, quit calling him and move on. Don't sit there playing second best to a guy who doesn't love you.
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A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Well, I am not a guy but I have experienced the same thing so maybe I can give you some insights.
First of all, we cannot fully say that your ex had no feelings for you at all. If he hasn't you will not hear from him nor see him forever. Somehow, you still mean something to him even just a tiny bit.
The only question is, how much does he care or love you? There we will see by the way he treats you that it's not that much. It's not not much to make him come back to you, not that much to treat you well. Not that much for him to give up the other girl.
The second question then is, would you settle for that kind of relationship? After he satisfies himself because he misses you, he will ditch you? Then you will just wait for him to be back sometime after? He is mean to you because that is the only way he can escape from you, a good excuse for him to stay away while he knows he still holds you by the neck.
By doing this, you will only let him know that he can do that over and over and it's ok with you. The more he sees that in you, the more he will take you for granted until he loses his respect and love for you totally. Then one day, he will just be gone forever leaving you all used up and broken and alone.
Anyway, you didn't ask any advise what to do with this guy so I guess it's not necessary to give one. But as you know by now what his intentions are, then you must know already what to do with this jerk.
Good luck.
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