A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Its not a love question, but about manners.i went out with my friend yesterday, and later her coworker joined us with 2 friends, all guys. They were approximately our age, early, mid forties. We were introduced, exchanged 'nice to meet you'frases.After that my girlfriend took off (thats what she always does, sometimes i m wondering why she goes out with me, because the minute we walk into the bar she takes off and dissapeares into the crowd). So, the scene was like this: i am almost finishing my wine, those 3 guys seat next to me. They are ordering 3 drinks for themselves and a large platter with cheese and fruits, One of them is turning his back to me, the other 2 start eating and drinking, without offering me a drink or even asking if i want to join them with the appetizer. I felt very uncomfortable just sitting there with my almost empty glass, and kind of looked at the plate that they were sharing. Finally one of them noticed that i am looking at the plate and said:O, do you want something?. Of course i said'no, as there were leftovers of food all over the plate. I just couldn't believe that they are acting like that being grown ups and not having a simple table manners.The rest of the evening they acted like i wasnt there. Noone talked to me, and when my friend came back, she said: they didn't offer u a drink? I said:'A drink, i d be happy if they at least had a little chit chat considering that we were introduced and i was sitting there my myself. So, finally she said something to one of them, and they got us drinks. I didn't even drink mine, as it was late, and i was done for the night.They were going somewhere else after that, and my friend went with them, i went home. They went to the car without even saying good night, or something.So, now tell me may be i expect too much from a complete strangers, or thatwas a wrong way to act like that? May be i am reacting too much as i just came back from Italy, and men there know how to act around women. In states its not an isolated occurence, that men act like that. Forget offering a drink, noone does it anymore, but at least acknowledge the fact that a woman that u were introduced to is sitting right next to you by herself, at least to keep a company or recognize her presence.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): From original poster: thank you guys all for responces.
And being on my side.lol.
As for the anon. male: I just love this talk about equality. Women were fighting for their rights in 60s, so would have equal social rights like voting and salaries. It wasnt a permission to guys like you to stop being gentlemen. Unfortunately men in US love talking about equality as an excuse not to spend any money on women that they date or a permission to be as..les.
Yes i am expecting a special treatment because i am a woman, and i wish all women did the same. I wish all women stoped making it so easy for guys. Men in US are very used to get women very easy without extra expences or any effort. Its a shame!!
We will be very equal if you guys will start having babies, going through pregnancies and labour, and breast feeding and raising a child. Then we can talk about 100% equality. And yes because of that i expect a special treatment from men. This 'little' detail should be honored by you guys when you start talking about equality.
I am just wondering how do u get to "sleeping" part with a woman, anonymos, without buying drinks, by talking about equality?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): Hi,
You are most right, it was very rude of all of them, not to mention your friend ditching you. (almost to me, that is even ruder than the men acting as if you were not there) I just would not go out with her anymore, period. I mean, you are suppose to go out with your friend to have fun, so that the both of you have a great time, that is what's girlfriends are for, NOT to come home feeling all hurt and dumb founding at peoples rude behavior.......There is no excuse for the way you were treating at all. Sorry.........
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 October 2010):
 I second that, this is not typical behavior in the States...A lot of men I hang around, chat with you like they're your brother talking about sports, drinks, politics, ordering hot wings to share, buying a round of drinks for the table, calling the waitress over for extra napkins, and needing another pitcher of beer.They even give you those bro hugs at the end of the evening... Just all around American fun. I will say depends if you were out with a real group of snooty, upper crust males...then I would probably sit in silence as well. It's rather rude of your girl friend to jet off, and not stay to entertain her company much less start a conversation where everyone can join in. So please don't generalize those men as all American men being like that..Not true at all!! Those were just 3 men that lacked common courtesy..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 True , what you said does not happen in Italy - no man here would just happily stuff his face in front of you without offering you at the very least to share his food , and the behaviour you have described would rise eyebrows even in a dock workers tavern at the port of Genoa.
Yet , you are not overreacting and this is not about cultural differences. What these people did, as far as I know, is not considered OK in the States. Where manners perhaps are more casual, more relaxed - still being a jerk is far from being acceptable.
You just have been unlucky; perhaps you should hang out with other friends, since also the one who asks you out then , as soon as you hit the bar, disappears , is not being very polite to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): You r funny slimshady. Thanks guys for your opinion very much.
Here is the end of the story. My friend called me today saying that they had a great time in another place that they went to. I told her how these guys acted when she was bouincing around from person to person like a tennis ball, while i was sitting there all by myself. And this is what she said: guys acted very different when the night progressed, after a few drinks. She had the greatest time with them. She had no comment when i said that i felt very uncomfortable around them when they offered me leftovers from their plate and didn't talk to me at all.
We also talked about her leaving me and talking all night to strangers. She said thats how she is, she cant stay in one place when she is drinking, she needs to be on a move. I offered her not to drag me alone next time and just go by herself.
She wasnt trying to introduce me to any of them, she knew they were not my type, hanging bellies, weird haircuts, not cute guys at all, top it with facial expressions and lack of manners, you get the picture. It doesnt have to be romantic or intimate, just simple politness, thats all. I am sure there are guys out there who was taught well by their mothers, its just i very rarely meet them anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Everyone should be polite to others and show respect but if you are expecting special treatment from men just because you are a woman then you are living in the wrong century. That died when you were given equality. In fact I never buy a woman a drink/meal unless she is sleeping with me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): No, these guys are not men, they are little stupid boys. That is terribly disrespectful and insulting...not just bad manners. Any man worth his salt and who wants to call himself a real man would be polite, offer you a drink, offer you to join them and talk to you...maybe even politely make passes at you, as I'm sure men in Italy would do (been there, seen it). Next time, pull a Samantha and ask "AHEM, would any of you little boys like to pretend to have a penis and offer a lady a drink?"...or when they show you the leftovers, "no thanks, doesn't look like you have anything there BIG enough to satisfy me". THey'll get the picture.
Guys like that make me want to punch them in the place where there balls ought to be.
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A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 It is not you expecting too much but rather the men that your friend works with are simply selfish and self centered .
They only think of themselves.
Your friend could also be trying to set you up with one of them but none of them is brave or courageous enough to start up a conversation hence end up acting like they were not taught any matters.
Have you wondered why your friend just disappeared into the crown leaving you behind with those strangers?
Rather than go out with your friend,be introduced to a couple of strangers who won't even notice your existence and friend melting into the crowd,it would be best to go somewhere and watch a movie.
A well mannered man should invite you for a drink or cheese even if you are strangers to each other as long as you have no company.
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