A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Right now, I am 13 years old and for the past year or so I have noticed one of the PE teachers giving me signs that he might have...particular feelings for me. He's married, but for the past month he hasn't been wearing his wedding ring. I tried to convince myself that he probably had damage done to it, lost it, or whatever. But now I can't help but think if he's gotten a divorce. This teacher is 41 years old right now(possibly a few years older)...I am 13. Of course, common sense tells me that it'd seem very, very, very, very, very, very unlikely that he'd ever have feelings for me. But a girl of 13 with raging hormones can only wonder...It all started the beginning of the last school year when all we'd do in PE was sit on the bleachers out in the gym. This teacher would often stare at me throughout the period, and I'd catch him looking at me plenty of times. After that, I became smitten with lust for him. It was like an addiction and he'd feed my addiction by keeping on glancing/looking at me throughout the rest of the year. When he'd walk to the office with the other PE teachers, he'd look behind their shoulders to look at me. From far distances, I can see him looking around for me. I understand that when you have a crush on someone, you try to look for things that are usually passed by as normal things. But I catch him looking at me all the time. I have done nothing to push him into looking at me. He just started staring at me.I also understand that teachers sometimes do get bored and look around. This teacher doesn't do this to any other student though. I have often been told that I look a few years older than I really am. I try and try to convince myself that his looks are nothing, but I fail to convince myself. Whenever I pass by him, his voice gets louder like he wants to make me hear what he is saying. There are so many other things he does also. I'll see him in places where I am and...ugh! It is just so hard to forget about him! The way he looks at me with his dark hazel eyes just makes me weak in the knees! Basically, all I'm asking is if he could possibly have feelings, if at all any, for me so I will be able to make the right decision. When you know someone doesn't like you, I think your crushes go away faster. If he does like me, then I will be sure to avoid looking back at him so he doesn't get in trouble. This is tearing me apart and I need to know. You have no idea how much I've tried to convince myself that he doesn't like me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I know this comment is really late, but I'll say something anyway. I agree with what most ppl on here are saying... if a 40+ man is attracted to a 13 year old, there's something wrong with him. No questions asked. I also went through a similar experience, if you care to hear it, here it is:
When I was 14, I had an english teacher who I fell head over heels in LUST with. He was handsome, smart, funny, sweet, you name it. He was 36 at the time. Me, being 14, and immature, I made it too damn obvious that I liked him. Popping up around his class, watching him in the halls, pretending to fiddle with things in my locker just to be next to him. I didn't know how to act around him, he was my first real crush. I used to give him muffins and donuts in the morning, just little things to see him smile. I complimented his haircut and his tie and would watch him through the classroom window. If that wasn't bad enough, I would block my number, call his class, and hang up when he'd answer. I was creepy, to say the least. I remember once I walked down the street he lived on, and stood in front of his house. I was a teacher's worst nightmare, and as the months passed, I became obsessed with him. To this day, I am surprised that he never reported me. He was always friendly with me, even with everything I did to him. I would often mistake his friendliness with other intentions. If he would make eye contact with me, I would be like "OMG he's interested" and things like that. I guess when you're young, you don't know better. Anyway, as I got older, it only got worse. I used to fantasize about making love to him, taking care of his kids, etc. I was out of my mind, plain and simple. I was in a bubble, and in my world, he and I were the only ones who existed. He managed to keep his distance from me throughout the remainder of my high school years. If we'd run into each other around campus, sometimes he would act like I wasn't even there. Other times, he would smile, wave, and make small talk with me, "Hi, how are you? How's it going?" but nothing more. There is no way in hell he didn't know about my obsession with him. And yet, he never once confronted me. It ended in 2010, I was a junior and he left the school to become an international teacher in another country.
I guess what I am trying to say is this, when you're young, you see things with rose colored glasses on. You are going through puberty, feeling all these different emotions, etc. You see what you want to see. Am I wrong for stalking an older, married teacher? Yes. I didn't see it at the time, but now that he has left, the feelings have slowly faded. In retrospect, it's hard to believe the things I did. And for what? To creep the hell out of a man who I thought I loved? What must he have felt? What damage will be caused to his family? What about his career that he worked so hard to get? These are things that we don't think about at first... the consequences. I wasn't in love with him... I was infatuated with him. And it's taken me this long to realize it.
I hope everything turned out well for you, and to all students who have crushes on their teachers, please, please be careful, and be smart.
Thanks for reading! :)
A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (20 May 2009):
Well, it;s not uncommon for teachers to be attracted to their students. I can tell you one thing for definate - his not wearing his wedding ring, has nothing to do with you. If a man stopped wearing his wedding ring for a woman or girl it would be from love. He does not love you, as he does not know you. Next, the staring, you are probably very pretty and he is maybe a weak man who stares at pretty girls. Next, the talking loudly when you are around, this is possibly because you are very observant of him and are misreading things. I am not saying this teacher isn't attracted to you, he may well be.
On another point, if you are 13 and this man is attracted to you, this makes him a paedophile. It doesnt matter how old you look, you ARE 13, and he is a teacher. If he is attracted to 13 year old girls, then it won;t just be you. He will have other favourites, whether they be slightly older than you, trhey could be, but never mislead yourself into believing you are special.
Next, if this teacher says anything innappropriate to you, or touches you in anyway, distance yourself IMMEDIATELY. Any 40 year old man who wants involvement with a 13 year old student is a liar, and a manipulator. Men do not 'fall in love' with 13 year old girls, never. They get obsessions, unhealthy fascinations, sexual fetishes and lust. Read 'Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov' It's about a man who is obsessed with a 12 year old girl. This will give you some insight into the kind of men that like girls that age.
Finally, you do not want this teacher to fancy you, because if he does, this means he does not care about you at all, this means he does not respect you as a person. He sees you as an object, not a person. If he fancies you now, he could never, never love you. Your crush may fade, or it may worsen, there is no way of knowing, but all i can say is to avoid developing deep feelings find another person to focus your affections onto or something else or just accept him as an idea, because that is all he is right now. If you do not stop, it will consume and you will be left with nothing but confusion, a broken heart, and will have wasted years of your life. This can only cause you misery.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Thank you guys for all your great advice and thanks for the link to the article, I found it interesting and helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Im sorry, but it has to be said, if he does like you it's not in the way you want him to like you.
I know how you feel, i went through this at 13 with one of my 40 year old teachers, i scribbled down everything that happened with him in diaries as 'evidence', I too noticed that he was always looking at me etc, I thought he was the man for me, I was besotted by him.
Looking back, 4/5 years later i can see the situation exactly as it was - he noticed that I was always looking at him and this made him uneasy, he was looking at me to check that I WASN'T looking at him. Because I didnt have any experience of boys, let alone men at this time, I took it as that he MUST like me back. remember at his age he will know exactly what the signs are of someone being attracted to him, and probably even moreso girls that he teaches that fancy him - there have probably been hundreds and he will be trying to work out how he can avoid you.
Now as I look back on my own teacher crush, all I feel is embarrassment. Luckily I think he has forgotten it now, and if I ever see him in the halls and he looks at me, it's just that - afterall he has to look somewhere when he is walking, and I certainly dont start assuming that he must be deeply in love with me. I had never even spoken to him when I liked him, now we pass the time of day occassionally and I can truthfully say he isn't what I expected anyway. You know nothing about this man. You don't even know if he is still married, or anything about the woman.
This is the best that you have to hope for. At worst he is a paedophile. It took my friend to burst out laughing in my face when I confessed my love to him to her and say incredulously 'He can't fancy you though! You're 13!!!' for me to realise. I later spoke to another girl who was in my year and she confessed that she too had liked him at around the same time as I did, and that he had constantly been looking at her as well in a 'different way'. Figments of our imagination - we laugh at it now.
You sound like an intelligent girl. just hold tight and you will move on, I promise you.
much love xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): I'm not sure what you're getting at when you said "if he likes you". First of all a 41 year old man should never be interested in someone who is 13. That is final and considered rape. I also think that you are a little smitten with him and probably are making his glances out to be more than what they are. More than likely his glances aren't even directed at you. I've seen this a thousand times with my friends, when you like someone you tend to embellish things and I have to be honest, that's exactly what it sounds like in your case. Although it happens and looks can make you feel quite uncomfortable or flattered, if this becomes more than you think he's looking at you, like actually saying inappropriate things or touching YOU NEED TO TELL SOMEONE.
Just let it go, he's married and has a life completely outside of teaching PE and so do you! Find someone your age to have a crush on, and that way no one has to be put in the position of doing jail time :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Ok..let's look at this situation. And you need some perspective here, girl! You have a raging 'crush/an infatuation' with a 41 year old married teacher. Remember, exactly what a 'crush' is--it's just 'me' thing and if you fight off these feelings for him...it's likely 'time will take care of this'. When females are in the middle of adolecence, the hormones go wild. Girls have crushes that last a week, a month, a year. But as she develops herself, as she gets older, and she matures, she rationalizes more and then ...she moves on. Everyone works it out in their own time. But here is the reality. He 'can't' ever date you and I think you know that, don't you. So fantasize away, dream about him but realize he has to adhere to a serious code of ethics that all teacher's do-they don't become involved romantically with their students. So you now know, that teachers having a relationship with a pupil is a breach of deep trust and will, never, ever be condoned. He could lose his career, his reputation, his family, his wife, he could go to jail. His whole life would be a complete mess. And you have to ask, what kind of 41 year old man would like a 13 year old, romantically? C'mon..that's just so perverse! Continue to be strong, persevere and ignore him, completely. Be polite but be distant. And start looking at 'boys your own age to date' not middle aged teachers. A while back, a reader on this site gave us all a link to a true story of a 16 year old who was involved with her Teacher. I want you to go and read it all. In fact, I encourage all you teen girls crushing after their teachers to go and have a read. It is one females experience, but it does warn about the emotional duress and ramifications of what could happen in one's future.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-512703/How-affair-married-teacher-twice-age-wrecked-life.htmlGood Luck, dear...you have a lot of thinking to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): 41yr old men are NEVER attracted to girls your age. He has kids your age. However, some like to take advantage of pure, innocent little girls like you. He might act like he likes you but he doesn't. He just wants to use and violate you. You're young and innocent and don't have enough life experience - you're an easy target, he will use you and play you like monopoly. And guess what, that might be his thing (hitting on little girls.) He'll tell you not to tell anyone, and he'll tell another girl the same thig, all of you will never find out. Meanwhile, all of you are getting molested in the school gym.
As for the crush you have on him, LET IT GO. The same way you see him checking you out, someone else can see it and privately investigate it and we will see your story on the evening news, and he'll definitely get fired and spend sometime in the pen. Crush on guys your own age, leave this old man. He doesn't want you, he only wants to put his experienced 41 yr old WILLY, in your young vagina.
I'm not crazy, I'm just mad at your story and just trying to be very blunt so you can understand me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): thank you guys for your advice! It seems unlikely that he'd be sexually interested in me, as he is a strict teacher that seems to have a lot of discipline, but I know that I don't even know him and anything could happen.
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A
male
reader, wiseacre +, writes (5 March 2009):
Well, he may like you. You read about things like this in the news all the time. But if he is attracted to you, that's not good. He is at least 41 and you are 13. Red flags all over this. It's one thing for an adult man to acknowledge the beauty/attractiveness of a young lady like yourself, but quite another for him to be actually sexually interested in you. If he's interested, he does not have "feelings" for you so much as he has "lust" for you.
The best advice I can give you is this:
1. find a cute 13 to 15 year old boy @ your school to take an interest in (and to get interested in you)
2. Avoid being alone with said PE instructor.
3. If he does make sexual advances, DO NOT ENGAGE. Instead, talk to your parents or the school guidance counselor.
4. Don't do anything with an adult male until you are an adult female.
Again, even if he is the type of man who finds 13 year old girls to be appropriate sexual partners (which is seriously a problem, btw) he doesn't "like" you in the way you imagine. He isn't interested in being your boyfriend. He's already experienced his teen years (quite a while ago, I might add) and you're just beginning yours.
Mentally, emotionally, and intellectually, you are worlds apart.
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A
female
reader, metoo1124 +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Okay first i know how it is to crush on someone so much they are all you think about. however this man is your teacher and he can lose his job if he was in any way crushin on you too he could go to jail there are soo many bad things that would happen to him if he was, because its illegal ya dig. so even if he was into you; you shouldnt let it go any further because it would probably ruin his life... because he does have so much to lose. if you were over 18 i would say go for it!
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