A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was doing grocery shopping the other day, when on the way out to the car park, I saw my friend Steve, said it was good to see him as I hadn't seen him for ages (he'd actually left the town I've lived in since 2012, way back in 2016, and returned in 2021 after living in Vancouver and Yukon), said it was good to see him.But what wasn't good was the conversation went from discussing usual guy stuff, and sport, to him hitting on me, claiming "My wife Kathy's obese now, drinking vodka a lot, marriage is getting stressful". He then showed me a photo of her, but that contradicted the obesity part - the photo was taken 14 December 2021 and it was of his wife exercising on a machine in a sports bra in their house. She didn't look obese at all, far from it.I told him she looked pretty, he thanked me for the compliment.But I'm a gay man, been out since 2008 when I was 24.Steve didn't know at the time, but he was at college in Los Angeles back then so I didn't see him at all in 2008; I didn't get to see him until August 2009 and back then it was very brief, he still lived in the States until 2015 apparently.Although I'm gay, it's not obvious to many people in terms of behavior.The conversation turned to him asking me about things like the color of my underwear, what brand of underwear I buy, asking me if I'd buy him any new underwear off Amazon, I told him no, it's not his business and he's got a wife anyway. He then went on to talk about how he was very 420-friendly.I didn't answer the questions, apart from telling him no, I'm not buying him underwear.I then told him, "Steve, I'm gay".He said "WHAAAT?" and thought it was a joke, but after fifteen minutes, said "OK, I understand".Steve just claimed he was into me, and he's not normally into guys (although he did say he found the idea of sleeping with Donald Trump or Justin Bruening quite hot). I'm sure he's bisexual but can't really admit it.Before anyone says block him on socials etc. I hadn't heard from Steve since 2016 and I'm not widely active on social media, well, aside from Facebook marketplace maybe and some eBay-ing. I don't even know Steve's social media, just his work email!!Steve wants to be involved in my life more.I'm a single gay man and getting involved with a married man is not the right thing t do but he won't accept that.This is a guy I've known since I was nine years old, the behavior's new. As a teenager, he was always seen as a great guy to be around.I lost touch with him in 2007 due to him moving for college, and didn't see him until now.Should I cut him out of my life or not? Do you think this is mental illness?What other explanation could be given for my friend's behavior?I feel embarrassed and need some help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2021): Only a man who is short of sex and thinks that your marriage does not matter, your husband's feelings do not matter, your feelings do not matter and it is fine to take huge risks and forget the future would advise you to go ahead with this guy.. or any guy when you are married and were not considering a separation or divorce. Sure, the guy gets free sex, it saves him a bundle on paying a pro, lovely for him, he is the winner. You become soiled, you feel used, you worry that it will be found out, it gets complicated and you have all the negatives. Not only that but this particular guy sounds like one of the worst of the bunch.
A
male
reader, Kofcalifornia  +, writes (21 December 2021):
Sounds like you like him as well and maybe you should give him a chance. He shouldnt stay in a marriage he is unhappy in and im sure his wife doesnt deserve to be neglected. If she is pretty like you said she is its better that she find someone that desires now before her looks begin to fade. Talk to his wife about it. Dont sneak behind her back if you decide to go thru with it. And keep us updated. I am interested to hear what you decide and how things turn out. Take care and have fun. Hope to hear back soon. Oh yeah and by the way its super obvious that you really like him. I just call it like i see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2021): Corrections:
"Just a little game [he] was playing; after asking you the color of your underwear, and to order him some underpants."
"Get real! The guy was just messing with you!"
P.S.
Maybe he is on the down-low; but you don't have to go for the bait. It's hard to say he was ever really in your life. Seems he only passed through a few times, judging by the timelines you've described. You got the red-flags, you're not that into social media, and he's married. No worries!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2021): For readers who don't know what 420-friendly means, it means you like to smoke pot and/or friendly towards people who do.
Okay, now about buying him underwear. That's strange and extremely left-field. To just walk-up to somebody I haven't seen in years, and ask them the color of their underwear; while requesting them to buy me underwear. That's totally weird.
About the picture of his wife, he was just fishing for compliments. He knows she's hot.
Yet, you claim you had to inform him that you're gay? Uhm, had it even occurred to you he already knew that, or maybe rumors were going around? You don't have to "act gay" to be gay; meaning be swishy, limp-wristed, or speaking with a lisp. According to some effeminate stereotypes. I've seen some "girlish" attributes or mannerisms in straight-guys; but I don't rush to judge them as gay.
If people notice you've never been married, they've seen no evidence of a girlfriend; they might arrive at the assumption you just might be gay. You were honest and confirmed it; he might have pretended not to believe you. Just a little game he's was playing, after asking you the color of your underwear, and to order him some underpants. Get real, the guy was messing with you! Maybe being sarcastic.
I don't think he was hitting on you. It was his not-so-particularly clever way of outing you. He already knew, put you on the spot; then got a confession without being direct. He probably always suspected, my friend!
Anyway, his weirdness was enough to be a turnoff. Maybe he'd been smoking that day. I wouldn't bother going out of my way to let him know I'm not into him; because you're really not that much in-touch. He didn't ask to sleep with you.
Let that conversation roll off your back. Go about your life, it was just a chance meeting. You'll probably never hear from him again, until 2031. Send him a big-ole pair of granny panties; and he'll get the message.
Happy Holidays, and a have a prosperous New Year!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (19 December 2021):
 He sounds like a strange guy to me, and someone you want to keep at arms lenth to be honest.
I would have said if yo had social media to block him on it, but your not an active social media user anyway.
I would agree that the best option here would be to cut him out of your life, not that he is actually in your life as you just bumped into him in a car park after grocery shopping.
I would say that if you bump into him again while your out, instead of engaging him in conversation just say you have an appointment or something then walk away. I know its difficult to get away from some people once they engage you but i feel this is what you will have to do.
Its hard to say if he has a mental illness or not, maybe he over does it on the pot smoking who knows.
You obviously know him better than we do as you have known him from your past, was he like this when you knew him years ago.
Asking you about underware, then asking you if you would buy him some off of amazon in very weird behaviour indeed,i think i would very well have walked away at that point.
Like i said he does not seem like someone you want in your life, or even to engage in conversation. It may very well be you won't see him again, but if you do just be strong and give him a wide berth.
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