A
female
age
30-35,
*issy123
writes:So I've been telling everyone on this (amazing) site about the situation I am in with an understanding, respectful, attractive, laid back 42 yr old gentleman who is in the middle of a divorce from his wife of 18 years. There has been an attraction between us since I started working at my place of employment, which has been a little over a year. I see him almost everyday and talk to him. Recently I broke things off with my fiancé of 3 years, and I'm okay with how he and I ended it, it was time, it just wasn't going to work anymore. Around the same time I had split with my ex, he confided in me that he and his wife were getting a divorce and explained to me why. I felt bad for him becuz he wears his heart of his sleeve and I could tell that he was hurt, but I kept things neutral and expressed my sympathies. Anyway Saturday 2 weeks ago he came into my place of work and we got to talking and he told me that he and his wife signed the mediation papers for the divorce. This past Wednesday he asked me to go to dinner with him this week, i accepted and we are going out tonight. We talked on the phone last night for about an hour and we did set the basic boundaries: not in these words but the point taken: this isnt a sexually motivated affair, things will be taken very slow, we are people/ friends that are getting to know more about and understand each other, its for fun. I need any advice you are willing to give me, about the situation it's self, About this evening and how to handle it, etc. I am 22 and I'm not set in a career yet, but I am going to school, he is already a successful businessman- I don't view him as a father figure...( for those of you who think it may be because I have 'daddy issues', I don't. I have a great relationship with both of my parents, who are still married) Any advice will help me. Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I'm with the others who are having trouble believing this man is being honest with you. If he signed mediation papers as he says, then have him show you a copy. It's very likely he's simply trying to lie his way into your pants.Also, I would absolutely not date him while he's still living with his wife. Don't have dinner or coffee with him, don't walk with him after work, I wouldn't even talk to him on the phone for hours. Not until he moves out. Trying to "date" someone while they're living with a soon to be ex, assuming he's telling the truth about that and you verify it, is asking for trouble. Do you honestly believe that he can live with her and be ready to see someone new?I'm sorry, but this man's intentions don't appear to be good. He probably picked up on your attraction to him, knows that you're single right now, and created a story he hopes will get you into bed with him. If it were otherwise he'd be approaching the situation differently.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): "it seems a little too coninsidentail but why through all the trouble of lying?"
The lying works and it's really no trouble to them to tell lies. It's less trouble than getting divorced, custody arrangement, child support, and moving out than to lie. Lying gets them what they want with no cost to them and all the benefits.
He wants to sleep with you for a few months and then have you go away. You would never give him that much if he were honest about everything.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Missy don't break the no-sex rule until the divorce papers are in your hand. And I'd be very careful about dating him until he is out of the house. Once he has his own place, then he is a separated man and no-sex dating can begin. Then you can go out and have fun.
Sorry, but it's just that married men do have a reputation (based on all statistical evidence and also the true life stories from 99% of women who have been there on DC) of never divorcing, or going back to their wife even after they start a relationship with you)
Just continue to be careful.
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A
female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (12 February 2012):
Missy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I did ask about the living situation and he is still living with his wife. It sounds more and more to pme that he isn't really getting divorced, it seems a little too coninsidentail but why through all the trouble of lying?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): I would be suspicious about talking about rules of an affair. Sounds like he's not really getting divorced. Many married men use this ploy to have affairs. I wouldn't go out with him until he's divorced.
Is he still living with his wife?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
 First of all have fun.
Second of all be yourself.
Soon enough you will know if this will be a grand friendship or more or less....
I'm 13 yrs older than my fiance.... age after a point is just a number...
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