A
male
age
41-50,
*Together
writes:Hi everyone, this says I'm Male, but it's really both myself and my wife asking this. So please address your replies/advice to both of us. We are doing this together as a solution to our little problem.Here it is. My wife's very close friend is getting married. She had a bachelorette party in a private room, complete with Male Strippers. My wife was very hesitant about going, but her friend and I both told her it would be fine. As a matter of fact, I was one of the drivers so that none of the women who drank would have to drive there or home.Anyway, when she stuck a dollar bill down the one strippers g-string, he grabbed her hand and put it down his underwear and she touched his penis. When she came outside and we dropped some others off at their homes, she told me about it and was very very upset. She thinks she has cheated or something, I tell her that it is no big deal, she was just having fun and she didn't grab him, he put her hand down there. I'm not the jealous type, and don't think of this as a big deal at all, the women were just having fun, not doing anything anywhere near cheating. My wife disagrees, and thinks it is a big deal that she touched another man's penis, and that I am really mad and upset inside. Please respond and let us know if I'm right and this is no big deal, or if she's right and should be upset and expect me to me upset also.Thanks.The 2 of Us.
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male
reader, Contrib  +, writes (21 August 2016):
Your marriage is doomed. Sex is one of the two biggest reasons for divorce. Your wife is a grown woman but sees touching a strippers penis as something awful. You liked that she did it because it makes it seem that she gets a thrill from sex and sexy acts - which she does not. Don't waste your life hoping your wife will develop an active interest in sex. She won't. Divorce her.
A
male
reader, King of Boxing  +, writes (21 June 2011):
First of all I don't mean any disrespect to u, but i find it kind of weird that ur wife didn't want to go but u encouraged her. Second of all this guy sexually assaulted your wife you do not that so her feelings of discomfort are very well placed I think it is your duty as her husband to support her also to ask her what action she would like to take, "taking this is to the police would be appropriate", they will know how to deal with the situation appropriately, but I don't think you should mock your wife or show her that you don't care thats the last thing she needs
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): It seems you two have a great relationship. Life is full of trial and tribulations. Very few things go according to plan for to long in life and the only thing you can count on is things will change and having the ability to accept change and the unknown is the secret to life.
You cant put life in a box and build walls around it.
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A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (18 August 2010):
Totally agree with pgissyd. To charge this male stripper with sexually assaulting my wife would be my first instinct (well, first real instinct would be to beat the crap out of him, but the law...), yet I baulked at this when I read the comments. Then I got to yours, lady, and realised I was right.
I would HATE my gf/wife going to one of these shows at all... u can trust as much as u like, but girls can get out of hand, even sucking them... but if she put her hand down his pants and that was all, I wouldn't like it, but that's the lesser evil of what she could do and I'd tell her as much, that I value her and feel hurt, but that I still love her and she was aroused, it's natural (I'm single, so it's not relevant yet!).... but to have her hand forced down his pants by him? That is sexual assault, jail and 15 years on the sex offenders register and a pariah for the rest of his life... she will be humiliated... actually I think the old-fashioned way of a beating is actually fairer all around.
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A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Sorry , Its a gross over reaction . If you are going to attend these kind of parties its exactly what you would expect ..Noone has been hurt . Its really is a case of build a bridge ..
If you were concerned with issues like this DONT attend these hens nights in the first place .
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A
male
reader, nepemex +, writes (30 January 2009):
not big deal just fun! and EVEN if she grab something... well its was his last chance...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): if she was forced, she didn't cheat. if she was and was just trying to cover it up, then i'd dump her. and male strippers aren't supposed to allow clients to "touch."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Of course it is no big deal, if that is all that happened then she should think nothing more of it.
If she wants to do pennance then allow her to do something really special for you, something she would not normally do and something you would love her to do for you but only on the condition that she accepts your full forgivness afterwards.
It might be your lucky day!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): I'd like to be a male dancer one day. But also even though I don't mind male dancers trying to give women a great time, I don't think the guy should have done this. He could at least find a woman who was intersted in him. Sounds like he was horny.
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A
male
reader, illicitian  +, writes (18 December 2007):
Although I would agree that it is harmless fun as your wife was forced to do it. I wonder if most of the comments would be the same if you were forced by a female stripper to put your hand down her knickers and feel her.
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A
male
reader, 2Together +, writes (4 December 2007):
2Together is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone. Thanks for your answers, it seems overwhelming to myself and my wife that you all (except pgissyd) agree that this was harmless fun. We do think that maybe he (the stripper) pushed the bounds a little, but as many of you said, this was a bachlorette party with male strippers, what did you expect? If my wife didn't like the almost naked male bodies, she wouldn't have been putting dollar bills in their underwear, but she did, and enjoyed it. I have reassurred her that I am in no way upset, nor jealous, and this was just harmless fun, even if the one stripper went a little far, she had her hand within inches (pardon the pun) of his penis anyway. So she is OK that she did nothing wrong at all. I likened this to going to a water park, and getting a little splashed. That is kind of what you expect going into it.Thanks again from the both of us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): i think it depends on your relationship. you said it was fine, so it is, you promoted her attendance and probably know these parties are wild. however i feel if partners do this stuff with out approval (general or specific) and behind their other halfs back, then its off. if your married thats a covenant, one which the two of you agree, if someone breaks that all bets are off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): i think she should just be happy for that its just fun touching a stripper cock and husband doesnt mind, i think its no big deal....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): It's really not a big deal. You have to look at the totality of circumstances--it was a bachelorette party, for goodness sakes! The context of the situation lends to the idea that such things happened only within their approved limits. The fact that you are okay with it should reassure your wife that it is okay. Why don't you strip for her, go into the bedroom and get naughty with each other and forget about this whole episode?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I doubt she feels violated, any woman who goes to strippers knows that they will make you touch them if you get a lapdance from them, lol. I think that she mayyybe enjoyed it a BIT too much and probably got aroused or something! Then she feels bad for having all these lusty thoughts about a hot guy. That's probably what it is. Not sure how you should help her feel ok maybe tell her that you have lustful thoughts over other people too so she shouldnt feel bad about it? I mean for christ sakes they are strippers they are supposed to arouse you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Maybe she feels like she cheated because she really enjoyed it. Maybe she was aroused by the experience and attracted to the stripper, so she feels guilty for those feelings. Male strippers have great bodies and do lots of sexual things, so it's easy for a woman to be aroused by them even if she doesn't want to be... it could be that she was having thoughts of sleeping with him or fantasizing about him and now she has a guilty conscience about that.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hey there,
I actually agree with 'pgissyd'. It's great that you feel fine and that you don't think this is cheating (I don't either. By any means!). However, the problem here is, the stripper made your wife feel uncomfortable by making her touch him.
Now I'm not saying that he's some crazy rapist, or anything, I think that he pushed his boundaries, and you should do something about it. If your wife felt violated (which it seems like she does), then what he did is not okay.
I think your relationship is just fine. Assure your wife that she ISN'T a cheater, not in the least. It's the stripper who's the creep.
Good luck, guys!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (30 November 2007):
 To her this is a BIG deal, this man violated her space, he assulted her by forcing her to touch him. If I were you I would report his ass to the police and have him done for sexual assault!
What he did to your wife is unforgivable, she needs a lot of reassurance and you brushing it off as a bit of fun will NOT help her.
Tell her the man has done her wrong, she has not done you wrong, you may even find she is actually feeling guilty for enjoying it, that may be so, but she has no need to feel any more guilty than you would if some woman bent over in front of you and you copped an eyeful! Please tell her this, tell her she is right to feel disgusted at what this man did, it doesnt matter if it gave her somesort of thrill, its human nature, and please please dont brush this off.
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