A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:being dumped is hard. here goes :(so me and my (ex) bf had been on a rocky road for a long time, ever since i went off to college and we tried the long distance thing. after many arguments, many about him smoking - i have a problem with this (smoking pot, not cigarettes) and he told me he quit when we started dating. turns out this wasnt true and he had been lying about it. i found out twice he was lying about it, but he just promised again and again he'd quit, but he never did. so its summer now and im home from college so i went over his house one day before work and he got a text from his friend, asking him if he still wanted to smoke/buy weed. of course, i got angry and just left his house. later, he came to pick me up and drive me to work like we had planned earlier, since i had no car and he had already agreed to. his younger brother (freshman in HS) was in the backseat, and when i got into the car, we started arguing about what happened earlier. i was very heated b.c. he lied about it so many times before and i felt like he was lying more to my face about it earlier, and during our argument it became pretty apparent (i didnt realize it at the time) that he smoked weed - something his little brother didnt know about, and that my (ex) bf definitely did not want him knowing about.so when i got dropped off, i also got two texts from him: 'im not picking u up. im dumping u for saying that in front of my brother so f**k u u b***h' and 'honestly any1 would kno not to say that in front of a younger sibling that doesnt kno. we're f**king over and ill never take u back. i dont give a s**t who u are anymore'obviously, i was very upset and left work early after crying to my manager about "personal" issues. the next day, i went over his house in the morning to give him back his stuff from my house. i apologized and told him i still wanted to be with him (despite all his lying...ugh). he said he had made the decision never to be in a relationship with me again and that was final. i told him i would do pretty much anything for another chance, like giving him a few weeks of no contact 'space" for him to get over it more/cool down/forgive me, etc. he said he needed a month and a half, and that we could be friends then and see what happened after that. i told him i didnt want to wait a month and a half for a "maybe" chance, since no contact is tough for me to deal with. he thought about it, but said he stll couldnt guarantee me a chance because he had already decided not to give me another one, and even saying a 'maybe' chance was a big deal for him. but i kept pushing and nagging and basically bullied him into the agreement that after a month and a half, we'd try dating for a week, and see if he wanted to continue it. a side note is i also asked him if he was going to do stuff with other girls during this time, and he said he wouldnt pass up the chance if given it. i started crying and he got tired of it and said fine, he wouldnt, but of course i dont kno wat to believe.so right now its been..4 days of no contact, and the plan is he will contact me sometime between july 15-18th to break this silence. im doing...ok i suppose, sad of course but it could be much worse. the only problem is, the only reason i think im doing 'relatively ok' is because i think that in july, everything will be okay again. but realistically, it wont be because after a month and a half, he will be completley over me and perhaps forget about me to some degree and wont want to be with me anyway because thats wat he said before. and he said he didnt want a relationship to begin with, and i dont think that will change after a month and a half of his new "freedom" - we have been dating for 15 months, btw. but i cant help but hold on to the hope that in july, things will be okay again and we would get back together. and i need to accept this or else i wont really get over him and ill just be waiting until july, and then get hurt all over again when he doesnt want to be with me then either. sometimes i fool myself by saying that im not really looking forward to july b/c of the possibility of getting back together with him, but the fact that we can be friends again. but im just lying to myself and i kno the real reason is that its a chance to get back with him. but logically, i kno there is no chance. i just cant get myself to believe or accept it and it really hurts i guess im just looking for advice or insight, or even personal 'stories' of how to get over someone and to truly accept that its over. and of course, support. ideally, id wish to get over him completely by that time in july so that i wont get hurt, and if he wants to get back together, then thats great but if not, i dont get hurt again. right now im still hurting a lot and missing his hugs and talking to him, but one of the few things that makes me feel better is the fact that i partly believe that in july, we have a chance of getting back together when we dont because i basically bullied him into it and i cant make someone want to be with someone else when they dont. also, feel free to ask me anything (within respectful reason please) and i will definitely respond :) thanks for reading this far, and i would appreciate anything u have to say.
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bullied, get back together, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, NomoreIloveyou +, writes (9 July 2008):
You're like me- can't handle the truth! Just remember that you are not the only person in this awful situation of dealing with a break up. You will be ok. I promise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Jeeessss! I know this isn't what you want to hear... But that guy is an Ass Hole!!
He's a LIAR and he is abusive.
I think that "Emilysanswers" was a bit harsh really.
I liked Aeval's answer more.
ok... I can tell you a personal story that I think might help you out... It's a little similar to yours. But I can't post it publically because my wee sis is on this site too. Email me and I'll tell you all about it... I think it might help you.
As for what I think you should do...
I think you should move on. You should use this time to think things through and try and bring yourself back into reality and realise that he will always make you feel terrible, he will always lie to you, he will never give up drugs, he will always treat you like you are a door mat.
You're sooo much better than he is and you deserve sooo much more.
I'm sorry you're finding things so hard. I really am. But you should be thankful that you have the chance to get away from him now.
I'm sorry for being harsh... I'm just trying to be honest.
Email me ok... Just click on my picture and you'll find a link to email me.
Good Luck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is, i dont want to 'wait for him to cool off and talk to me again'. its something we both agreed on, and i dont think he will be talking to me before the july date. also i dont really want to either... i want to get over him because i kno that this relationship would be bad anyway. but hearing this reality check from u guys is really helping.. though i know it will be a while until im truly over him. i just cant keep dwelling on the few good times we had together to want to get back with him. :(
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A
female
reader, Aeval  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 hmmm sounds to me that this man is being very unfair to you.
Ok so yelling at him in front of the little brother was bad but so is lying to you and making you feel terrible.
I see that you have two choices at the moment
1) Just wait,he once told you he made the decision to quit smoking pot....look how well he stuck to that one, so chances are he may cool off and talk to you again
2) he wants his freedom, putting a time limit on your getting back together even to be friends is a bit rough dont you think?. I know it sounds harsh but he may well just want to be single and is keeping you around just incase it dosnt work out for him
I know it hurts, we have all been there time and time again, Don't you think you deserve a man who respects and wants to be with you? A man who won't lie to you or put time frames on talking to you?
I hope you use this time to reflect upon your relationship and realise that you are far better off with out him. You are young and in school. Don't worry about his boy he will grow up one day. The question you should be asking is can you really put up with his rubbish anymore and do you want to wait around for him to figure it out?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 June 2008):
I'm going to be harsh but I think you need a reality check.
You have basically just written "desperate doormat" on your face. It's no wonder he doesn't respect you.
He has no problem lying to you, he doesn't want to be with you, he's called you awful names, he's told you he already wants other girls. This all adds up to one thing:
HE IS NOT GOING TO GET BACK WITH YOU. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.
And do you honestly think he's going to stay faithful, just because you emotionally blackmailed him into saying he would? No.
Deep down I think you know this already. You need to stop thinking about him and get out there with your friends.
There are so many guys in the world who don't do drugs, who would respect your feelings and who would fall in love with you completely.
Get some self respect and see this guy for what he is: a stoner loser who's not going to get anywhere in life. You can do better.
Good Luck!! xx
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