A
male
age
30-35,
*shton70354
writes:I'm a guy that always has girl-friends but never in a relationship I'm starting to believe I'm every girls straight gay friend you know. I can talk to a girl for weeks or months and go slow find out more about them and try to show them that I'm interested but I want to make sure we will work before I jump into an official relationship and we'll go out on a date, something meaningful and close like go to the beach or the movies, mini golf, ya fun stuff but it's only us and we get to know each other, then EVERY TIME IT NEVER FAILS they stop talking to me or tell me they cant talk to me because she's back with the ex-boyfriend or better yet the ones that ask me "what's wrong with me, we started talking then all of a sudden he wants his ex back and doesn't want to date me" OHH YEAH that ones gotten thrown at me more then once, so now it's my turn! WHAT AN I DOING WRONG? I mean I'm a good looking guy, I'm 6'2, athletic body and I'm far from an asshole, please someone give me some advice thanks....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Your problem sounds like a common one. You want to get to know them before you get romantic.
Wrong.
Other guys they date take some time "getting to know them" too. The other guys are just getting into the girl's pants during that whole time. That's the difference between you and them.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 September 2009):
You have two choices.
1) Say nothing and never know whether she's interested that way.
2) Confess you like her and see what happens.
Your choice. Don't waste time either way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): As a female with quite a few guy friends myself i can tell you that girls like having guy friends that they can turn to when they need someone to talk to. I agree with the other people that you're taking it too cautiously and too slowly and you're not showing romantic interest so these girls see you as the guy they can talk to about relationship issues and not the guy they want a relationship with. I spend lots of time alone with different guy friends, but i don't have romantic feelings for any of them so just because you guys do things alone doesn't mean it gets the point across to her. I agree you need to be forward up front and ask them on a real date, and if you have someone you like just be confident about yourself and tell them how you feel. There's nothing wrong with you you're just being too cautious, you have to take risks in life it makes the pay off more rewarding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): You're going about it the wrong way and taking too long. You're fostering friendships with girls so you can ask them out later if you feel they're compatible. The problem is that you've then crossed the line into friendship and most times girls value that too much to risk it.
It's better to show a romantic interest early, that way you'll know early on whether she's interested in the same thing. By romantic interest I mean ask girls out on dates early. You might be trying to play it safe by waiting and finding out if your compatible but compatibility as friends and lovers are two different things, you're not going to find out if you're romantically compatible by befriending a woman. We treat male/female friends and boyfirends/girlfriends different that's just the way it is, the sexual bond not present in friendships changes things.
By all means get to know the girl first but do it from a romantic perspective not one of friendship as part of dates, if you don't make it clear from the beginning that your interested in more than friendship then the woman will just carry on creating romantic relationships with others.
So next time you find a girl you're attracted to don't waste any time asking her out on a date.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (23 September 2009):
Based on what you said, "I talk to a girl for weeks or months and go slow and find out more about them but I want to make sure it will work first" -- that comes across as you aren't COURTING these girls, you are the one setting the relationship up to be "just friends". While I can see your reasoning, if I had a guy approach me like that I'm not sure I'd think of him in a romantic way, or if I initially did but had to wait months for him to make his move, I'd have given up and assumed he just wanted to be friends... and moved on.
Darlin' there are no sure things, and no one says you need to get serious right away. But you need to start jumping in there with the romance sooner. Walking on the beach is great... kissing on the beach is even better. I think it's okay to kiss and hold hands and be romantic AS you get to know someone. Maybe give it a try.
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