A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am in quite the predicament! i'm 15 years old, and me and my friend both like the same guy, M. My friend, T, doesn't know I like M, and I liked him for awhile before she told me she had liked him for a week. It made me miserable, knowing that now M and I could never be together. And I couldn't tell T, because she is really untrustworthy and can also be very vindictive. For two months, I dealt with T liking M and today he pulled me aside and asked me out. I didn't know what to say, so I explained to him that T liked him also and it wouldn't be right to go out with him. He looked really sadly at me and said "you have to stop letting other people make your descisions. I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you!". He asked me to reconsider, and on monday I'm telling him my answer. What should I do? I want to say yes so so so badly, but wouldn't it be wrong to go out with someone my friend likes? I've never had a boyfriend and I'm tired of being alone and I really like him, but I've seen friendships torn apart by a guy many times. What should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Glad it all worked out so well for you, being honest and open with your friends is always best! Enjoy your date!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! Ok, so last night i texted her saying "call me, I need to talk to you". She called me in a matter of minutes, and I asked her politely not to interrupt, and I told the whole story. I said she is a really good friend of mine and if she doesn't want me to go out with him, fine, but that rule applies to both. I also told her that I'm about to say yes, but i wanted to talk to her first because in my mind, friendship comes first. To my shock, she told me she knew this whole time! She said she could always tell we liked each other, and it drove her mad with jealousy, but she was eventually okay with it. She said she wasn't really sure if she even likes him anymore, and she could tell i liked him the minute she told me her feelings for him. She was waiting for me to tell her. She said the fact that i am being so considerate in asking her if she'd be ok with us together and before when I tried to repress my feelings shows how good of a friend I am. She gave me her blessing, and after we hung up I called mark and told him my answer. Our first date is tonight! :) thank you all! Your help was greatly appreciated!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2011):
 you can't control who likes who.
M likes YOU not T. this is NOT your fault.
You like M too...
I think you should say yes and I think you should gently tell her... but M is right DO NOT ever live your life to make other people happy.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 October 2011):
I think you need to talk to your friend first. Explain what has happened - that he has asked you out, and that you know she likes him so you dont want to do anything before you have spoken to her but you do quite like him and would like to say yes if she doesnt mind.
If she says she does mind and doesnt want you to go out with him - then you have to respect that and turn him down. But agree with her that neither of you are going to ever go out with him and you are both going to move on - it is not fair for her to keep liking him and chasing him when she knows you like him too. If you cant have him then neither of you can have him, that is the way it should work.
But you never know, she might be ok with it and say she doesnt mind.
You have to do the right thing and talk to her first though - she will appreciate that you have come to her first.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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