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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone! Hope you can help me with this. I am a student in a country different than my own. I made a lot of friends at university and in my new life. One of them is a lot older than me and an artist (he just turned sixty and I am in my mid twenties). I met him last February and he has helped me very much. A couple of days ago he invited me to his atelier to show me his paintings. Then it all got weird. With no warning at all he begun acting like my father and told me I drink too much and asked me why I am drunk all the time. He then said that women get raped when drunk and I should be very careful. He completely shocked me. Mostly because I don't understand why he would think so. I was drunk once at his birthday party but it only happened once and I was not making a fool of myself or anything. Unlike my peers I never have more than two glasses of wine and only when we go out. I am probably the only one of my friends without an embarassing incident and no one ever expressed a concern. The thing is my grandfather was an alcoholic and this makes me very sensitive to comments like that (this is probably why I make a point of drinking reasonably). When I asked him why he said that I was always drunk and challenged himto point just one other occasion where I had been intoxicated he was forced to admit that he never saw me drunk and even that night I was quite respectable but that he is worried about me and doesn't want me to get raped or damage my reputation. Then of course things got even weirder as again out of the blue, changing the subject, he "offered" a sexual arrangement between us . "To take care of the craving" he said so I can take care of studying without diversions. Of course at this point I realized where all this was going to and explained to him that I don't do casual sex and he got it all wrong. Then I left. But what he said has stuck with me. I still have memories of how pathetic my poor grandfather was and even the thought that I may be perceived as drunk is repulsive. I mean surely, all students get tipsy every now and again.I have only been somewhat drunk twice in two years and now, after what he said to me I feel it is too much. What does everybody think?
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alcoholic, drunk, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): Hi!This is Amy (the original poster).
I just checked the responses! Thank you very much. You all helped me a lot. It also helped when I re read what I wrote today. It makes it clear. I never saw him as a dirty old man before. He is unbelievably intelligent and I always enjoyed our talks. I guess I was fascinated by his worldliness. But not nearly enough to consider sleeping with an old man yuk! I always knew he enjoys the "company" of very young women but he never treated me like one of them. He was kind of like a father figure as he is also from England, like me. The more I think about it the more obvious he becomes. HE is the one who is always drunk! Not me. And those rape commends were unacceptable too now that I think about it. It is like blaming a woman for getting raped if she is drunk. Should't we be telling men not to rape instead of women not to drink? He couldn't have known how much my family has suffered because of alcohol and he was just taking a risk. Having said that I never felt threatened but I will never find myself alone with him again,just in case. Thank you for taking the time to answer. I was just paranoid and emotional because I remembered my grandfather. :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I would eliminate him from your life- he is clearly disturbed and potentially dangerous. You're not alcoholic because you got drunk a couple of times- most people experience that. It's good however to be careful since this runs in your family.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Dirty old man! You have done nothing wrong, I doubt he thought you would get that upset. He may have been just looking for a way to talk with you and come accross as someone who cares.... He is not someone who cares he is a disgusting old man.
Not everyone drinks and not everyone is sober, its a personal choice.
I suggest you stay far away from that old man!
Good luck sweetheart.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Bad old fart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): This guy does not sound normal at all, my advice to you is avoid him from now on whenever possible.
It's strange that he goes on about rape and then offers you a 'sexual arrangement'. Don't see him and especially don't be alone with him anymore, just in case.
It sounds like you have no problem with alcohol at all, so don't worry about that. You drink far less than most people I know. This guy is just odd.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I think he's a dirty old man who's trying to get into your pants. My advise is to just forget about it completely, you can't draw any realiable conclusions about your self based on the words and actions of someone like that.
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A
female
reader, Sally_A  +, writes (15 March 2012):
you're not the weird one here sweety, HE IS.
you did nothing wrong, i dunno if i got it right but lol he "offered" to have sex with him? lol
just be careful of men like him... men who GIVE and GIVE and GIVE , then start asking for "favors" (sexual ones)
just try not to be with him ALONE.
and about the drinking habits... don't worry, u'll never be an addict, or someone that makes a fool out of himself... i know u're not of that type of people bcz being that sensitive towards that subject makes you stop b4 you get drunk.
hope i helped, best of luck
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