A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I posted a question a few days ago about my boyfriend receiving texts from his ex while I was at his house and me feeling really sick and scared because I've been cheated on before in past relationships... well now he's going over to her house to collect the rest of his stuff.I mean, if there was something sinister behind it, he wouldn't have told me that he was going over, would he?He told me that she had text him to ask about his court case and it had only been about three texts. When he realised that I felt upset about it all, he said "I don't want her. I want you." He's been cheated on in the past so I guess that makes me think he wouldn't do anything but I just can't be sure.Part of me keeps saying "stop worryin. You're wasting you're time worrying about something that won't happen" but somewhere in my head keeps thinking "they're gonna kiss and he'll forget all about you and get back with her.Any ideas of what I can do to stop me feeling this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for your advice, I'll take everything that you have said on board and try not to worry about it.
Thanks again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I can really understand your concern, considering your past disappointments. I am going through a really tough time myself, but with the difference that my BF actually emails, texts and sees his ex quite regularly. I have tried to talk to friends, and I know that words are only of limited assistance, because they cannot really change how you feel. But I suppose the words I felt most encouraging were that often we worry about women in our BF's past, when in fact, if we have to worry at all, it is about those in the future. Those of the past have been and gone.
We also allow these worries to eat away at us, and in the end, we forget to try to build our relationship with our BF, because all our energy is going into our insecurities. Spend your energy on having fun and building on nice things with your man. I wouldn't hassle him too much about this, because I dont really see any harm in what he is doing. On the other hand, you cannot pretend to be fine if you are not. The trick is probably to try to relax and rationalise, not let jealousy cloud your judgment, whilst at the same time, not be afraid to ask for some conforting from your boyfriend. A kiss and a cuddle and words of reassurance from your boyfriend will do wonders.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, betty backstabber  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 You have to remember that not every guy is the same. Not every man is out to hurt you and is going to cheat on you, this one clearly isn't else he would be very secretive about the fact he's going to his exes and she's been contacting him. Take his reassurance and believe that, as someone else said she is the ex and your the girlfriend. Just quit worrying about it, it'll be fine. :)
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (11 August 2008):
 To be honest i think a lot of people blow the whole texting the ex out of context. I text my ex...but i always let my boyfriend know, so if he ever sees a text etc im not lying to him. If he wants to cheat with his ex he will, but telling you he wants you not her is proberly the truth and the fact is she's an ex and your the girlfriend. I know its hard to trust when you have been cheated on in the past, but your best bet is to talk to him let him know your worrys without acusing him!
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