A
female
age
30-35,
*enna101
writes:Hello guys.I've been with my boyfriend for a year, it's all been well and good so far apart from two factors which are really getting to me.My boyfrined has a real issue with family. He just can't grasp it because he never really had one. His mother left him, his brother and dad to fend for thereselves when he was 10 and his dad didn't really do much to reassure that he was loved. As a result of this, my boyfriend absolutely, point blank refuses to come round my parent's house for anything - dinner, a cup of tea. I barely get him past the threshold when he comes to pick me up! Now this upsets me quite a lot as I've had a very tight-knit family when growing up and I'd like to share that with my boyfriend. At the moment it seems that I have to keep those two parts of my life seperate. I understand how he's feeling but he won't even compromise on it. Which brings me to the next point...HE WON'T TALK TO ME! I try and ask him to open up to me. Not like therepy session intensity, but if he's feeling down just to atleast tell me what's the problem. Or is that a typical man thing?Oh, and one more for you- Is it normal for after a year to not be TOLD that you're loved, but the actions practically scream it? I'm just getting scared that after this long, he'll never ever say it. Mod note: Titled by Poster Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Your b/f is very rigid and inflexible.We should try to adept to our partners way of life or learn their cultures.
Love is about sharing and learning to do things together.
Some men do not want to tell their troubles because they do not want their g/f's to worry too much.The girls may worry excessively and he would feel bad for burdening them .
Some men have problems expressing their love verbally .They just can't do it .
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 February 2010):
This is all linked into the same thing. First up, a man will never open up until he himself understand how he feels. Which is why he won't open up to you or see your family. He doesn't really know how he feels about it all. All he knows is it feels wrong Until he knows how he feels, he won't open up as you want him too. That means not asking him to open up. He will open up when he's ready. Secondly, as for the family thing, this is something that will take a long time to heal. Imagine having been treated badly by your mother, then having to go to another house where the family is perfect. That's a real kick in the teeth for someone who has been hurt. So again, it will come in time. And again it's important that you understand that it will hurt him if you continue to try and force him to do it. Until he understands his own feelings, he wont understand others. Finally, his actions as you have said show he loves you. That means more than the word. Again, it will come in time. This is a guy you need to invest time in. It will get there if you just give him the space about your family and his feelings
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (21 February 2010):
Well I gotta make one thing clear here. You don't really know how he feels. You have grown up with a close family he didn't. So you can't possibly really understand how he feels. These things take time. He may not be able or know how to receive your affections. So here's what I would do. Try and figure out what kinds of affection he responds to you and channel your feelings for him through those actions.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Every time you mention your parents, he's been reminded the loss of an intact family, and the betrayal of his mother. He's afraid you are going to judge him because some closed minded people think that children from a broken family are somehow inadequate, psychologically and emotionally. He's afraid to say I love you until he loves himself, and accept the past that had made him today. He hasn't had a chance to heal his pain until you brought the family subject up. Maybe you could visit his family and show them you like them as they are?
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