A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I have sort of a dilemma, and was hoping I could get some advice.. I have been dating with person x for a period of 2 years now. It has been a very rocky relationship with lots of break-ups and problems the main being that he lives with his parents and works but doesn't get paid for it (he raised a big credit and has loans and bills). A week ago, i met someone, lets call him person y. We talked for hours, and eventually i made the mistake of kissing him. I felt passion and attention i haven't felt in 2 years but he lives about 100 km from where i live.I told my boyfriend i cheated on him and he says that he can forgive me if i make a decision and choose him. The truth is, i can't decide.. In one hand i have person y, a passionate guy who i know for a week, we share the same interests and chemistry but he lives 100 km away and i don't know if that could work.. In the other, i have been with person x for 2 years, he knows who i am and accepts me and for me, that's a big deal.. Do you have any advice? Thanks in advance...
View related questions:
kissing, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): Frankly, I find it ridiculous to break up with x just because you think you like y better right now. If though, there have been lots of issues before y ever showed up and you weren't happy, that's a different story all together.
What I'm trying to say is I'm sure you felt the same passion with x when you first met him as well, but lust and infatuation dwindle during the course of every relationship. Relationships aren't about excitement, butterflies, and giggles. That is infatuation... and it doesn't last. If you left x for y because of this, you would soon find out that these certain feelings of excitement and lust would disappear with y just as it did with x.
If you are not happy in your relationship with x, you should think about taking a break and not rushing into a new relationship so soon. See if you are happier without him, or if you were just confused.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 I'm afraid only you can choose here. Something to bear in mind is the fact you've only known this other guy a matter of hours and shared a kiss.
In most circumstances long distance doesn't work. People meet people closer to home (sometimes it does work though).
Are you sure that perhaps after 2 years with person X you're not just after some excitement? Something new?
What you should be asking yourself really is should I still be with Person X (regardless of Person Y)? Can you talk to Person X and tell him how you feel?
I can only go by what you've written here but when you say "I felt passion and attention I haven't felt in 2 years" it sounds to me like you don't feel the same about Person X as you did when you met.
This is normal. There will never be a relationship that stays the same as it was when you first met... Relationships grow and develop.
If you feel the relationship with Person X isn't working out then you should end it and move on. Only once you've worked that one out should you then think about whether you should get together with Person Y really.
Seems to me you were ok with Person X despite some troubles you're still together and you thinking of sort of trading him in for Person Y.
How do you feel about Person X? He seems to be doing the right thing. Yes, he's made some mistakes and ran up some debts... which he's working hard to pay off. You know there are 2 sides here and I'm sure he isn't happy with the way things are at the moment either. I'm sure he'd rather be shot of his debts and living with you instead. Unfortunately, he has no choice but to clear the loans and bills before he can move on.
This stress and strain will also have an effect on him and his feelings. And perhaps why he may have been not giving you as much attention as he would like to.
I think you and Person X need to talk and put this Person Y to one side. How does X feel about the future? What about once he's free of these debts? What kind of life could you 2 have together then? How do you feel about Person X?
What if Person Y hadn't come along... Would you still be questioning your relationship?
I suppose what I'm getting at here (in a roundabout kind of way) is how do you and your boyfriend feel about your relationship? How do you both feel about him clearing his debts? Seems thats also causing problems but when he's free what then?
Person Y might work out for a week? A month? Maybe long-term. For me when you say "he knows who i am and accepts me and for me, that's a big deal" that is a big deal.
However, if you don't feel any future in it you should end it whether you then decide to go with Person Y or not is up to you.
Just my opinion though - not sure what others might think.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 May 2011):
 well it's simple: you follow your heart. but if i were your boyfriend and you were having to think about who you wanted to be with, i'd make the decision really easy for you. i'd leave you before you had to make the final choice. because that's pretty crappy.
to me, if you really have to choose and you can't decide, you probably should go ahead and leave your boyfriend. but i'll tell you this. while sparks may fly in the beginning with this new guy, that's NOT what makes a relationship. a real relationship is when all the butterflies and wild feelings for one another wear off and you accept one another for who you truly are. like what you have with your boyfriend. think about being old together. do you really think you're still going to get those crazy feelings? people confuse infatuation with love all the time. they never realize how good they have it until they ruin it.
that's just my two cents.
...............................
A
male
reader, weakSOB  +, writes (31 May 2011):
Sound like a great dilemma,
But it also sounds like your waiting for another guy to sweep you of your feet but also, who lives around the corner.
I truly do not think you should stay with the one you have for the simple fact that your thinking and lusting another man but cant fulfill it because of distance.
your real problem is not the "other guy", its the guy your with. if hes nice enough to forgive you, it says alot about him, but doesnt say too much about you. you know what I mean?
cheers.
...............................
|
