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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hello basically I'm a 22 year old male who has never had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. This is really affecting my life and my confidence. I am good looking but I lack self esteem I am also very nervous because of my sexual inexperience. How would you suggest I overcome this problem?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QOTU +, writes (24 October 2005):
 I'm dating a 22-year-old virgin. :-D Why would women mind?? Personally, I often see men who have had so much sex their dick doesn't work as sleazy. Like Wicky said, you just need to find the right person. ;-P And that, you will most-certainly do.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 September 2005):
 The way to start is to get to know women as friends first, so that having a more profound relationship doesn't seem so unknown and threatening. If you know a woman whose friendship develops into a mutual attraction, (which is the best way to start a relationship) then you'll look forward to intimacy, rather than being anxious about it.
That said, do you have any female friends now? Look at the types of places where you spend your recreation and consider if any of them is suitable for meeting people (men AND women) with similar interests. Do you belong to any clubs or do you have a general interests, such as sports or science where you can meet people? If not, consider that there must be groups that do local history, runners' groups, cycling clubs, model railways enthusiasts and a dozen other types of social groups that will include women. These are dynamite places to cultivate friendships that could lead to relationships - because you already have a source of common interest.
And even if they don't turn into romances, learning to speak to and socialise with women will make you better at talking to women that you're interested romantically.
So work on friendships first. Then, if you find that one particular woman stands out for you, you only need to ask if she'd like to meet for coffee, or walk around the lake, or any other lightweight social event, so you can get to know each other a little better.
Don't be misled into thinking that relationships and sexual activity come easily to everyone - they don't! Everyone struggles to find compatability with a loving partner, so being inexperienced at age 22 doesn't make you some sort of pariah. Lots and lots of women would be delighted to find that you're a virgin, believe me.
My guess is that you've always regarded women and girls as somehow "foreign", but women and men are really two sides of the same coin. You don't have anything to fear. Just do what feels comfortable to you and take small, manageable steps in getting to know women.
For what it's worth, I know that many women consider good looks and shyness a combination that brings out their assertiveness, so once you get the ball rolling, you may not have to work that hard at getting the attention of women!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, wicky +, writes (23 September 2005):
Oh my gosh boy!! I can't believe you see this as a problem!!! dya know how many girls would love a virgin, you obviously havn't met the write person thats why you are inexperienced! I think that is the most special thing is to be explored sexually by the right person and not just any riff raff you pick up off the street. You are a prime example of someone that does not need an ego boost by using girls for sex like most other men!!! I would have you any day darling, be proud!!!
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