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female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help,I am still embarrassed to be naked in front of my husband, who I have been married to for 12 years and we have three children. I feel that when it comes to having sex or anything sexual that I am embarrassed. When I am naked I feel vulnerable and exposed even to him. I have always been this way and my husband is starting to feel that I will never get to be normal about being naked in front of him. He has to always-initiate sex, as I feel too embarrassed to start things going. I enjoy oral sex from him most, especially when I am on top of him, probably because he can not see me at all. I really would like to feel able to be naked in his presence without feeling embarrassed. How can I achieve this? A concerned Mum.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): Hello! Firstly you need to ask yourself- what am I afraid of? Lights on or off, if you have been married for that long, then your husband does know what you look like naked!! So what are you scared of? What is the worst that could happen? You have been together for a while, and your husband loves you! Men love visual stimulation- so don't be afraid of how your body looks- he'll love it!
Now, you don't have to start having sex under fluro lights, but you should start with a dim lamp/ light or candles, and when you are comfortable maybe a few more candles etc etc.
You only have one life time, and it is wasted if you are spending time focussing on your insecurities about your body. Also, your body is the only one like it in the world... that is fantastic! and something to be celebrated!!
You don't mind your husbands body do you? And I bet it is not perfect? Imagine how you would feel if he was insecure about his body- you would think he was being ridiculous!
Life is too short my friend, so work out the fear- and feel it anyway. Trust that NOTHING bad is going to happen- cos it wont.
I think if I was your husband, I would feel hurt by your actions after all these years. You need to get over your embarrassment. He is there for and obviously you can trust him, so I would be confused if I was him- I would be wondering why wont she trust me? Also, in a relationship, it is the person who refuses sex (not saying that you do this) who controls the sexual relationship. If I was in a partnership and I had to be the one who kept asking for sex- regardless of my gender- I would get tired. I would think- this other person doesnt care enough to make an effort or take a risk.
Ultimately, it's your choice- stay the way you are, or change.
Good luck. :)
A
female
reader, wicky +, writes (23 September 2005):
The only way to overcome your embarresment is to take the shame, and practice! try lying on your front, that way he can't see that you feel embarassed through your facial expressions, If you cant bear that then take one step at a time and use a light dimmer or lamp or even leave just the television on that way he just gets a glymse of you thats even more sensual!!! give it a try girl love yourself and your body because you won't have it forever!!!!!!!!!
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