A
male
age
30-35,
*teel stake
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. I'm 20 graduation from college in a year and she's 19. She wants to have my kid and get married already. Should I be worried? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2015): I think the other answerers are being a little hard on her. Is she a very confident person or a little unsure of herself? Because when you're young and don't really know who you are, marriage and a baby can seem like a good way of finding yourself. When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend I absolutely believed we'd get married. I had low self-esteem and didn't have any clue what I wanted to be in the future so I thought a lot of the following:"I don't feel like I'm special, but if I had a baby I'd be the most important person in the world to that baby. You can't get much more special than that.""I'm not very good at anything and I feel useless, but I could be a fantastic mother. I'd be the best mother ever!""If we got married I'd know he loves me more than anyone else. Then I wouldn't have to worry about not being loved and not being good enough for him any more.""I've got no idea what I want to do with my life, but if he has a job I can be a stay-at-home mum and I won't need to worry about finding a career."That kind of thing. It really seemed like an answer to all my insecurities and a way of fixing me up with a future. But we broke up, and I finished school and went travelling. I've been working abroad for nearly three years and I've just applied for uni, later than my friends but with a good idea of what I'm aiming for. I had time to find out what I'm good at and what I enjoy and make plans.If your girlfriend doesn't have any plans of her own, try to get her excited about her future. There must be something she's really good at that she could make a career of. Talk about her education and her passions and interests and what she can do with them. Just encourage her to find herself without bringing a baby or marriage into the equation. There's plenty of time for those years from now. This is the time for self-discovery and building confidence.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 March 2015):
 YES
5 months is WAY to soon for this. I'd say DO NOT have kids unless you want to marry her. And do not marry her unless you WANT to spend the rest of your life with her. These kind of decisions shouldn't be taken lightly, and while she might THINK you two are "perfect" 5 months in... you ARE still both a bit on your "best behavior".
You BOTH have plenty of time to become parents. Plenty of time to decide if marriage is the thing. I'd say if you BOTH feel the same 2 years down the line, it can then be a goal to work towards, but you are BOTH still so young and TRUST me what you want at 18-19 many NOT be what you want at 27-28 or in your 30's.
What is the hurry?
Live a little, travel a little, work on getting a home and career. BEFORE marriage and kids.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2015):
 Yes. Do worry. Frankly if I were you I'd be paranoid, because , who tells you she is not the type of girl who'd try to trap and guilt - trip you into some " shotgun wedding " ?. You can make sure you always wear condoms, and you can insist that she uses reliable contracception- but you can't really check on her to make sure she is actually doing it ,like ,faithfully swallowing every day her birth control pills. So, I really have no answer or solution for you , not knowing the girl. If she is the type that you can sit her down, and explain her how and why becoming a spouse and a parent at your young age, before you finish college, and after just 5 months of dating, is biting MUCH more than you can chew,- then fine. If she is an " I want what I want when I want it and screw everybody else " rype- then, good luck to you, OP.
Now, I am sure you'll get posts from people who will say " why not, go ahead , love conquers all " and " age is just a number " etc. etc. And , thb, one of the happoest marriages I have seen is that of a friend of mine who got married at 19 after 3 months of engagement (... but ,the guy was much older than you, and very financially secure ....) so I will state the ovious and say that sure, there are always exceptions to any rule.
But, in general, - marriage is a serious thing and can't be decided after barely 5 months of mutual knowledge. And becoming a parent at 19 or 20... you are barely adults yourselves !, give youtselves some more time, particularly you , that luckily, are getting an education and have plans and goals for your future .
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