A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi 23 I'm seeing this guy who is 31. I've known him for over a year but only started dating about 3 months ago, I'm now about 3 weeks pregnant with his child, he had 2 kids whom, he doesn't know if they are alive since where they lived was hit by a hurricane and he hasn't heard from them since,and a baby with another woman that's not his child but he takes care him of as his own, he really wants me to have this baby, but i don't, at leat not now. He also has matters pending before the courts, i am fully aware of his past which began from his childhood, but he has since been trying to turn his life around, and wants to settle down and have a family, HE is really loving and sweet, he respects me, adores me. He is a really good listener,he's understanding. We have a really good relationship so far and he wants to get married and do things right this time around, i just don't want to have this baby now. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, we have been talking about this, but he has never pressured me about it, I have already told him that i dont want to have the baby, he isn't exactly excited about that ofcourse, but he is supportive, I dont think however he wants to have this baby "for his own selfish needs" though,he stated how he felt about the entire situation, i did the same and we discussed our next step but again he is supportive of me, but ofcourse in future we both need to be more responsible, so i dont get pregnant again soon. I do hope however we dont encounter to much of a strain in our relationship because of this, hopefully we can get pass this together and do it right next time around. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (2 June 2011):
if he loves you in a healthy way, he would not be pressuring you to have his baby now but be respectful of when you are also willing to do it.
I suspect that given his history, he knows and regrets that he has messed up in his life and is now looking to the traditional "marriage and family and white picket fence" for validation that he is in fact OK. And that's why he's pushing you to fulfill his dream for his life.
he says he wants to "do it right this time" which is all very good and well-intentioned...but since marriage is not an individual endeavor but a partnership with another person, part of "doing it right" means working with you and taking your needs into account, that's what "doing it right" involves.
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A
female
reader, GG96 +, writes (1 June 2011):
It is your descision, but remember he has been through alot, and when you break the news you're getting an abortion do it very nicely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): if you don't want to have a baby, you should not.
You are still very young, you have years ahead of you to have a baby.
Being a parent is a major and un-reversible life changing situation so you should do it when you are ready, otherwise your kid will be messed up and grow up with issues (like how your boyfriend has issues..not saying it's cos he was an unwanted baby but just saying how we owe it to our kids to provide them the best childhood they can have so that they don't grow up into adults with issues)
Your boyfriend just wants you to have his baby for his own selfish needs. He wants to get married and settle down, because that's what he wants, it's to soothe his own insecurities over his so-far bad life choices. If he truly respected you he would respect your feelings over not having a baby.
talk to him but stand firm in your decision. Don't let him push you into doing something you know you don't want to do. It will ruin the relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 June 2011):
 so you don't want this baby... that's ok
is abortion an option for you?
if so Have one.
then get yourself on some GOOD birth control or stop having sex with him so you don't get pregnant again.
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