A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've lived with my girlfriend for 9 years now but im not happy. At first it was great we couldent wate to be together. We lerned new stuf together every day. Now I feal all the bonds and Excitment have gone. I feal as thogh im a taxi service, Laundry, Dishwasher, Cat minder, Gardiner, and general servant while she makes no efort, ad thinks that the ocasional grope and a cuddle will make up for the boredom and Being taken for granted. I want to leve but not hurt her, she still says she loves me. I feal realy guilty. How can i make myself happy without destroying her in the process? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (1 June 2009):
You have a real tough situation on your hands. I would ponder that you need to speak up and negotiate each others schedule and duties.
If you have your own interest you wish to pursue, then I suggest you plan on including them, such as taking a class.
So what have you done so far to get her attention that you are not feeling equal? It seems this is a woman's thing because my own wife does this, and she even will grade me. Of course, this is to help make me a better man. lol.
She has backed off where I have explained things to her. Those critical areas where you just can't jump in and start until you have say tools, supplies, experience, backup in case this or that happens usually provide me freedom of hearing about this ever again.
Yu clearly need to modify the situation, because I feel many men go through it, and many women think they are doing their guy a favor, being a part of women do with other women, but it is more of an insult then a help.
Would you agree?
Just as women think they need to train us, so do men need to train and retrain women to fit our needs as they do need certain things from us that does require training or retraining. Training in the bed to make her happier is always one area she will not have any objections from me on.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, The Shadow's Tears +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Hello,
well maybe before you leave her, talk to her, tell her in a calm, caring matter how you're feeling, and try to talk out a solution with her. if its been 9 years, then do you really think that you should just give up? i'm truly sorry that you're not happy. because nobody should go unhappy. but, try to think of new ways to spark up the relationship. like having one night to just talk with each other, tell each other whats happening in your lives and discuss new ways to help spark the relationship. come up with new relationship games or hobbies so you two can have fun together. and make sure your open to new ideas. "try anything once" is a quote i always use, because if your willing to try something strange and new it will create new fun and interesting memories. but please just express to her that you feel the relationship is turning dull and that you are feeling used, and then try to fix it. if it still doesn't work, and you've tried everything you can think of. then sit her down and calmly tell her why you want to leave her, maybe, hopefully you can fix this broken relationship. i pray to the goddesses that you two get close again, because if you can last 9 years you can fix it.
i really hope this helps, but i'm really sorry if it doesn't.
X: Shadow Tears
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A
male
reader, koenig +, writes (1 June 2009):
After 9 years, rather than talking to strangers on the internet about this, maybe you should talk to her about it, especially if you're thinking about ending it (best not mention that though). Put it in a less hostile manner when you talk to her too.
If you want to share chores more or just for her to do them with you. Ask her to, tell her how you feel (in the nicest possible way).
So you want more excitement? Ask yourself why it used to be exciting. Did you go out more? Did you both put in more effort (not into daily tasks, but your appearances and such)? Did you talk more? These are all things that you can talk about and then sort out.
As for making yourself happy without destroying her. What do you need to make yourself happy? She made you happy before, she can probably make you happy again. You just need to gently point her in the right direction.
I honestly think that if you calmly (without accusing each other, threatening each other, name calling etc.) talk about this, you could actually turn it into a happy relationship again. It seems to me that the main problem is that communication has broken down - you're not talking about what you want, what you like and what you dislike.
All of the questions were rhetorical (not meant to be answered, just thought about in your head), but if you do have any thoughts about them that you'd like to talk about, I'd be happy to talk them through with you.
I hope it all goes well!
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