A
female
age
41-50,
*ve11
writes:The major problem i have in my relationship is TRUST and DEPENDABILITY. 2 major problems in my book. I've been with my love for 7 years and I love him. We have gone through some s*#t and we are still together. We have never cheated on one another, BUT I feel like I can't depend on him or trust his word. here's an example: He has left me at work a couple times due to the fact that he woke up too late to pick me up. He say's he is going to do something then he doesn't do it, he will make up white lies so we won't argue (those are just a couple examples)and to me a person should do what they say and say what they mean. I'm not the innocent one here either, I started this new job recently and my co-workers are very unpleasant. I find myself bringing the stress from work home with me. Between the dependability and not believing him issue and the emotional abuse I'm directing towards him... I feel like crap, I feel like I'm losing him, and our schedules don't help either, I work a 8-5 and he goes to school from 6-10 in the evenings. Any advice??? I need some tips on how to save my relationship. I don't want to lose him. Thanks so much for reading all this, I appreciate it.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (27 September 2009):
 You two have to get on the same page together. Work out schedules, and if you have to call him and wake him up beforehand so he's ready to come pick you up.
The disjointed schedules should still leave some time together during the week and at night. Even if its an hour.
Try cooling down while he's in school, so that when he's out and home, you're calm and not flustered with the harassment at work.
Hopefully the school schedules will work out to day time hours.
Maybe there's something he can do during the day, like bring you lunch or something to make you feel a little better.
If he loves you, then just talking about this and maybe nudging him would help. It seems like you have the heaviest load, 8 to 5 and he's got the lightest, 6 - 10, so there's plenty of time and room for him to pay attention to the things you need done. Loving someone also means doing things for them when they can't do them on their own. So perhaps if understands that these things have to be done, then he'll do them.
One other thing, I know it sounds childish, but maybe you need to make a list for him. Some times lists help. Its annoying for a guy who thinks he can remember everything, but just tell him that you're doing this so he can say he remembered it, and check the list afterward.
A
male
reader, thebeardedguy  +, writes (27 September 2009):
Honest!I think you should put a little confidence in him. Tell him not to lie and at the same time when he tells you some true things that you don't like, relax and praise him for telling the truth. By doing this I am sure you can out in enough confidence in him to tell you the truth.Another thing is tell him the importance and power of words. Tell him words have lot of power. Tell him that it is because of three magical words that you are together. Explain him this. And tell him, not to tell you things which he cannot do, or which is beyond his capability. At same time I am sure you must have understood of what he's is capable of and what not, so don't take all of his words to your heart and stop building expectations on his words. The moment you do this half your trouble is gone. And while the things are going on, set an example by telling him something and doing that. But don't be sarcastic or something like you are doing this just to show him or something.Thirdly, when you are really upset about your day at office, talk to some other friends of yours about it, instead of coming home straight and vomiting on him. Pray, praying helps de-stress, reduce anxiety.A few more advice-If you think the distance between you and your husband is increasing a lot, both of you try to do something together liken say for example attending some class, or playing badminton together or something else, like swimming etc. This will help you connect with your husband properly.I hope this helps. Update this post for feedback.
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