A
female
age
51-59,
*amn him
writes:only 7 months into a marriage and have caught him 4 times watching porn, 80 naked photos of ex in our bedroom, one tucked away in his drawer..obviously a favorite.random photos of naked woman in his home...just everywhere. no i didnt need to snoop around.and the the most shocking part is they are all of xxxl woman. ok i am not a big girl and feel totally turned off by this discovery. he has a fetish for fat girls. that will explain his instructions to me to put on more weight! so i confrounted him with each thing one after another and the fact that our sex life is just about non existant asking why the hell he married me if this is his thing? he replied, why did you marry me if you knew?......i am slowly unravelling as i try to take things in my stride. this wouldnt be quiet so bad if he didnt deny watching porn or accuse me of trying to find the photos..we had been redecorating the bedroom when i was un packing his wardrobe..i dont need evidence to undo a marriage when i stumble across a truth like this. you know it is soul destroying enough to lie down each night with the man you adore and have no sexual relationship. he has a problem getting and hold a hard on. this i have been patient and understanding about...and imagine that this is the reason for the porn. i know he is attracted to me but its a cold comfort when i am nothing like his true desires.it revolts me and i can now no longer look at him with out knowing his sexual leanings are in the arms of something more like his ex.and to add fuel to this fire i sold everything i owned travelled twice to other side of the world to marry and live with him...i live in a country now where they speak another language and feel totally washed out by the dissapointment. i think his comment that if i knew why did i marry him is a fkn kick in the teeth. i had no idea of the scale of his fetish. i am not a fkn sex therapist and dont know all the answers. but i know sneaky when i see it.
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his ex, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, damn him +, writes (12 July 2012):
damn him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe one thing i didnt do was meet him on the internet.we meet in my country. spent a year together before we made up our minds that marriage at our age was ok (45) i never have even thought to marry before and this was to a man whos interests included cooking,gardening,travellng all these things appealed to me. but it is true that to really understand another person you must remember there is always a flip side. i have just found his
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): "i sold everything i owned travelled twice to other side of the world to marry and live with him..."
Agree with Tisha-1, you're experiencing overlooked but not unexpected risk of uprooting your life and moving half a world away to live with LDR: unfortunately, you're now just discovering after the fact that you married a virtual stranger who only presented the side of himself that he wanted you to see. Very easy to disguise one's true self in dating site profiles/chat rooms/web cams, only way to get to know a person is get to know the person in person over time.
Also agree with Tisha-1, appears best to call it quits, legally end the marriage as quickly and cleanly as possible, return to your side of the world, learn from your experience, and go about starting your new and improved life.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I'm so sorry. :( I would say if you and your new husband think you two can fix it, then go for it, if not better get out fast & clean.
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A
female
reader, damn him +, writes (11 July 2012):
damn him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your ideas on what the hell to do. its a confusing place for me right now. and i appreciate other peoples views...this is a nice start for support..thanks again
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Sounds like it's time to acknowledge that the marriage is over and pack up and move back home. Maybe this is the change you needed in your life, it came looking as a rejection but perhaps this experience will the be impetus for change for the better.
Now that you know what you want, you can go get it. Get through the split as quickly and drama-free as possible and get back to where you know you should be living. It may be an entirely new place, though going 'home' may feel very comforting.
Sorry you weren't his sexual ideal, and it's a pity this wasn't dealt with prior to marriage. LDRs can be very difficult in terms of really knowing your partner, alas.
Best wishes, turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you. Go find your best place and your best self.
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